Fighting Whities
Found another link on the Fighting Whities. It's been hard to come by, but this one's a good one. Also, take a look here for a look at the blatant racism and sterotyping going on. (both links thanks to Enemy of the State for both links)
Kush-ka Sees the Vet
(more Kush pics here)
Took Kush to the vet on Tuesday. Had to leave work early to get him, and get there by 6pm. It's way up by my mom's - like 35 odd miles from my work. This is not the same nasty vet who ripped me off for all that money, but rather, my sister's vet, a really great doctor who spent over 30 minutes just talking to me about him, his life, his nature, etc. before even examining him. I brought him in because his left eye had been oozing this milky-white fluid and he was closing it. I also noticed the other day that there is some unknown lump on his chest. (those of you who are long-time readers will know this is very bad because he had extentive surgery for a cancerous tumor only last July. The vet says he has a viral infection right now which is really weird since he's indoors only and hasn't been around any other cat in like 6 months. He wants to do bloodwork to get an idea of how his internal organs are doing. (by the way, my cat will be 12 on Saturday) I agree and now somehow, I need to figure out how to pay for all this. I gave them a hundred dollars that night - the remainder of last week's paycheck - and another check for next Friday for the remaining $255. I don't have this kind of money. I don't know where or how I'm going to cover it. I haven't even talked to my Love about it because I don't want to upset him. I don't want to get into a fight over how much my cat means to me... And that was just for bloodwork...turns out that his kidney's are a little low on function and that he's low on potassium. Both could be side effects of the viral infection, but that's not certain. The lump is too small to do a needle biopsy, but it's definatly abnormal and with so recent a history of cancer. He's treating him with drops for his eye, antibiotics to prevent any other secondary reactions to the viral infection, and some potassium to get his levels normal. Pending that the lump doesn't get bigger too quickly, he would prefer to let the virus get out of his system before they do surgery, but if it gets any bigger, then it will need to be dealt with. It's in a really different place then the first one, and could be abnormal lymph nodes rather then another tumor, but even then, they'd still need to be removed. He also needs to have his teeth cleaned - with cats, it can cause heart, liver and kidney failure to leave their teeth stay bad, and requires them to be put under anesthia to do it - but that can be done at the same time the lump is removed.
Here's the problem. If it's $355 for exam, bloodwork, and prescriptions, how much would it be for surgery, biopsy, and teeth cleaning? Problably somewhere in the $1,000-1,500 range. His last operation was $800. Money I had to borrow that I've not even been able to pay one penny back yet. Time is of course, of the essance here - as always - and I just don't have that kind of money. Everyone wants something in bulk and I can't do it. I don't have it...Can I swing $40 or something? Yeah, I can figure it out. Can I swing $355 for the vet? No. Just like I can't swing $550 I'm behind on my car payment, or $600 I owe my uncle or $400 down payment to get insurance... I just can't do bulk. I don't make that much money and it just doesn't go far. My rent alone is 1 1/2 times one week's check, my car payment is almost a full check, and the vet bill WAS a full check. When do I get a break? When do I get a chance to do something as fucking mundane as come home after fighting for an hour in hell fucking traffic and be able to turn on the tv? Pick up the phone? Hop online? I don't have any of these things now because they're luxuries. I don't even have the money for the basic neccessities, screw the things that make life worth living. Screw the things that make you happy or give you a break from the hassle and pain of it all. I just can't shoulder these burdens anymore, I can't...I can't take this stress and I have no outlet to turn to. I used up all my friends and family last year - I don't have any place left to go this time around. Not like I want to ask for help, FUCK I'm so sick of having to rely on others to bail me out. It's like my digital camera...I've been wanting one for years and I promised myself, foolish or not, that I deserved to have something for myself once in my life. I planned to use my tax return to buy one, foolish or not, I'm so tired of denying myself everything in this world while watching others breeze by without a care. But now...? How can I justify spending $400 on a toy for myself - artistic yearnings be damned - when there's so much more looming that I need? What's stupid is that $400 is nothing to what I need and owe. It won't even put a dent into my debts, just get lost in the shuffle of money I need and don't have. It won't fix anything and it won't pay back in full even one bill I owe. Sucks, hu? The price of living is so much more then I can bear. When I made a sum total of $6,995 last year - the WHOLE year - but had over $20,000 in bills and needs...you tell me what's right in this world.
I find myself nose-to-the-wall again and I don't know that I even care. I just know I need to find a way to help my cat again and I'm out of options. The clock's ticking, the water's rising, and I'm just standing there. Where's the door? There isn't one. And I'm sick of holding my breath.
I feel the deep blue funk rising inside me and I think that this time, it may just win.
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 3/14/2002 10:56:36 AM ~
~
