It's my lunch so I'm trying to write an entry. I've noticed I've not written many entries lately and realized there's several reasons for that...one, I don't have a lot of time to dedicate to writing one from work; two, I've been spending my time catching up on things arcoss the net; and three, I just haven't really had a lot to say. I mean, there's stuff going on in my life and all, but I've just not really felt like writting about it. It doesn't seem worth it to me to talk about how my vet fucked me over and put through not one, but two checks from waaaay back in July 2001, each for $128.91 within 4 days of each other. I had to borrow money just to make sure the rent check cleared, then spent the next week short as well. This is after those fuckers tried putting through the checks multiple times, costing me fees, promising me credits for their errors, and then sending me nasty letters that I have to pay their fees all after agreeing to accept smaller payments instead... it just doesn't seem worth it. No one cares. I don't want to think about it so I damned well know no one else wants to read about it. I'm sick of bitching and even more sick of having shit things to bitch about.

I've been stuck working way too late all last week and most of this; getting stupidly overtired, frustrated, and generally hating life. Waking up at 6:45am, leaving the apartment by 7:30am, getting to work like 8am, not leaving for a lunch, being here until 7:00pm and getting home like 7:30pm is just too damned much. Twelve hours a day with eight hours a day of pay and being shorted on holidays...I'm just overworked. I mean I like the job and the people and everything, but I have a life outside my job, you know? Or at least I should. I don't think a company should rule your personal life and these many hours in a day does just that. I have all of two hours or so of time to myself to eat, shower, relax, watch tv, or whatever before I need to go to bed and do it all again. It's just making me crazy...yesterday, I got home at about 6:30pm and it was weird being home so early. there's something wrong with that!

So much for not bitching...

I'm just still broke, still tired, still hurting, still frustrated, still worn-out, still lonely, still empty, still angry, still all this bullshit I was all of last year when I thought the solution was a job and independance. Ok, been there, done that, still feeling like the world is trying it's damnest to fuck me over personally. I'm not this bad of a person and I don't fucking deserve the shit I get dealt. I've been the one on the receiving end of everyone's crap for sooo looong all the while everyone else gets gold, it's just fucking too much.

Whatever. Sick of pointlessly bitching and none of it matters. I'm sick of being out fucking hundreds and hundreds of dollars that people who don't need take from me and leave me without things like food. Fuck them. Fuck everyone. Just fuck it all.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 1/17/2002 03:54:42 PM ~ ~

No entry today. Ran around half psychotically busy; half mad. It's time to go home. Hell, it's 6pm so it's an hour past time to go home. I need the rest.

Perhaps an entry tomorrow. I don't know.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 1/16/2002 05:56:19 PM ~ ~

Ugh. My head hurts. I feel ugly. My cam is on but I think people will be just laughing at me today for looking so nasty. I feel stupid. I feel used. I feel worn out. I feel like I'm missing the big picture. I feel like everyone's plotting something behind my back that will just fuck my life. I feel like I'm everyone's toy. I feel like I'm just a big, stupid failure. I feel like everyone's just using me since I'm here and easy to be used. I feel like a doormat. I feel like crying. I feel like running away. I feel like sleeping for days. I feel like running away from the world. I feel like pretending I'm not me and never was me. I feel like everything's just off. I feel like everything's just wrong. I feel like everything's just weird. I feel almost nothing but when I do it just hurts. I feel like all I can feel is hurt. I feel like the bad guys always win in the end. I feel like the odds are always going to be stacked against me. I feel like it's just all a big pile of shit.


I don't know what I feel. I just know that today none of it is happy.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 1/15/2002 11:30:49 AM ~ ~

Wanna see a ghost?
Check this site out for a really cool optical illusion.

Go to this website and stare at the door for a minute (actually about 30 to 45 seconds) and you will see the ghost. Don't take your eyes off the doorway.

http://www.mtaonline.net/~brownson/images/way-board.gif

LOL, awesome, huh?

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 1/14/2002 01:37:25 PM ~ ~

*yawn*







Go Faeries!!


Take the What Faery Are You? Quiz!

This quiz was made by lia


(thanks again to Dawna for the neat-o quiz. Wish I had time to find them myself!)

Ok, I saw the single funniest thing this weekend in the parking lot for the Super Wal-Mart. The car that was parked next to me had a notice that it was "Protected by Eletronic Alarm" That's good since there's nothing else protecting it. (click image for for a full-sized version with the real kicker)


Let's see, I also got up some pics of My Office at work you can check out. And, I did have the hockey game and new years page with me, but I apparently forgot to bring the actual images. (doh!) Finally got my hands on Rand's camera to upload these pics on my pc. I also have a slew of art that I've done recently with my new digital pen, but I don't know how much of it I want to show off. A bit shy about that sorta stuff. :)

Anyway, need to get going, just a quickie update for now. I'll try to write more on lunch.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 1/14/2002 10:52:57 AM ~ ~