I am so sick of lies and drama and bullshit. There are so many people on the net that just don't know how to let things go. They continue on, year after year, and spend obscene amounts of time hating people they don't even know. So I just walk away - ignore it and leave them be. Of course, that's not enough; it's never enough. They have to continue on, waging some war that never was.

But then I become privy to information I didn't want to know. I learn things that just make me think all the more taht I should just disappear once and for all. People who I thought of as friends; people I've talked with and enjoyed their commentary; people I've thought were honestly decent enough at the end of the day. But instead, they're liars. And the worst kind of liar at that - the kind who are nice to your face and then go behind your back and say how much they hate you; or how they hope you cause havoc. If you don't like someone,whatever, that's your business, but at least have the fucking balls to say it to their face. None of this covert shit where it's layers and layers of meaningless intrigue and conspiracy of who's really on who's side. I don't need fucking bullshit like this in my life. Not one fucking ounce of it.

And yes, it never seems to go away. I waste all this time and money and effort to keep having people pull the rug out from under me for no reason - or worse, for a reason of just trying to do harm. What the fuck is that about? I'm sick of it. I'm so weary of it I just want to go away forever and never come back. Kill off MemoryandDream and wipe my hands clean of the taint I've mucked in for four years trying to do something half-way fucking decent.

I'm so burnt out on it right now, the whole thing just sickens me. And I don't think I want to continue with this bullshit any longer. I really don't.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 11/17/2002 04:43:25 AM ~ ~