Came home yesterday and collapsed. I had that same, frustrating problems on the way home that I had experienced on the way in-I could feel myself blacking out. It's such a frightening feeling and one I've never experienced before. It scares me so much since I can only take this to mean my body is reaching the breaking point-these problems have gone on far too long and I can't just keep acting like they're not there. I think I'm being forced into that position where I will have no choice but to just stop and I can't do that. I don't have that luxury and I don't know what I am going to do. My insurance finally starts again February 1st and I pre-scheduled an early-morning Friday appointment. I need to figure something out. I can't just fall apart like this…

So, I got home and passed out on the couch. Didn't mean to and I could not wake up for anything. My Love made dinner and I managed to wake up and eat, but immediately was overtaken again by the need to sleep. He finally made me get up-practically carrying me-to go to bed around 11pm. The whole night, I was out. And I am still very tired. It's such a bad sign of my level of energy-or lack thereof-lately.

I think I want to do the same thing tonight-although I'm looking at skipping the couch and going straight to the bed when I get home. I just need more hours sleep than my schedule currently allows for. It's sad. And yet, I am still tired…

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 1/30/2001 08:27:41 AM ~ ~