Well, none of that happened. Seems they hadn't bothered to do it yet - despite Chris going to the CFO of the company and telling them they needed to do it NOW nor was it sent out. So I ended up having $500 less then what I needed to pay the rent and it was the last day to pay it. I ended up having to call my friend Rand and impose on him - yet again, this is like dozens of times I've had to rely on him at the last minute and I'm so sick of feeling like I'm just using him but I just didn't have a choice - to front me the $500 by check that I could pay him back tomorrow when they finally get around to overnighting the counsulting check to me. So I meet him but he's running late because of another technical issue his mom was having with her email and then when he got there, he realized he was out of checks so we had to drive back over to his house - all the while, he's missing his lunch hour and actually eating - get the checkbook, drive back to where my car was and write me a check. At this point, I need to get to the bank because it's like 1:15pm (my appointment remember was at 2pm an hour drive away and I wasn't even dressed for it yet) but guess what? I forgot to bring with me the rest of my money to make the total amount of the money order (they would not accept cash or check, only money order or cashier's check). So I had to drive back to the apartment (the opposite direction of course to the bank), call the recruiter and reschedule for tomorrow (oh yeah, looks sooo professional to cancel an appointment 20 minutes before you're supposed to be there) and then get to the bank, get the money order and get it back to the rental office.
UGH.
And then, last night I discovered something really fucking scary. One of my teeth is cracked. Fuck. Back when I was little and first moved to Florida (like 16 years ago) I had a cavity filled. Well that tooth (a molar in the middle right hand side bottom of my mouth) is the one that's now cracked. For over a year it would hurt when I'd have something sugary on that side - sharp, sharp stab of pain - but a year or so ago when I had my second cavity filled I mentioned it and they said there was nothing wrong there. (the 2nd cavity was on the other side). So it goes on like this, nothing there, X-rays showed nothing until last night, I'm brushing my teeth and I see it. A HUGE split right down the front part of the tooth. This is so not good.
I do a web search on this because, quite frankly, I'm panicking at this point (I've never had a problem like this before) and I find out all sorts of nasty information I just don't need right now. Like, at the very least, the filling needs to be removed and the tooth x-rayed to see how far the crack extends. They will definately need to do a cap and possibly (if it's cracked deep enough) a root canal also (oh fuck). There is also the risk of losing the tooth all together either now, or at some later point - even if I do treat it properly. Fuck fuck fuck. And time is now very much of the essance. The longer I let it go, the worse it's going to get. But....oh yes, now I remember. I have no fucking insurance because I have no fucking job and the unemployment office denied my claim after three months of waiting for an answer and now I'm waiting again for an appeal and I can't fucking do this shit anymore!!!!!!!!
I can't. I just can't keep on like this. I can't make my car payment, I can't pay my rent, I can't pay my power bill, I already lost my cable and internet a while ago, I can't pay my storage unit, I don't have insurance so I can't renew my car's registration, and now I have health problems I can't do any fucking thing about. I'm fucking drowing here, literally drowning and I can't keep holding my breath...
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 7/17/2002 04:55:16 PM ~
~
