This whole week, I've been home from work because of the "issues" going on. I've been home because I'm supposed to be deciding if I can accept that nothing was done in light of my complaint, that it's been shown to not matter to the owner (because, afterall, who cares if the VP engages in illegal activities during work hours so long as he still brings in the sales?), and that it's just something I have to "change my feelings on" and never bring up again if I wish to remain in the good graces (read: employed) by him. That's just wrong. One person is not right by viture of being older then I am (an excuse used), nor because it's their company. Owners are just as failable as anyone else and probably more so since they have a personal bias and personal investment to cover. (so what if one or two employees leave? they're dispendable). It makes no difference that I am 24 and he is 47; if I perceive a problem then there must be at least something that has triggered this reaction. A person just doesn't up and decide that its a fun thing to say for the heck of it. A person doesn't need to have years and years of management experience to recognize this (which is another slight to me since I have been responsible for managing employees before). And a person doesn't report these things unless they really feel strongly about them and are bothered by them. To then dismiss it outright and basically mock the person for it is just...wrong. Which has brought me full circle to my thoughts this week.
I'm in denial that someone could truly be that cold; that someone rather shelter the guilty party for fear of loss of revenue then help the innocent party function in her work environment without stress, discomfort and physical anxiety. It shouldn't be ok for a person to come into work throwing up from stress and hostile work environment while another comes in flying high on illegal substances. There's something wrong with this equation. So this week, I've tried to think this through, to come to terms with the horrid little reality an owner must live in to find such things acceptable. And it's in that moment that I realize that I am not like him. Money - while certainly important - is not the primary factor in my life. That my sense of right and wrong and sticking true to my guns and my feelings are worth more then bowing and scraping for a paycheck. If I allow such an awful slap to the face of my merit, my intelligence, and my opinions to be forgotten about just to stick it out and stay there, then I've totally sacrificed myself and my ethics. No, it's not an easy road to remain true to what you hold to, but dammit, I finally understand that sometimes you have to hold to it. If I don't, then how can I look at myself in the mirror anymore? How am I any better then he whom I am fighting against? He is injust and in the wrong here. I will not condone that with my actions by pretending it's ok. Because it's not. And somethings are worth fighting for. In this case, I've decided that fairness is one of them.
So, I'm on the hunt. For a new job, for justice, and for inner peace in my ethics. All three start today and there's no more room for denial. It's not the easiest but then, many times, the right things aren't. I'll get through as I always do somehow and this time, I won't stop until I succeed in earning all three.
Networking : Your Help Needed!
Now, let's network. Who needs a beyond talented, super preformer, computer god employee with technical skills, managerial skills, office skills up the wazoo, and a love of all things web/graphic design? Someone who has a natural flair for writing, is great with people and customers and has either already done it or can learn it? Who knows MS Office inside and out, can (obviously) design websites, who has a creative mind, and who has a strong sense of ethics? If you're in West Central Florida, drop me a note. If you know of a company or a job service, or a headhunter, or anything, let me know. I'm not kidding. Dammit, I have a pretty busy site and its about time I use it to help myself. :)
Thank all.
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 4/12/2002 02:57:34 PM ~
~
