Getting ready to head home, but I wanted to throw out this problem...my very best friend is having a crisis of the heart. He's in love with someone who he doesn't think can (or will) love him back. He wants to walk away from it all but I told him he needs to talk to her before just throwing in the towel...that he might be missing out on something wonderful. I started babbling at him about what he should do, how he should say it...yeah, I mean I think you should let her know. and not in a "well, sorta kinda way", but in a look, I can't help the way I feel, I need to know if you feel anything too or not...I don't mean we have to be married today or anything, but I'd like to get closer to you...I'd like us to try to be together, to see each other, to see if we can work it out. I'm not asking for the world, but I would like to at least walk out the door... He called me a softie and told me I sounded like something out of an old black and white film. Guess sometimes I do. Sometimes, I'm not as cold hearted as I may appear and I can be downright romantic. Courtly love and all you know...

I worry about him in this. I fear that he'll find another way to hurt somehow through this. Insecurity, fear, or even rejection - so many ways to fall from the tightrope. I don't know what to tell him. It's not like my own love life is perfect; it's not like I know what I'm doing in my own realtionship half the time. I just try but it doesn't always work. Trying to tell him just to try is harder still. He's sad and he's lonely and he feels somedays - most days I fear - that he is undeserving of love; of a real relatiohip. It's like the dream I had a long time ago where I woke up with these words on my tounge: we are in love with the wrong people, in the wrong places, in the wrong time... He's just had too many wrong people at too many wrong times and now he fears all people and all times. I'm afraid he's going to allow himself to wither and die inside from this - this lonliness, this fear of rejection...and I don't know how to help him. I try to tell him he's worthy of love and that he's a good person, but me telling him doesn't help if he doesn't truly believe it for himself on the inside.

Most days I'm not sure he does.

Anyway, just a ramble I guess. There's no real ending and certainly no solution. Just words that I wish helped more.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 3/15/2002 05:48:33 PM ~ ~