*sigh*
So...today, I spent the day out and about. Walked around the mall, played a couple set of bowling with some friends (and got a record high 96-woo hoo), rented a dvd (by the way, "Art of War" sucks) and just milled about Just doing mostly nothing. It was a good day.
Curiosity got the better of me-I admit it. I peeked in at the forum. There seemed to be a flurry of activity. Didn't get into much, just poked a bit and left. Just couldn't bring myself to jump in. Didn't feel like I had anything to say. It's been that way with everything lately. I'm on the calm side of my recent bi-polar seeming trend. It's where I just don't do anything. Just watch the hours pass as I sit and space out. I haven't slept, ate, spoke, or really done anything in days now. I kinda like it. I like not having a voice or more specific, a need to use it. Probably makes no sense, but I just don't feel like speaking.
Until I do, I'm just going through the motions. Watching the days pass. I figure I'll stablize again eventually-I always do-and since I'm not overly worried about anything right now, I'm content to let it happen as it happens. I rather be like this than the other side of the coin. I hate the rage side; the fire side; the side that screams and bashes its head into the wall in frustration...
Gods, it sounds so crazy to write these words and I wonder again-as I always have-at what point a person truly does "lose it." At what point, they have crossed that line and entered into insanity. And yet, I know there is little chance of my dealing with these shifts in any "standard" way...afterall, how does one explain the base level of the needs and feelings that are unique to non-humans? You can't honestly get anywhere if you can't be honest and you certainly can't be honest with a standard therapist. Ironic then, that those who probably have the most to deal with-on the most levels too-and could use the aid of a councler with whom to speak, those people are trapped in a world of silence. Horrid the way life is so cruel sometimes. Perhaps there need to be more empathic therapists. More "otherkin" who dedicate themselves in a professional manner to helping others. But how would you ever get the right clientle? It's not like you'd put "Specicalizing in Vampires, Angels, Demons, Faeries, and Were" in your Yellow Page Ad...it is a neat thought though...
Ah well. Almost 2:30am. I'm cold and tired (although I slept until almost 1pm today for a change) and I think I am just aimlessly babbling at this point. What else is new? Somethings just never change I guess.
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 1/28/2001 02:19:29 AM ~
~
