When it comes to being mysterious, that's what you do best. You like to leave others puzzled and speak in riddles. You're not out there for the fame and fortune, you're just being yourself, doing what you do best. You're strong and courageous, and you're always the leader of the pack. You're skillful; people respect you, and you respect people.
Morpeus, eh? *shrugs*
It's lunch and since I brought in a couple slices of leftover pizza to eat, I'm not going anywhere. Well, I will run to the bank when someone gets back, but that'll only take a couple minutes and leaves me time to pop off quickie journal entry.
Man, I've been busy this morning on this project my boss has given me - manually plowing through pages of leads to match them up with the marketer, sales consultant, and source to compile into a massive spreadsheet. Ugh. I hate spreadsheets. They're so...boring. (That's what I get for listing "managed and updated 85 page workbook covering southeastern region sales tracking" on my resume! *lol*) It's one of those projects that literally takes your whole day and you end up with a couple statistics when you're done that don't mean a whole lot. But, it's one of those things that management simply loves to have and so you spend all day on it to give them their statistics. *laughs*
My head's a little better today, but the migraine is still lurking in the background. Anyone who gets them will understand how you can feel it hovering but not really be in any serious amount of pain - it's just like the promise of pain. *shudder* My neck is being pure evil still and is doing that really icky burning thing where it feels like where the bones should be, there's only this lava instead. It's hard to describe, but it sucks and I don't think I'd wish this on anyone. Having a fucked up neck is really shitty. On the better side of it, my Love actually offered to rub it for me last night while we watched Disney's Atlantis (pretty good, nice animation, no songs) on DVD. He actually did it for a really long time and that was nice. Then I had to go and sleep which screwed it all up again. (No, I can't win with this battle)
The really fun part of last night was when my phone started ringing at 3:15am. No, no, it's ok, I really didn't want to sleep or anything. It of course can be only one person, the ever-annoying, Crystal. Ugh. This girl has so many damned issues that if she ever solved them, there'd just be nothing left. And here's the difference between her and me: she screws up her life all on her own. It's not just like really bad luck that I seem to have, no, 'cause then I couldn't get so annoyed with her. Instead, it's things like quitting her job because she's bored with it (even though it was her first full-time job in awhile and made her good money) to go work with her stepmom who has purposly screwed her over on multiple occassions. Hmm, guess what happens? Of course! Her stopmom screws her over the first moment possible to cover her own ass. It's shit like that, her HORRD choice in men (and calling them men is a compliment), and her ungodly bitchy attitude that makes her perfect and everyone else peons to do her bidding that has me fed up and not willing to take any shit from her anymore. Needless to say then, I was beyond peeved that she calls last night crying over her latest "winner" of a boyfriend. Look, if we have to TELL you to leave 'cause he's drunk and hitting you, there's really something wrong. I don't know what her problem is, but the last couple months/year, she's just on this wicked path of self-destruction.
Anyway....it's another hot day today. Been in the mid 80's all week - record tying/breaking temperatures. Supposedly, we're to get back down to our normal temps of the low/mid 70's for this time of year come this weekend, but I'm not holding my breath. We had about one week of cool weather all season so far and it just keeps getting hotter and hotter. (It's miserable. Trust me, when you already have 9 months of sweltering, suana-like conditions, you really want - and look forward to - a break)
In totally non-related news, tomorrow is a busy day for me since I have to work from 8am-12pm and then come home, grab my Love and head to my friend Rand's house to watch the All Star Game after that. Whoo-hoo! Hockey! Man, without cable, I've been so out of touch. I have no idea how any team's doing, and I've only seen one game all season - the Bruins game we went to when they played against the Lightning. That's just sad. I think there's also some other sports thing going on this weekend, but who cares? HOCKEY! :)
Ok, well, it's about that time I guess. Sorta a babbling, rambling entry, but hey! It's an entry. TTFN.
On suggestion of another, I added a new item on my wishlist It's a massage thingy. It's got great reviews and dammit, something's gotta help, so anyone with an extra $60 - that's the top item on the list right now. *laughs* (it's not like I've got the cash for it *sighs*)
Anyone have experience with these things? Or anything like it? Anything at all? Leave me a note in my feedback (below the post). Thanks.
And then on a slightly more humorous note - even with severe pain you gotta find something to laugh at, yes? Some new words someone used to find this journal. Ready?
"mucus plug" +overdue Mmmm...mucus plug. Oh yeah, that sums me up.
rob zombie's life bio And, damn, the secret's out. I AM Rob Zombie. Yup. *lol*
Makes me wonder when the heck I ever said these things?! *lol*
Is it time to go home yet? Please? Gods, this is a migraine coming, I can just tell. Ugh...I don't want a migaine, no no no no no. I hate these things and just when I hope that perhaps I've slowed down on getting them, bam my head explodes in pain and I'm left hurting without hope of relief. I can't even tell you how many prescriptions I've been given over the years and none of them worked. It's pretty bad when they can manage to overdose you on a painkiller that leaves you paralyzed for a day and a half, but they can't find anything to take away the headache itself.
