I was up again all last night. I can't stop throwing up everything I eat. It's been three days now. I was so miserable - hours and hours literally unbroken in the bathroom - I worried over going to the hospital/ER just to try to make the pain and misery stop. It was finally when my Love was getting up for the day (at 7am) that I finally was able to pass out into sleep. He held me and stroked my hair and I finally was able to sleep. For the first time all night. I slept until about 11:15am. Not enough by half...still so tired and so miserable.

I'm really worried at just how sick I am and if I keep throwing up today I think I will have to go to the hospital. I haven't eaten in like three days now and have only managed to keep a very small amount of ginger ale and some saltine crackers down this whole time. Everything else - including pills - hits my stomach like lead and comes back up no matter if I want it to or not.

Last night I cried and begged to sleep; to feel better; to just be allowed to rest. I don't know what to do anymore I really am very worried...I can't recall being this sick for this long. (I normally rarely ever throw up. and if I do, once is like a huge thing. to be losing everything I eat no matter how bland it is and how carefully i try to take it, is so depressing) Last night, as my Love was holding me I said I feel like I'm dying and I meant it. He ssshhh'd me and calmed me but it's been so bad.

I'm supposed to call my boss today. I don't know what to tell him. There's no way I'll be strong or well enough to be there tomrrow even if I suddenly am able to hold down food today. I'm so weak.

I'm going to try to lay down though I feel like I'm going to puke again - my antibiotic...blah. I need that so I can get rid of the UTI I have at the same time as all of the rest. Hopefully sleep will be kind and I can pass a few hours with rest.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 9/11/2002 01:01:26 PM ~ ~