Well, day two of my latest go at scheduled meditation complete. To start, I'm doing 10 minutes at least two times a week to get myself into the habit and to get accustomed to the schedule. The first was done Wednesday. (I'm terrible with getting into a good habit, so I'm working on it slowly and realistically)
Thoughts so far....well, today was a bit harder for me then the first time. I had a hard time keeping from being distracted by every little noise. I also felt the attention of those in my apartment complex much more keenly. (I also kept thinking how my Love and friend Rand were just inside beyond the blinds and might come out at any moment - I find explaining the idea of getting into a meditative pattern awkward to either of them.) For lack of anywhere better, I am sitting on my balcony and doing it there. It's outside, it's mostly private and it's the best I've got around here. I was looking forward to it today though - which is a positive step for me - but wanted to wait until it had come closer to sunset. The afternoon is just too hot to be outside for any amount of time.
I find I feel short of breath when sitting though and it's a distraction. Perhaps I am unaccustomed to sitting cross-legged? I try to focus on breath deeply and yet get distracting moments of not enough air. I hope this resolves itself as I continue as it's a hinderance now.
I like the way I feel though in those brief moments where I don't just feel my body; where I feel the air and like a pressure in a way. It's hard to describe. It's very fleeting now, but I believe if I can keep up with it, I have something to look forward to. I need this. I need a way to quiet down my mind and just be every now and again. I need to work on the things I feel and the senses I have.
So...anyway, dinner is almost ready and I'm starved. I've not eaten a thing yet today (there is no food in this house) so I'm going to join them for the meal.
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 5/31/2002 07:50:18 PM ~
~
