I'm really bored. Just sitting here at the computer, reading up on forums and such out of habit. Just going through the motions. Don't particularly care or find myself interested in the slightest in anything I'm looking at, just sorta doing it because, well...there's really nothing else to do. Went through the Sunday paper, wrote out all the job opprotunities I might be able to wiggle my way into, emailed off to the (ooh whopping huge number here) five which had email addresses listed and that's about the sum total of the productive stuff I have to do. Well, I could go take a shower or something, but...eh...

That's just how everything is lately. Eh or sobbing. Eh like now when...eh....just don't feel like doing anything; am completly unmotivated; and just sorta feel...empty. Then there's times like last night where I noticed something else wrong about Kush-ka's health and I lost it and started bawling again. I didn't go to bed until about 5:45am and couldn't sleep until like 7am. Slept 'til 2pm, didn't want to get up - didn't seem to be a reason. Every day seems just like the one before and there's no point to any of it.

Still not eating. Just can't. It's like I never feel hungry. Yesterday I managed four out of five chicken nuggest from Wendy's and a handful of fries. Munched on some tortilla chips in the evening and that was really about it. Tonight, I had one bite of the rice and chicken my Love made and I felt sick. I just get this feeling like I'm going to lose it if I even smell it or think about it too much, let alone eat it. I snack during the day on and off and ate some cereal tonight and a cup of yogart so hey, that's a lot for me lately. My Love's worried...wants to make sure I eat of course. I feel bad because he makes such wonderful meals - he's by far the chef of the household, I am no cook - and I eat a bite or two and feel ill. It's not him or his food...it's just...I don't know honestly. I wish I did. Maybe it's just depression.

Anyway.... *shrugs* that's how it goes. ttfn.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 10/13/2002 11:42:49 PM ~ ~