YEAH!!! Ok, so it only took me a friend's computer and internet connection, several hours, lots of trial-and-error, downloading and installing several key programs (oops, it's not my computer, remember!), and then some blatent um...."borrowing" of my dear, sweet, wonderful, and did I mention generous friend Orb's CSS coding to get it to work, but dammit I am now the proud owner of my very own CGI Guestbook. Yippie! *whew* Anyway, the point is, that this will allow me to have people leave me feedback no matter what without relying on another third-party source. Blogvoices was great and I loved it (and am mad that all those great comments are now lost to me), but since I didn't make, host, or control it, I never had any say in the fact it suddenly disappeared. This guestbook script I installed is hosted on the gothic-angels.com domain meaning that the only way it will be down is if the whole damn site goes down. (in which case, it doesn't matter if you can't leave feedback since you wouldn't be able to read the blog in the first place!) So....anyway, PLEASE feel free to make use of my hard-earned efforts and click the "Feedback" link in the "Just the FAQ's" section in the left-hand column. The link will remain there always (instead of assigned to each post) and you can just comment in a continuing fashion - ongoing without the fear of it disappearing again. Once again, *whew* That was a lot of work!

Anemia - to be or not to be?
Well, I have to say, I'm VERY happy to report that I went to the hemotologist yesterday and I am officially no longer anemic!! (yeah!) My hemoglobin has gone from a count of 6.8 all the way to 13.3 and remains stable there. Normal, for the record is 12 and up. *grin* Oh yeah, it's so cool that I haven't had an iron treatment in almost three months and my counts are still remaining stable. We've removed the chance of every single problem - from bone marrow issues, to genetic anemia, etc. - and have determined there is only one continuing factor ensuring I stay on the Pill to keep my cycles as low as possible. My one defect is that I do not absorb iron from diet through my stomach like normal - which is why, no matter how much I ate, took suppliments, or vitamins - I only got sick and never improved. Hopefully though, since I don't have to go back for 6 months (November!), I will maintain a stable supply of stored iron and will be able to go for possibly years inbetween booster injections. All I can say is yeah!

Where fort art thou, Job?
*sigh* Keep pegging at the ever-diminishing job postings out there - online, classifieds, recruiters - but it seems to be going exceedingly slow. I had a great interview AND second interview with the one company, but since they were supposed to call me yesterday and I still haven't heard from them, it looks like it's another bomb. I'm going to call them tomorrow, but in the meantime - grrrrrr.... Met up with an old recruiter of mine today - she's working for a new company actually and stumbled upon my resume on monster.com - and so I've got her activly looking as well. At least it's something else in the right direction. I gotta tell you though, the ads are getting slimmer and slimmer. DAMN YOU SLACKER BUSH! I'd like to see Mr. Spoiled Rich Kid survive down here in the slumps with us poor people. It's hard when you're not in the top 2% tax percentile. (especially when you lose at least 25% of your hard-earned {and meager} wages in taxes to line their pockets. Not like I'm bitter or anything....nooo....) Anyway, it just means I'm getting further and further into debt with no lifeline in sight. Damn I'm scared.

Blood thicker then water - maybe not...
My gods, I'm going insane living at my sisters. Everything from having to leave the house on her whims to be alone with her boyfriend, to being literally yelled at about how "lazy" or "spoiled" I am, to being insulted about my personal feelings, emotional status, and everything inbetween, it's not good. It's like a prison where the warden scolds and belittles you everyday. I cringe everytime I'm there, won't leave my bedroom if she's home, and generally can't sleep or relax being there since I'm constantly on edge. In short, I hate it. Put it this way, if I owned a bed (which I don't - add it to the list of things I need to buy when I get a job) I'd seriously consider asking my mom if I could live with her instead. My MOM. *sigh* But, since I wouldn't even have a place to sleep, it's just really not an option. Sucks.

The Rest
Well...beyond the continuing frustration of being offline, having to drive over 30 miles to see my friends (and use their internet connections), and being so broke I don't eat anymore (I'm down from 115lbs to 106 as of yesterday), life is pretty boring. It's a lot of one day blending into another with no real sense of purpose, goal, or meaning. It's really bland and generally a mire of depression and listlessness. It's hard when you're figity because you're bored and yet sluggish and unwilling to move from the bed/couch to try to find something to do. Hopefully, getting in touch with my recruiter will help speed up the job hunt and then at least I can have a damn job to fill my days. Not that I want to work, but I really can't survive when I'm two months behind on everything - including slightly important things like my car payment.

Please feel free to make use of the lovely feedback/guestbook (afterall, it was a big pain in the ass to get it to work!) and I'll try to post again as possible. It's hard and I find myself not wanting to bother with these pesky things like words lately - a scary prospect since words have always been my sole comfort that survive all else. No idea or ETA as to when I might be online again (has it really been a month so far??) so take care all while I'm gone.
-m

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 5/30/2001 04:32:05 PM ~ ~