Need to go to sleep...tired. Not sleeping these days. Far too much tossing, turning, waking up, and nightmares. Yuck. None of which I'm used to in the slightest. Haven't had problems sleeping uninterrupted in longer then I can recall, nightmares have been absent since I was a child, and I've always (until now) been lucid in my dreams.
Add to that the worry over the still-out-of-work-with-no-change-in-site, the onslaught of unpaid bills piling up, the fact that tomorrow I go to the hemotologist (but my insurance runs out on the 28th-Wednesday-so there's not really any time to do anything, and things continue to downgrade in the love-life situation, I'm just not happy. Life is being hard and I am so very tired.
I don't know any more. I'm trying, but the will is just not there. The strength and the energy just aren't there. I even just got chased out away from my computer because it was too bright, "I have to work tomorrow!" and he could not sleep. Sorry, but the whole damn reason my computer is IN my bedroom in the first place is because he decided-without conferring with me-that he was going to allow his friend to move in with us until she could get her own place. So our office-you know, the reason we spend the extra money on a second bedroom in the first damn place-gets emptied out, and she moves in. Stays with us for like a month without paying a penny (meanwhile, our bills go WAY up), and then leaves to stay somewhere else, but leaves ALL her stuff still in our bedroom so that we can't put our computers back in there. So here I am on his, typing on this horrid, non ergenomic keyboard, killing my wrists, trying to just finish my damn entry before I ATTEMPT to get some sleep.
I am so damn miserable, I wish someone would just come along and shoot me. Put me out of my misery...
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 2/26/2001 01:27:05 AM ~
~
