-----
6.26.01/8:15pm
Well, here I am. Trailer central. All I can say is "yuck." It's so very discouragingly nasty. Old, old, and showing it.
*eep*
there is a NASTY thunderstorm going on - happened moments after I got back from the grocery store. Now, I'm sitting in this metal box in the middle of an empty field, feeling ~really~ safe. *snort* Yeah, because isn't that just the thing to do? Hide in metal when you're theonly thing around? I'm sure that's what it was they told me to do....
Damn, these bolts are close. What sucks is that I refuse to turn of the laptop becasue dammit, there's literally nothing else to do. There's a tv in here, but it will not get a single channel. There is no such thing as cable in this area - it's that remote. I'm about 12 miles north of Gainesville, just a 1/2 mile from my work (convienant and all, but still...) and it's nothing but corn fields, hay fields, and the like for miles and miles in every direction.
---took a break from the typing, ate some cheezits, listening to some Sarah McLachlan (her Surfacing album) hoping the storm would lighten up, but no such luck yet. It's still nasty out there and it sucks to be in here. (but I'm certainly not going to go driving around in the pitch black AND rain, so I'm stuck. (plus it's almost 9pm and I have no idea how late anything is open around here.) I know there's a Books A Million that's over by the University, but that's a good 30+ minutes away, not including all the nasty weather.
Ugh, now I know why all these drapes are open....just tried to close them and none of the cords work. They're just stuck. It's not like there's anyone around to see in, but still. It's awfully damned exposed. I'm the kind of person who NEVER opens her blinds/curtains, let alone leaves them open while sleeping! Egads, how am Igoing to survive this week? Let alone until I can get a place of my own? (which, considering I won't even get a paycheck until July 15th, is a LONG way away) I just can't do it. It's so lonely already, so gross and icky, and very, very uncomfortable that I don't know how I'm supposed to make it that long. I just can't tolerate a nasty living space. It's not in me. And this place certainly qualifies as nasty. The fact that there are three chairs here at the table, with two of them with buckeling wicker seats and the thrid with some unidentifiable black stain/burn looking thing covering the whole back, well....that's the least of it. The toilet seat is one of those cushy types ya know? Except this one is from like 1972 and is being held together with a piece of yellowed tape. I kid you not. This is not "roughing it" it's more like "living in filth." I may not have inherited the need to clean anal rententivly like my mom (and sister),but I can't tolerate a place that's just dirty to the core. I may make a mess in a I cluttered way, but nothing like the ages of filth this place has going for it. From the nasty yellow/brown/orange/mustard carpet (that's definatly the original to the trailer), the matching pea green fridge and gas stove set, and the seafoam green seersucker curtains, this place is riddled with long-borne ickiness.
---zone---
I haven't listened to this cd in awhile - like always - and (as always) I wonder why I don't listen to it more often. It's the Akira soundtrack. Very cool. Odd instrumental effects, thundering chants, and quirky in-betweens. Very cool and unique. I'm sure it's a love/hate thing though. I love it and can't imagine anyone not thinking it's great, but....at the same time, I can see how someone might get annoyed that's it too random; too much like just noise. Great background though. Once Sarah was done, I stuck this in and started typing again. Here's what sucks about the laptop though. Besides the obvious fact that the keyboard is ~tiny~ is that you rest your arms on the speakers. So, you esentially block out the sound. Rather silly I think. Someone must not have been paying attention when this puppy was designed!
I think I should be doing something constructive with all this time to type. Like finally get back to story telling. Writing one of the continual stories running around in my head. I know I want to do it, but I just never do. I think I'm just so intimedated with the whole concept of writing a novel - all those pages! - that I freeze up before I even start. It's not like I don't have a flair for words and it's not like I don't have more then my fair shair of them, it's just....daunting. Sometimes I stop myself from doing something before I even start for fear of failing. Silly I know logically, but it's hard to overcome those imbedded things that are there emotionally.
---zone---
6.26.01 10:50pm
twitch, twitch, twitch.....scared now that night has fully fallen. I can't describe the foreboding sense that permiates the very fibers of this trailer. It is drapped in the gloom and somehow shifting shadows. There are odd noises parading around both inside and out, from a bang, creak, to thumps.
----
end
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 6/27/2001 02:55:33 PM ~
~