*sigh* <--I do that a lot, don't I?
It certainly doesn't help that my neck couldn't possibly hurt more right about now. It's gotten to the point where it hurts literally every moment of everyday, no matter what I'm doing. I can never relax and never manage to get comfortable. I've even been waking up in the night from it just hurting in whatever way I'm laying. There's another thing no one's ever been able to do a damn thing about. It's just fucked up. It grew wrong and out of place as a result of being literally dragged into the world and no one realizing the effect that would have on my developing spine. I've seen doctors, chiropractors, and the lot and no one can make it any better. (the last chiropractor I saw was literally baffled how I could function and how my neck could be the way it was and why did it not even remotely respond like normal - story of my life) And neck hurting = migraines. The only thing that even remotely helps is having someone rub it for me. And I'm not talking some soft, gentle rub, I mean, it needs to be worked out really hard for me to feel it. Basically, it takes strong man hands to do it. My Love just doesn't ever for any reason want to do it for me though. He says it hurts his hands. But, gods forbid I say I need to get it done professionally then - there's no way he'd "allow" another man to give me a massage (clinical need or not). It sucks. So, I get to be in pain pretty much all the time in my life for nothing. And I'm sick of it. It makes me crabby, miserable, and depressed in one continuous cycle - one after another after another without end.
So, headache from hell, my neck's hurting like no one should ever have to feel, and all I want to do is cry. Not that it would help. It'd just make my headache worse and I still need to be able to drive home in commuter trafffic for 45 minutes. It's just not a good day.
Today was my Wednesday which means this Saturday is my Saturday. What that means is that this is the one Saturday a month that I have to work - it's only a half day; 8am-12pm. But, for working the Saturday, I get to work only a half day the Wednesday before. So, this is my Wednesday. It is wonderful to sleep in until after 10am and not have to be at work 'til noon. My day is flying by - so fast, I've not even had time to think about hooking up the cam. I know that the early wake-up on Saturday will be hell though..it always is. But, you gotta take the good and the bad I guess.
I don't know how I feel today. I'm just sorta here, going through the motions, getting my work done. I really want to do a new layout for this journal, but I don't know what I want to change it to. I like the eyes and such, but I think it's gotten too cluttered. Eh, when it comes to layouts, I'm never happy for long. I even want to redo the domain itself already and I've not even finished it as it is now. *sighs*
Life. *insert large, depressed sigh here* Really, what's the problem? Hu? Why does it just not work right? Why is it that things that seem so simple and easy and that should move along nicely don't? Or, even worse, the things you never expected just sorta *poof* appear in your lap and now you're stuck dealing with them? There has GOT to be a better way to figure this all out, I mean really...
My car, the warrenty that was, and the transmission work that will be Ok, so I was running out of warrenty miles. My extended warrenty ends at 97,300 miles. I was at 97,150 or so and I realized that with 40+ miles a day just to get to-and-from work, that I was running out of time to get it in and get it looked at and anything warrenty-covered fixed. So, last Friday I took it to the dealership. Now, the dealership is about 15 minutes north of where I live (which is like 45 minutes north of where I work). They had it Friday, Saturday, Sunday and wanted me to come in first thing Monday morning to do a test drive with the service guy. It's shuddering when in stop-and-go traffic and not going into gear. I think there's something wrong with the transmission. Transmission is an expensive thing to work on when you have to pay for it yoursef. So, I go there before work and spend the next hour and a half driving with not one, but two guys all over the place. What happens? Nothing of course. Damn shit wouldn't happen when they were in the car with me. So, already, this it the fourth day without the car and they can't reproduce the problem. The warrenty company won't pay for a manual inspection - ie: taking it all apart and running tests - because it's not a "validated" concern. (yeah, I just made the shit up) Arg! So, I'm out $60 for the inspection they did, they did NOT fix anything, and I didn't have my car for 6 days now. I'm getting it back tonight - there was a recall on the hood that I had them take care of while they already had it. Now, I'm of course worried that in a month's time, my transmission will fall out of my car or something, the warrenty people will laugh, and I'll get stuck holding the bill. In short: Grr.
It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world Driving around like crazy in one car is just evil. This was yesterday: Get up, take my Love to work, fight with traffic from hell to continue north to dealership. Drive my car around for an hour, find nothing wrong. Get back in my Love's car, drive almost an hour to work. Drive all the way home, pick up my Love, drive all the way back down near my work to go to his Mom's house for her birthday. Drive home.
Needless to say, I put far too many miles in yesterday. There was so much driving and running around that I never even had a chance to eat dinner. No dinner for me and damn was I hungry. *pouts*
So this morning, I suddenly realized as it was time for me to walk out the door, that I had to take my Love into work again today. Crap. That meant for the third workdayin a row (Fri, Mon, Tues) I was going to be late. This really sucks and when I say something to the effect of "aw, shit" my Love gets mad at me for making him feel guilty. Woah, back up, I was just upset - not blaming anyone. Well, of course, this logic didn't fly and we ended up getting in a fight. He told me to go and his coworker (who lives in the next building over) would take him. So, I was late already (from waiting the 15 minutes or so for him to get ready before the fight), had gotten into a fight, and now was driving to work sobbing. Not a good thing. What doesn't help was I got chewed out for forgetting one bloody thing at work the day before: to order some new forms.
