Too soon for any hope, but at least perhaps a chance to stop running myself ragged has maybe arrived. As everyone knows by now, my job is over 25 miles away. It means I drive over two hours a day and am gone for eleven plus hours a day. It's hard to start with and harder still because we have the one car and because (of course) it's a strain on my over-taxed system. It's damn hard to function for that many consecutive hours for me. I just can't do it so well.

So, this morning I get in practically record early for me-like 8:05am. (Keep in mind that also I have to huff it three blocks from my garage to my building-immediately adding another ten or so minutes to my complete travel time.) I got in the lobby just as three other of my team was arriving. We rode up and walked in to a loud and resounding, "LATE!" as we walked past the others. So, this prompts Shannon (not my direct boss, but sorta like the overseeing boss of the whole) to ask if I have a minute. (I love the way they ask-as if I actually have an option. "Why no, Shannon, I don't have time right now. Reschedule with my secretary. I can fit you in probably the middle of next week.") Anyway...she of course wants to talk about tardiness and absences. Tardiness because of my inability to move my body in the morning to get out of bed, the need to get my Love into work, and the psycho traffic that is sometimes tolerable and sometimes hell. (of course, doctor's appointments fall into that category also, but they are scheduled) Absences of course for my illness, migraines, and assorted. She's trying to act all helpful and find out what kind of solution we have. ("Can't you just leave earlier?" Hell no, I already have to wake up at 6am and my poor Love already has to sit at his job for an hour before he even starts.) It's just not that easy. It's any number of factors.

So, we continue talking. I tell her all about how tight things are, how hard, and how limited our options are. How we are trying, but it's difficult. (we are behind still on all our bills, we both have horrid credit, and we don't have a lot of money to use as a down payment-income tax return cash-and no co-signers.) These kinds of factors limit things! She says she thinks that this job is just too far away. She says she feels like she's making things worse for me. She says it's too hard for me to get to the doctor and get better (which it is) when the doctor and job are an hour drive apart. She says that for anyone else, she would have let the person go already, but she doesn't want to contribute to my sickness. She says she appreciates the situation and knows I have needs too (namely a paycheck and insurance). She says that she can find no fault in my work performance (ironic since I don't give anywhere near 100% here-there's much more I could do) and that my work is excellent. But, she says we need to do something.

At this point, I get worried. A little panicked even. But what she says surprises me. She said for us to try to contact Ivy (my recruiter-who actually works for my company and who got me this job) and see what we can do. Her suggestion? Try to find me another job closer to my house where I can get my insurance from the start, but (and here's the wow part!) allow me to continue working here in the meantime. Basically, from what she said (and gods I hope it's true), they'll be flexible enough to allow me to pursue options elsewhere but allow me to hold this job until I find something closer to home.

I hope it works. Oh gods, I hope it works. Feels like I have a grain of hope for the first time in forever. I spoke briefly with Ivy this morning and she wants me to call her tonight to fill her in. Maybe, just maybe, we can come out of this win-win. Keep your fingers crossed. Anything to help at least some of my situation improve is much needed.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 2/9/2001 10:41:32 AM ~ ~