Ever have a time where you keep experiencing all these VERY strong and life altering emotions, but because they happen so fast, you spend so much energy relaying them to others, and so much time struggling to deal with them on your own, that by the time you're ready (and able) to share, you just can't any longer? I'm at this weird point where I desperately want to write a post, but all the things that I wanted to talk about have already been said several times before and they are already done and over and I have no strength to recount them now. Fights, emotions, hurts - they all just loom so far above my head that I can't bring myself to write about them anymore.

I need to go home. I feel so horrible and I don't know why...woke up today and my head was just "full" and stuffed. It's like this huge pressure and this foggy pain. I feel vaguely nauseous and dizzy. I don't know what's wrong. I've been stalling actually from leaving my friend's house (who left several hours ago to attend a BBQ inviting me to stay and use the internet) because I just don't feel like I can face the 30+ mile drive home. It's like I'm feeling so wrong and I have no idea what it is. It's one of the things that's making it harder for me to even get through an entry at all, let alone a detailed one, because I just feel like I'm going to be sick.

In short, shit is happening, but I just don't feel emotionally like dealing with it and right now, I physically can't deal with it. More as I can get back here, but for now, I'm going to try to force myself home now. I don't want to wait until dark or I know I won't leave.

...what the hell is making me feel so very, honestly sick...?

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 5/26/2001 05:51:49 PM ~ ~