I feel a little better today - my stomach isn't trying to claw its way out of my body any longer which is certainly a good thing. It's definately not perfect, but there's finally hope that those accursed antibiotics are coming out of my system. I really need to remember to jot down what the exact Rx was so that I don't ever accidentally end up with it again. Oh no, no, no.
Red is the color of love...or is that a bleeding heart?
Don't know what to think with Valentines day (14th) and my Love's birthday (18th) both coming up so soon...one, we simply have no money for me to really get him anything, two, any money we have needs to go towards getting car insuracen before we have to renew his car's registration. Considering everyone we've quoted wants several hundred ($330+) for down payment - wanting at least half the premium, that's just not possible. I just don't exactly know what to do, get, or even expect from this month. Things have been a little more then shaky and at the same time, all I want is something wonderful and beautiful from my Valentines day. Is it wrong to want the man you love to buy you something like jewlery? I think it is, but part of me is that woman who just wants something special to show her how much she is loved. And it makes me feel so selfish; so petty - like jewlery would actually fix anything in my life. Still, the idea of it is so ingrained in me that I fear I will spend another holiday being disappointed over something ultimately trivial.
Show me the money
January 26th was my 90 day anniversary. When I got hired, my boss told me that he'd give to me in writing a promise that I'd get a raise in 90 days. He made it sound even that I should preface that with the word "significant." Now, my 90 days has come and gone and I don't really know how to approach him about it. I've never been really good on this sorta thing - I guess things of money make me intimidated like I've done something wrong and that by saying something, I've screwed everything up. Anyway, my boss was kinda mad at me the week of my 90 days because of a mistake I had made (the one I drove home crying about even after I corrected it) and I didn't want to bring it up then. Ya know, never approach your boss for something based on your performance when you left the taste of failure in their mouths. I had meant to say something the next week, but then...I don't know. I just didn't. Now I really keep meaning to say something, but I fear that there's just not the right moment - the ah ha! look how wonderful I am! kinda moment to mention it. I'm worried that the longer I go without mentioning it, the less likely it is someone else will remember (like my boss or the bookkeeper, etc.) and that I'll just end up swept under the cracks. I also worry that I'm shorting myself desperately needed money that I don't know if I'll be backdated for. And then, on top of it all, my insurance started - which is super happy joy joy wonderful, don't get me wrong - but it's taking almost $30 a week out for my half of the premium. All-in-all, money's bad and I don't know what to do from here. I'm scared of pissing him off to be honest - not because he's mean, but rather because I'm really that insecure in general about the way people percieve me in the work enviornment. Guess it's my paranoia creeping in, but after having been sick for so many years and left in a state where people really were plotting to get rid of me because of it, it's hard to stop feeling that way on command. I really like my job and my company and I panic about losing it since it took so long to find somewhere I could really say that.
Just in closing
Anyway, I'm babbling again. I need to go help the Bookkeeper now - she asked me if I could come see her when my lunch was over and that really needs to be now. I actually took almost my full hour today to myself and it felt nice. I think perhaps I might try to leave the building and go to the mall one of these days like I used to again. Not 'cause I have money for the mall, but just 'cause it's nice to get out and away for a little while. Be me and not have to think so much. :)
I did say I was closing didn't I? As I still ramble.... *lol* This time for real...over and out.
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 2/5/2002 02:44:19 PM ~
~
