head...hurting....
Is it time to go home yet? Please? Gods, this is a migraine coming, I can just tell. Ugh...I don't want a migaine, no no no no no. I hate these things and just when I hope that perhaps I've slowed down on getting them, bam my head explodes in pain and I'm left hurting without hope of relief. I can't even tell you how many prescriptions I've been given over the years and none of them worked. It's pretty bad when they can manage to overdose you on a painkiller that leaves you paralyzed for a day and a half, but they can't find anything to take away the headache itself.
*sigh* <--I do that a lot, don't I?
It certainly doesn't help that my neck couldn't possibly hurt more right about now. It's gotten to the point where it hurts literally every moment of everyday, no matter what I'm doing. I can never relax and never manage to get comfortable. I've even been waking up in the night from it just hurting in whatever way I'm laying. There's another thing no one's ever been able to do a damn thing about. It's just fucked up. It grew wrong and out of place as a result of being literally dragged into the world and no one realizing the effect that would have on my developing spine. I've seen doctors, chiropractors, and the lot and no one can make it any better. (the last chiropractor I saw was literally baffled how I could function and how my neck could be the way it was and why did it not even remotely respond like normal - story of my life) And neck hurting = migraines. The only thing that even remotely helps is having someone rub it for me. And I'm not talking some soft, gentle rub, I mean, it needs to be worked out really hard for me to feel it. Basically, it takes strong man hands to do it. My Love just doesn't ever for any reason want to do it for me though. He says it hurts his hands. But, gods forbid I say I need to get it done professionally then - there's no way he'd "allow" another man to give me a massage (clinical need or not). It sucks. So, I get to be in pain pretty much all the time in my life for nothing. And I'm sick of it. It makes me crabby, miserable, and depressed in one continuous cycle - one after another after another without end.
So, headache from hell, my neck's hurting like no one should ever have to feel, and all I want to do is cry. Not that it would help. It'd just make my headache worse and I still need to be able to drive home in commuter trafffic for 45 minutes. It's just not a good day.
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 1/31/2002 04:07:18 PM ~
~
