I probably know more about my Love then any other one person right now. Almost three years together - seperated by no more then a few days ever at one time - and I've heard so many things; stories, misadventures, childhood, dreams, passions, ideas, humor, stress, pain, longing, hurt, fear, joy, thrill, etc...all the range of emotion and mind and yet I realized it is the barest tip of the iceburg. There is so much more below the surface I've managed to explore. There's a whole world I've yet to know or see or feel or hear. There's a depth and dimension I don't even know about...
And now, I never will...
He was relating some silly story to my sister and I the other day and as I sat there listening, my mind half-drifted and I realized I has never heard this from him before. The story made me laugh - he always can bring a smile and honest giggle from me no matter what is going on - and it came to me that there are so many more tales I want to hear. I love the silly (and sometimes stupid) things he has done. I love the way he puts FAR too many erroneous details into a story. I love the way he'll get off track, pause, and then laughing, pick it back up.
I love all that. And I want to hear it all. I want that lifetime of conversation and company. I want to be that old lady rocking on the porch with my old man husband, reminising about times long past, places long visited, and memories long shared. I want that. I want those spinning tales of adventure - both good and bad.
I want to hear the stories from before and make up new ones...
Sorry, I'm crying again. It just hurts. There's so much I want that I can't touch and I'll never hold again. All those little moments are gone...fading off into obvilion and they'll never come again. They're gone and yet I'm standing here, alone, and empty, waiting for them to come back. But they won't and that hurts...
Little more then a day left. A day. One stupid turn of the planet and that's it. Game over, the end, time's up. The party's over but I'm still standing there. The guests have left, the music's gone quite, the lights are dimmed. There's nothing left but torn and used fragments. And I'm still standing there. Hoping that the people will just turn around and come back again. Just a moment. Just one more song...but they won't. And I stand there. Waiting for nothing. But, waiting because I have to...
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 4/27/2001 03:23:35 AM ~
~
