Blah. I just realized as I meander through my blog links across the net how sparse I've been on my own entries. Brief little things I've been putitng down but I think that has to do with so very little going on in my life. Not much you can do when you're unemployed, HORRFICALLY broke, past due on all your bills, and stuck with one car at the moment and therefore homebound 24/7. In short, it sucks.

I've been getting a lot of headaches again the last week or so. Might have something to do with the sheer number of hours I've been sleeping lately. What else is there to do but stay awake until I am so tired I collapse and then sleep the day away? My Love's battery went dead, but it doesn't matter anyway, he can't legally drive it. His tag expired in February and we can't renew it 'cause we don't have car insurnace. You need the proof of insurance when you get your new tag. Mine will be expiring in exactly seven days and then we'll have to illegal cars. Nice, hu? And with said birthday coming up and us not having any money, it's going to fucking suck. I hate to sound petty, but gods, I'd like to think I deserve something special on my birthday and now there's no way in hell that's going to happen. I mean, let's break it down shall we?

1st Rent - $620/month - paid May
1st storage unit - $100/month - not paid
3rd cable & internet - $70/month - not paid
10th my Love's cell phone (only phone right now) - $50 - not paid
16th plate renewal - $45 - not paid
(insurance to get tag - $500/down - not paid)
16th my birthday (a gift maybe?) - not paid
20th power - $110/month - not paid
20th car payment in full + 1/2 extra payment (for being past due) - $415 - not paid
23rd Love's car payment - $300 - not paid
1st rent - $620/month - not paid
1st storage unit - $100/month - not paid
3rd cable & net - $70/month - not paid
7th payment (1 of 8) for Kush's sugery - $120/month - not paid

....and on and on and on.....not to mention pesky things like food or gas or anything. Let's also not talk about shit like MY cell phone with it's $200 past due (it's been off for months now, but I was having all kinds of problems with service they weren't resolving), or the thousands in medical expenses I'm getting from my lovely three day hospital stay back in January, or the little things in life like all my clothes are literally falling apart they're so old.

Yeah, yeah, pitty party for me right? But I guess it's like I'm just so mad that this stuff always happens when it means I get the short end of the stick. I don't get a christmas, I don't get a birthday, I don't get any number of happy days that I should - out of all the damned year! - be entitiled to. Fuck. I mean, my 25th birthday is in seven days and it's like no one cares - unless it's a way to fuck me over.

Sorry, bitter, upset and on the verge of tears. I better close before this gets worse.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 5/10/2002 11:52:12 PM ~ ~