Well, I heard from the vet - finally! - and for the moment, I can breathe easier. Kush-ka came through his surgery without any complications. The vet said he's a strong cat and his bloodwork was fine, no problems with the anesthesia (which is a danger to cats of his age), and he's in recovery. The tumor was larger then expected - in fact, he says it was not only what you could feel, but more underneath the skin - but despite some initial fears, he says they were able to successfully remove all that they could see and feel. Sometimes, he told me, despite knowing there's more they can see, they can't always get it. Being able to remove it all is a positive thing. However, until I get the results of the biopsy back (at least 72 hours from now), I won't know if it's spread or the specifics of the type of tumor. More waiting....more nail biting.

In the meantime, he's recooping tonight under the vet's care. Tomorrow, pending how he is doing, I will either be able to bring him home, or if he's not strong enough yet, I'll at least be able to visit him. I can't tell you how much I miss him terribly...even though I'm relieved, it won't be "real" enough until I can touch and see him. So, I'm still highly emotional about the whole thing for the moment. Part of me is thrilled that he's come through it ok of course and yet the other is terrified that the results of the biopsy...I'm panicked that this will have all have been for naught.

But I can't allow myself to think that way. It's not healthy and it's not helpful. But it's hard when you love something so much and you're so powerless to control the events and make things better. At least I'm doing everything I can, but it doesn't always feel like enough...

The good news for today though is that one step is down with one more wait to go. At least he's ok, at least he's come through it, and - drastic as it may sound - at least he's alive. I'm so eager to see him tomorrow, just to see him still there... (although I feel horrible that he'll be more the worse for wear with stiches and pain medication and all) *sad*

Thank you to everyone again for your kindness and warm support and thoughts over this time. It's truly wonderful to know that people care...it's nice to read your comments because it makes me smile. (and nowadays, smiles are precious things)

More tomorrow as I know it...
*hugs*

~~ps: anyone else have thoughts on the design tests? so far, it's one vote for "blue" *grins*

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 6/22/2001 07:07:08 PM ~ ~