given.eyes.to.see dot com | the ever changing status of m v6.0: spring in bloom

RAIN!!!
You guys have no idea just how amazing it is that it's raing today! Wow. We've literally not had even trace rain in over a month. This May was the driest EVER on record and it's on the heels of a four year drought. Some parts of the state are literally 8-10 feet low in reservoirs and we've had everything from parkways to even I-4 shut down due to fires, smoke, and danger to homes and people. It's been a scary, scary time. So, when I say that it's absolutly THRILLING to see water coming down from the sky, I mean it!

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If you don't believe me, check out this quote from a local area newschannel's website.

FINALLY, THE RAIN.
Friday, June 1, 2001
"It's a welcome sight...

Showers and thunderstorms made their way into the state today. For many areas this was the first rainfall in more than a month. The rain fell to the south and east as well.

Drivers had to slow down a bit as the storms moved though. Drought indexes across the area continue to be in the extreme to severe level. It's not a drought-buster but the whole state of Florida has been in a severe drought and every little bit helps."

Let me tell you, if nothing else, it's good for the mind. Getting to a point of literal desperation around here with the local cities not only cracking down and issuing large fines for violating water restrictions, but actually stockpiling bottled drinking water in the event the situation got any worse. It's been THAT bad.

Anyway, just a quickie entry from my sister's computer. Too important not to celebrate!

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 6/1/2001 06:39:29 PM ~ ~

Hmm...let's see if I can manage to write a cohesive entry. I got about 4 hours of broken sleep last night because I had to be at an interview this morning at 8am. Note of course, that the interview itself was 40 miles one-way away. Ugh... Yeah, so anyway, since I was already all the way down here, I decided to stop by my friend Rand's house again to steal a few more moments of the internet. And, while I'm online, I might as well write another entry....so....here I am.

Take Three
The interview was the THIRD one I've had for this one position! They are taking they're sweet time about it all, which sucks because I not only need a job, but I really think I could do well in this position. The location's not bad - it's driveable from the area I want to move back to which is good - and the job itself seems dynamic enough to hold my interest. I'd be working directly for the VP of Sales and he was excited to see my HTML and newsletter experience since he wants to have some touch with those two items as well. (You know me, never opposed to making webpages and getting paid for it!) I originally met with him May 15th in person, then had a phone interviewon May 27th, then today was the final in-person meeting. He said it was between myself and one other candiate and that he'd decide over the weekend and call me either way on Monday. Damn, do I want this job!! Grr! I've been out of work for almost two months now. It's getting so terribly serious that I'm having continual nightmares about my past-due bills. It's going to be another l-o-n-g weekend in waiting! Wish me luck - I need this badly!

Does Size Matter?
Ok, so the other day, I got into this discussion with my sister about engagement rings (no, this isn't a hint on either one of our behalves - just sharing the discussion). She's under the impression that it's all about size of the stone. For her, anything less then two carats is an insult! That's one heafty-assed stone. She looks at it like, "If a guy can spend $30 grand on a truck, he can at least spend $13,000-15,000 on a ring I'll wear for the rest of my life" While I can understand the concept that it should be something that you like (and, for those of you wondering, here is what I like) but, I don't think it has to be a massive chunk of stone to be acceptable. I'd be more happy with an honestly purchased 1/2 carat stone bought out of true love, then a 2+ carat beast bought just to "buy" my love. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think it's all about the cost of the ring. *shrugs*

An Hour Later and You're Hungry Again
Isn't it weird how no matter how stuffed you are when you eat Chinese food, that truly, just a mere hour or two later, you're starving like you didn't even eat a meal? Maybe it was also that the last time I had Chinese was the other day with my Love (*wink*) when we got together to talk....and, well, talking about serious things (like bills, issues to still resolve, and assorted other split-up things like that) makes you kinda forget to actually eat. Or, it could be that I wasn't so much hungry for food again after he left as much as I was realizing how much I desperatly still miss him. I've been trying to just move on with life in general and put up an all-around "stoic" front, but damn, it doesn't mean that my heart doesn't still exclusively ache for him. He is truly the love of my life and I couldn't imagine ever not wanting him as my boyfriend/love/mate/partner. It's weird. Everyone tells me things like You're such a pretty woman, you'll find another man easily" but they fail to understand that the only man I want is him. Just my Love. No matter what ever happens, he's always going to be that - my Love. I may be trying not to show it as much, or talk continously about it, but it still hurts every single day when I'm not with him. I love him so much and can still not accept my future without him. *sigh*

The Rest
Ugh. Tired. (I know I said that in the beginning, but it's still true and the Excedrin I took is just NOT helping my throbbing headache....) Oh yeah, thanks Orbie dearest for your note as well as the notation in your blog that you sent out the modem. No worries over it being delayed - I certainly understand the lack of money! I still lack even a phone jack, so it's not like I've been without because of it. (jack comes after job since well....food, overly expensive gas, and things like that are the priority. Well....food isn't as much as gas since everything is over 30 miles south of me now, I need all my fundage to go for that). Hmmm.....train of thought just took an Amtrack. (*derailed for those of who you didn't get the joke*) Oh well. I think this is the point where I am going to close. Be well all - remember to be nice to Orb on the forum - her word is Law when I'm not there (and hell, even when I am! She's scary! *laughs*) and I expect everyone to respect that! I'll try to write again this weekend sometime if possible, but....who knows when since it's hard for me to get online.
-m

