A NOTE TO ANY WHO FREQUENT MY FORUM
Ok folks, this is for real...they are discontinuing the CSC Blue level which this board now has. CSC Blue allowed us to have banner ads only - no pop-ups at all for anyone qhile here. But, it was making ezboard lose money. So, it's going away on August 31st.

THIS MEANS THAT UNLESS WE GET GOLD, EVERYONE WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH POP-UP ADS AGAIN.

And it's not just one every now and again, it's like 3-5 for each page you load. Meaning, you load a thread, there's 4 popups. Click back to the listing, there's 4 more. It's HORRIBLE. I did what I could by making the board Blue in the meantime, but now that's not an option anymore.

I AM BEGGING EVERYONE TO JUST DONATE A DOLLAR. Just $1 buck from everyone and we can get the Gold. Its simple and painless and the way to ensure that we continue to have a forum free of ALL ads (no banners even with Gold), but to ensure that the board itself continues. Things are shakey with ezboard and by paying for our costs, we guarentee that we survive.

PLEASE, show your support. Make a donnation (even a buck!!) and together this will work! And, no pressure, but the sooner the better because we have only a week at our current price of $142. After that, it will go up based on usage from the last month. (it's been locked in). We have $109 remaining. Put off buying a soda or a Big Mac please and keep this forum from being overriden with nasty ads.

Thank you so much!!
-m

*If you can't use one of the options for payment, contact me through the Feedback link and perhaps we can arrange for you to mail me payment and I will transfer it for you via MY pal-pay account.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 8/11/2001 09:17:44 PM ~ ~

ok, just to get it out....I am soooo pissed at the majority of users on the forum right now. People like {removed}, {removed}, and the dipshit {removed}. (the first two just make rouble for the sake of making trouble and the last is just too fucking stupid to do anything then be a center FOR trouble!) I'm sick of the politics, I'm sick of the bickering, and I'm sick of the general bullshit. I'm sick of watching my friend (joolo) be attacked and gossiped to death, I'm sick of having to be the "nice" one with out an opinion of her own, and I'm sick of not telling people to fuck off when they annoy me. Guess what? There are people I don't like on the board. Some of them are regulars and I get annoyed at their very presence, let alone their actual words. I don't care about being nice, fucking "fair" to everyone, nor kissing ass just to maintain balance.

I am still a fucking person and that means that I have the right to get pissed off and I am still the fucking owner of the board and that means I have the right to tell someone off too. Fuck you, it's my board.

It's just been such shit lately that I can no longer keep my hostility out of the light. I am just so annoyed with all of it - every last little melo-fucking-dramatic "outrage" and every last little person telling me that I'm such a horrible admin. They have no idea how much bullshit I go through for them and just deal with it and what do I get back? Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I get to deal with people always having something nasty-ass to say about me and who always twist my words to suit their desires.

I'm sick of the whole fucking thing right now and I've had just about enough. Seems like the only people worth talking to on the forum at all these days are the officals themselves. Everyone just has some fucking barb up their ass and I do NOT want to have to deal with each and everyone of them...I've got my own fucking barbs, I don't need theirs too.

GRRRRRRRR

I should post the transcript from the chat the other day...people were utterly defending that {removed} as if she were the fucking messiah...it's just like that lately...all I deal with is the fucking hostility of those around me and at the same time the insults of my "favoritism" Well, if that means that I stand by my friend of 8 years instead of some poster that I tend to find annoying in the first place, then yeah I'm playing "favoritism"

Anyway...I'm just so pissed right now and I needed to get it out...

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 8/11/2001 01:12:27 AM ~ ~

Question of the day... How have you been doing, M?

frustrated...poor...and entering another deep blue funk...I am just so utterly and completly beyond poor that I'm at a point where I just don't know what to do anymore...and it makes me want to just curl up and sleep...it's just that I'm at a point where no mater what I do, it's not enough...and yet, I can't even find something that is a START...gr...

The work situation is so horrible, no one is interested...I actually have an interview like 1 1/2 hours (commute time) away tomorrow and it's for like no pay and I don't want to do it but...what the hell can I do, you know? I'm sooooo bummed out... (And I didn't even get to go to the beach the other night to relax and recharge like I had planned! Grr)

My big problem is that I stil have a sense of moral decency...ie: I won't do something that I can not accept normally for myself. like I won't go strip or something. (I don't see it as "wrong" just that it's not something I could do you understand?)

Another problem is, where I am staying at my sister's nothing is "local"...everything is like 30-40 miles away and I just can't afford the gas...damn mustang is not the most fuel efficent...plus my license is a year + expired and I have no insurance...grr...it's dangerous and scares me to drive these days. A LOT.

So I'm stuck. And I don't know what the fuck to do...

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 8/7/2001 03:25:44 AM ~ ~

Not a real entry - wrote one on paper the other day in lieu of access to a pc - but that I don't have with me to retype. Been offline for a couple days now, so there's far too much to catch up on...in the meantime, here's some words from a new song that I really like. It's by the band, Five for Fighting. (the name, by the way, is a hockey reference...if you get into a fight and get a fighting major penality, it's "five for fighting"..too cool...love anything relating to hockey!)

Superman
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away…away from me
It’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 8/6/2001 08:26:58 PM ~ ~