I know I haven't written anything in over a day, but there's been all kinds of frustrating shit going on. I've just not wanted to deal with it, let alone talk about it. Here's the short of it from another rant I wrote somewhere else. It's not everything, but it at least touches the surface of why I'm so upset.

August 5th 2002
stupid asshole old men

Today was my first day at a job I didn't want to accept but had to because I'm fucking poorer then shit and don't even get me started on the fact the asshole president today actually said as I walked by, "Hey Tinkerbell, get over here"

TINKER FUCKING BELL?

Then he had the nerve to say after I stare at him and say Tinkerbell?!?, "Yeah, whatever. What's your name again?"

ARG. FUCKING NASTY OLD MEN WHO WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO ADDRESS A LADY TO SAVE HIS LIFE.

And this is just day fucking one.
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August 6th, 2002
the value of self worth

Do u really need to deal w/ that kind of treatment and lies? M, is that or any job worth that? I think u can find something else or just be happier without the harrassing comments.
-T

no i don't think it's worth it. and under any other situation, my love would be the first one to beat him up for that.

but........

things are so bad and finances so desperate that right now, my love thinks it IS worth it and me not going is ruining our realationship. He thinks ANYTHING is worth it while I believe there's a line that still needs to be drawn... you can't just expect someone to knowingly demean themselves (and especially not just for money and just for fucking $10 an hour at that).

Today i called in sick. I couldn't go. I really did throw up this morning from the stress of it. I'm not sure if I'm going back tomorrow or not. I don't know.

See if I don't, then I become the bad guy - not the asshole who harrassed me - because I'm the one purposely at this point preventing us from income.

It's a fucking twisted circle. and I want off.
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There. That's part of it. The rest I don't want to get into right now since it's 1:30am and I most likely will be getting up and heading in there tomorrow. Though I don't want to and I don't feel like I can, I don't know, I sorta need to. I did spend today being productive and got out like 20 resumes and spoke with a woman who wants to set up an interview for next week and Rand's still pushing for me to get into his company, so all is not lost, just maybe this job...which, I don't really think is a bad thing because I don't think it's the right thing for me in the first place. There's SO MUCH MORE I could go into on why it was officially a Day From Hell, but it's not worth it. Suffice to say it was and I hate them and I'm doing everything I can to be somewhere else within the next couple days - even if it's some retail job at the mall. Beats being treated like shit.

Anyway, out for now. If I don't post rabidly the next couple days, just know it's because I'm overwhelmed with all this shit.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 8/7/2002 01:35:19 AM ~ ~