Gods, I've been a slacker, haven't I? Last post was the 28th? Blah...that's what I get for turning off my brain I suppose. But, lately, I've just had to or else I'll curl in a uselessly tiny ball of quivering goo, sobbing and babbling about how all the things in my life are stacked against me. It's just easier to turn it off, pretend its not there, and actually semi-function.

Still stuck in the position of having ZERO job leads or prospects. Several little temp jobs have come my way, but none that will allow me the time I need to get to the doctor for the this week and next. I HAVE to be there at 4pm everyday for this iron-it's not like it will do me any good if I just put it off. I have to see this through and it's killing any chance I have at aquiring and holding a job. How do you tell someone that you need to leave at 3:30 every day to make it to the doctor's by four when you've just walked in the door? But, I need that check. Already, it's almost a week without one. Every week I don't get paid, I end up almost a month behind on my bills. It's a damned cycle of frustration and battling needs. I need to do this iron to get me healthy, but I need a job to pay my bills and keep a roof over my head!

Add to that the fact that my love life is on moment-to-moment life support and you can see why I'm just turning my brain off rather then deal with it all at once. I'm trying hard to focus on one and only one thing-my health. It's the only thing I have any real control over and the only thing I can work towards fixing at this juncture. It's the only thing that has a definate goal, so it's the only thing I'm dealing with. Everything else lingers in the back of my mind though...numbing me and keeping me slow and tired.

I'm going to get up from the computer now and move to the couch...not that the change in scenery will actually do any good, but I'm cold and the blanket it out there...

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 3/6/2001 05:38:34 PM ~ ~