Yesterady was a ..b..a...d.. day for me. It was just one of those days I think I am finally going to give in and reliquish my hold on those fragile threads of sanity I normally cling so desperately to. I could actually feel myself slipping...teetering on the edge of that drop. And I just didn't care.

Today isn't as bad, but I am still so deeply depressed. I just don't want any of this damned "life" I endure. I don't want the drive, I don't want the job, I don't want the stress, I don't want the bills, I just don't care. Why can't I just be me and that's enough? Why do I have to be someone else for them?

So, it's Wednesday. Half the week is over, but the other half still looms huge before me. Seems for all this running in circles I do, I should be somewhere by now. Of course, I'm not. I'm not even close. I'm just the runner in the back being shoved and pushed by those who care about the outcome of the race, flagging and straining just to keep breathing. Knowing that just to stop and lay down would be so much more blissful.

Running, running, running...but I just want to stop...

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 1/24/2001 12:22:09 PM ~ ~