I mean....wow. Strange. I don't even feel like we've past Halloween yet, let alone Christmas and now New Year's is here on our doorstep. Where does time go so quickly these days? I remember the endless summers of my youth - how it stretched towards infinity and held the promise of warm sunshine and hours riding bikes for miles and miles; how the days seemed fuller and how they had definition from one to the next. When did I lose that? When did they just blur seamlessly into one, large tangled memory? When did time get up and move away without me, leaving me behind somewhere looking at empty walls and forgotten scraps of days gone past? Is this what it means to "grow up?" Do we just lose touch with the passage of this thing we call time, as it moves on without us and without our consent, stealing our lives away piece-by-piece until one day, you wake up, and it's over and done behind you?
It's so weird. Some days I feel like there's an infinity of time left for me. That I'm young and this is how I'll always be. But I won't will I? None of us stay the way we think ourselves to be. Even long after the mirror stops reflecting us the way we expect it to, and our bones stop moving with the fluidity and grace of youth, we still think of ourselves the same way and we wonder how it all changed... Other days, I blink and I find myself drifting in a sea so very far away from home; from the places I remember from before and the times I thought would never end.
I guess I'm just reflective tonight, facing this the last day of yet another year. All at once, I crave the change the new year to bring and fear the passing of yet more precious time without direction or purpose. I am adrift the waves of years and I long for the comfort of the shore. May everyone remember tonight of all days, their distant shores and may you all find the ones to come.
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 12/31/2002 02:41:39 AM ~
~