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 6/1/2001 03:31:01 PM ~ ~

YEAH!!! Ok, so it only took me a friend's computer and internet connection, several hours, lots of trial-and-error, downloading and installing several key programs (oops, it's not my computer, remember!), and then some blatent um...."borrowing" of my dear, sweet, wonderful, and did I mention generous friend Orb's CSS coding to get it to work, but dammit I am now the proud owner of my very own CGI Guestbook. Yippie! *whew* Anyway, the point is, that this will allow me to have people leave me feedback no matter what without relying on another third-party source. Blogvoices was great and I loved it (and am mad that all those great comments are now lost to me), but since I didn't make, host, or control it, I never had any say in the fact it suddenly disappeared. This guestbook script I installed is hosted on the gothic-angels.com domain meaning that the only way it will be down is if the whole damn site goes down. (in which case, it doesn't matter if you can't leave feedback since you wouldn't be able to read the blog in the first place!) So....anyway, PLEASE feel free to make use of my hard-earned efforts and click the "Feedback" link in the "Just the FAQ's" section in the left-hand column. The link will remain there always (instead of assigned to each post) and you can just comment in a continuing fashion - ongoing without the fear of it disappearing again. Once again, *whew* That was a lot of work!

Anemia - to be or not to be?
Well, I have to say, I'm VERY happy to report that I went to the hemotologist yesterday and I am officially no longer anemic!! (yeah!) My hemoglobin has gone from a count of 6.8 all the way to 13.3 and remains stable there. Normal, for the record is 12 and up. *grin* Oh yeah, it's so cool that I haven't had an iron treatment in almost three months and my counts are still remaining stable. We've removed the chance of every single problem - from bone marrow issues, to genetic anemia, etc. - and have determined there is only one continuing factor ensuring I stay on the Pill to keep my cycles as low as possible. My one defect is that I do not absorb iron from diet through my stomach like normal - which is why, no matter how much I ate, took suppliments, or vitamins - I only got sick and never improved. Hopefully though, since I don't have to go back for 6 months (November!), I will maintain a stable supply of stored iron and will be able to go for possibly years inbetween booster injections. All I can say is yeah!

Where fort art thou, Job?
*sigh* Keep pegging at the ever-diminishing job postings out there - online, classifieds, recruiters - but it seems to be going exceedingly slow. I had a great interview AND second interview with the one company, but since they were supposed to call me yesterday and I still haven't heard from them, it looks like it's another bomb. I'm going to call them tomorrow, but in the meantime - grrrrrr.... Met up with an old recruiter of mine today - she's working for a new company actually and stumbled upon my resume on monster.com - and so I've got her activly looking as well. At least it's something else in the right direction. I gotta tell you though, the ads are getting slimmer and slimmer. DAMN YOU SLACKER BUSH! I'd like to see Mr. Spoiled Rich Kid survive down here in the slumps with us poor people. It's hard when you're not in the top 2% tax percentile. (especially when you lose at least 25% of your hard-earned {and meager} wages in taxes to line their pockets. Not like I'm bitter or anything....nooo....) Anyway, it just means I'm getting further and further into debt with no lifeline in sight. Damn I'm scared.

Blood thicker then water - maybe not...
My gods, I'm going insane living at my sisters. Everything from having to leave the house on her whims to be alone with her boyfriend, to being literally yelled at about how "lazy" or "spoiled" I am, to being insulted about my personal feelings, emotional status, and everything inbetween, it's not good. It's like a prison where the warden scolds and belittles you everyday. I cringe everytime I'm there, won't leave my bedroom if she's home, and generally can't sleep or relax being there since I'm constantly on edge. In short, I hate it. Put it this way, if I owned a bed (which I don't - add it to the list of things I need to buy when I get a job) I'd seriously consider asking my mom if I could live with her instead. My MOM. *sigh* But, since I wouldn't even have a place to sleep, it's just really not an option. Sucks.

The Rest
Well...beyond the continuing frustration of being offline, having to drive over 30 miles to see my friends (and use their internet connections), and being so broke I don't eat anymore (I'm down from 115lbs to 106 as of yesterday), life is pretty boring. It's a lot of one day blending into another with no real sense of purpose, goal, or meaning. It's really bland and generally a mire of depression and listlessness. It's hard when you're figity because you're bored and yet sluggish and unwilling to move from the bed/couch to try to find something to do. Hopefully, getting in touch with my recruiter will help speed up the job hunt and then at least I can have a damn job to fill my days. Not that I want to work, but I really can't survive when I'm two months behind on everything - including slightly important things like my car payment.

Please feel free to make use of the lovely feedback/guestbook (afterall, it was a big pain in the ass to get it to work!) and I'll try to post again as possible. It's hard and I find myself not wanting to bother with these pesky things like words lately - a scary prospect since words have always been my sole comfort that survive all else. No idea or ETA as to when I might be online again (has it really been a month so far??) so take care all while I'm gone.
-m

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 5/30/2001 04:32:05 PM ~ ~