6.27.01 @ 10:00pm
So I'm sitting in a hotel room, typing away on a laptop sitting on the bed as "Sex in the City" comes on HBO. Man, I suddenly felt like I really was someone off a show like that. Sitting here, typing, being a modern, fashionable woman feels funny. I don't think of myself as a modern, fashionable woman!
WOAH. When did she cut her long, curly locks?? Wow. Sorry, watching the tv as I'm typing. I've always likes this show. It's funny, current, and sharp humor. Makes me laugh. It's one of those little things I miss so much about my whole life from before...
Oh, wait. She *didn't* cut the hair? She must have just had it straightened and pulled back. Hrm.
Boy I can't maintain decent writing when watching tv. The odd thing is that the episode is partially about haunted houses. Of which, I was suffering myself in that damned trailer. At least that's what it felt like that's for sure. Oh yeah...probably wondering what's going on. Well, I told my boss as I posted before, that I just could not endure being in that trailer another moment. At about 5:45pm, he got a call from the HR lady (since I lack a phone at my desk yet) asking him to have me stop by her office. They booked me a room in a hotel in town - not the same one in Gainesville that I was staying at previously because that one was booked full, but another one that's not bad. The HR assistant said she's going to try to get me back in the other one since it's nicer tomorrow, but, either way, I'm not in the trailer and that's what counts. They have a week reserved right now, so I at least have a roof until July 4th. Problem of course is that I won't get a paycheck until July 15th and seeing as the $13 in my wallet is the sum total of my finances in life, I don't think I'm going to be getting into an apartment anytime soon. Grr. I don't know for how long they will continue to pay for a hotel room for me and there's no way in the world I'll ever go back into that trailer, so I'm worried that I'm just postponing the inevitable. Which is disconcerting since I'm still really excited about everything else - change of location in general, Gainesville specifically, and the job overall. The company has really gone all out, bending over backwards to accommodate me and it's been amazingly great.
Ha! Too funny. The next show after "Sex in the City” is "Arli$"(the one about the sports agent). And as the show starts, it's about HOCKEY! Yeah! Gotta love hockey. And, Arlis opens the show by mocking Canada. Sorry, Canucks...but it was funny. Now he crashed into a moose and these people picked him up (a mother and a son) and the son starts saying how every other team beyond the Edmonton Oilers suck. Personally think it's just about the other way around, but...well, no. The Stars are worse then any other. grrr..Dallas sucks.
zzzz...man I'm been laying here watching the Simpons - one of the funny Halloween episodes - and falling asleep so I think it's time for me to turn this thing off and go to sleep. I have to get up early anyway, so might as well get some rest. (especially since I was up all night in terror)
*yawn* {{out}}
6.28.01 @ 10:20pm
Let's see...random thoughts through the course of the night...
Is it live or is it Memorex?
There was an advertisement on tv earlier this evening for an Elvis in Hawaii tape set. What struck me as odd was the comment, "In living color! Considering Elvis is dead, then wouldn't it be "In dead color?"
The Dead Speak
Later on, I was enjoying the SciFi channel (a favorite of mine normally and not available at my sister's house) and after Babylon 5, the show "Crossing Over with John Edwards" came on. Those of you who keep up with my journal may know I've mentioned this show before. I've been continually intrigued/annoyed with it for reasons I just couldn't put my finger on. I do think it is a genuine Gift - it just relates very much like real magicks I've encountered both personally and from others - and I do tend to peek into the show when I can. I also had a very interesting dream shortly after it first came on which I know for a fact was not a mere dream. (the actualities of what it was though are not exactly clear for me). In any event, it's been an odd show for me. When watching it, I suddenly realized what it is that annoys me about it and him. I greatly resent the advancement of his Gift for - and this is the key part - it's one I share with him since birth and yet have denied and repressed so that I can't use it like he can. It's a shock that he so boldly flaunts it as well as the overriding bitterness that I can not use my own Talent in that field anywhere near as effectively. Odd to say I suppose, and yet, I just Know it to be true. And I wonder how much more I deny myself in this way. I also wonder, in rare moments of gleaming self-worth, how much I am denying the world. Yes, yes, that sounds arrogant, but it remains my belief that there are no Gifts given that are not meant to be used. It's the how, where, and for what that we must learn as a lesson of life. What we do when given more defines the balance of our time here. The tally added and carried on our souls, ranking, rating, measuring that which can be known versus what we have already mastered.
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Anyway...I get off on tangents sometimes. (but hey, this is my journal, so I guess that's ok) Let's see what else randomness traipsed through my head this evening...?
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Orange and Blue galore
Ok, I know everyone told me that this was a "college town" and I thought sure, young college kids around. Ok, no biggie. What I didn't expect was going into the Burdines (a Florida only department store akin to um, a Dillards or other upperscale chain) and seeing alligator columns in-between the first and second floors, "holding up" the walls around the escalators. Or, going into the Ruby Tuesday's and seeing UF paraphernalia mixed in with the other nick-knacks. Add to that the fact it's ALL YOUNG PEOPLE here. Holy shit. It's weird. Grew up in the place that's been deemed "home of the newly wed or nearly dead" and it's the truth. It's all seniors. Slow driving, 30 items in the 10 item or less "express" lane, bitching and ranting over $0.20 before getting into their brand new Lincolns, etc. It's so odd.
An Empty Place?
So, tonight I splurged. Spent almost all of the remaining $17 I had on a dinner. (hamburger, mmm....beef) Considering it was the first hot food and only actual meal I've had in about a week, I deserved it. Amazingly enough, I ate 2/3 of it, which if you know me, is like 3 or 4 full servings for a normal person! Afterwards, it was early yet (like 9:30pm) and I was bored, so I stopped at the Borders store that I noticed when I went to the restaurant. Browsed around a bit and noticed there was a damn HUGE section of paranormal, philosophy, and occult books in the store. (must be part of the younger area) Weird thing was, it was that moment that I noticed how "quiet" it has been since I got here. Almost like there's just no one here who's Aware. As I stopped to think about this notion, the faintest little flicker made its way to my attention. There's the tiniest of something somewhere in the area - either well hidden, or only a minute population - and it made me long for the beach at that instant. Doesn't make much sense on the surface, but ever since I've been in Florida, I've found great comfort in going out to the shore at night and just connecting with Nature. It’s recharging for me and allows me to really embrace and accept myself - even if for only an hour or two. So, when I stood there, feeling that faint feeling, it made me realize how foreign this place is. Not even 200 miles away, and yet an infinity of difference. It's weird. It's not my territory, it's not my stomping ground. I'm the outsider here and it makes me rethink my bold and outspoken approach. Afterall, this is not my claimed lands...sounds weird, but it's an unaccustomed thing for me.
Witching Hour
Well, it's midnight and I'm damned tired. Been tired since I hit the snooze three times this morning. It's time to turn off the laptop and go to sleep. Morning comes too early when you have to get up at 8am. *waaaaah* eh, nevermind. zzz... out.
{{end old posts}}
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 6/29/2001 09:29:36 AM ~
~