Form fitting or fit of anger? Friday my coworker Michelle gave me some forms to scan (so we'd have digital copies) and a post-it with some of our carbon forms to reorder. Well, I scanned the ones and just honestly forgot about the other. I only thought "forms - done" once in my head. You know what? It happens, I'm freakn' human, ok? So anyway, it's like 4:30pm and she asks me if I ever ordered them. I had to ask her what she meant 'cause I was just thinking the ones I scanned. She reminds me and I was like "Oh my goodness - I am SO sorry, I forgot!" At which point, I quickly go online, order them, email the lady who handles the order and ask (plead) with her to get the order out that night so we'd get them this AM on overnight. I also left her a voicemail. My boss comes rampaging over though and starts in on how important they are and how it's something we need, etc etc. - all of which I KNOW, but I've already corrected the situation, apologized, and ensured delivery for next-day morning delivery (we had them by about 9:30am). I thought it was over and done with until I'm walking out the door and he calls me into his office. He proceeds to tell me how unless I get more productive - "like tomorrow" - he'll move me out of my office and stick me upfront. (not that there's room up there - Michelle's upfront and there's only one desk and one pc there) This makes me so miserable that I end up bitching on the phone - and cursing like a sailor - to my friend Joolo the whole drive home. You have to understand, I'm here from 8am through at LEAST 6pm everynight. Some nights, I've been here until 7:30pm at night! I'm on salary so when I put in a 50-60 hour week (which I do every week), I only get paid for 40 hours. That's it. Free labor folks and I'm getting shit because I forgot ONE thing? Fuck...I'm still livid about it. I spend literally 12+ hours a day with work and drive time and I'm not productive? Pissed me off.
The rest of the day Eh, I guess I feel a little better now then I did earlier. Eating helped. Joking around with my Love a bit in email helped too. I worry so much that he just doesn't love me anymore and when we fight over stupid stuff like that, it makes it even harder. Sometimes, I just feel so damned alone - but at the same time, that so many people just want to hurt me. And I'm sick of being hurt. Been there, done that. Far too many times.
I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I'm just frustrated with so many things in my life and I really want just a break. A nice, calm break to make things better - or at least stop making things bad.
So, there's the journal entry. Whoo-hoo. I wrote one finally. Yippie for me. Lunch is over though and I need to go and be under-productive now, so I'm closing.
Hey! It worked! (and on the first try too! Wow...there's a first!) Ok, here's the erratic list of the last twenty people who found this journal through a search engine. (these crack me up) Ready?
Could not determine cwdir: No such file or directory. Error 80070057 msxml3.dll paying bills pics cool ss bra pics pics of two people having sex on there office desk personel sex pics personel sex HIGH LIVER ENZIMES pictures of laser sugery "my new job tomorrow" wallpaper calander 2002 vampfangs The Melting Pot Resturant chilli's resturant site my new glasses pics guy wearing my glasses pics guy my personel pics my personel pics webcam cemetary "553 Could not determine cwdir: No such file or directory"
Oookaaay then, right? Sheesh. Glad to see that this place only gets traffic because people stumble here on accident! *lol* I'm going to run, buy some food (no dinner yesterday makes M a hungry girl), bring it back here, and write a real damn entry. That's just all there is to it, I need to write!
Made just a few small changes to the layout - nothing really interesting. The work cam has a link now under pics, the feedback should show up at the foot of every post instead, and I nudged the PayPal logo up just a smidge for those who wish to help the "Get M Back Online Fund."
A payment of $3.00 has been sent to Drink Deeply And Dream. You will receive an email receipt for this transaction shortly. For details on your transaction, please contact Drink Deeply And Dream.
Item Name: I'll start ya off to get net access back home Amount: $3.00 Quantity: 1 Total Amount: $3.00*end Quote*
Whoo-hoo! Ok, zer0 n0de just paid three people's worth. So, all we need is 217 people now. *lol* Chris, you rock!
Is $220 really all that much money? *sighs* to me it is. It's what's keeping me offline.
$220.
That is damn sad.
That's the amount that I owe my cable company before they will let me get service again. Do you realize it's been since APRIL 27th 2001 since I've been online. That's just damned sad.
So, all I need is 220 people to donate a buck to my PayPal account. Send funds to webmaster@drinkdeeplyanddream.com or just click the happy button on the left hand side there, no, scroll down. There it is.
$220. Far too much money for a poor girl like me. But so very little in the grand scheme of things isn't it? *sighs*
Man, what a slacker lately with entries. Just haven't had a lot of time to write one I guess and been feeling like there's not a lot worth writing about. Most times I think no one really reads this anyway, so why bother?
So, just to make an entry (and proof that I'm at least still breathing) here's a quiz.
More later if I remember to leave IE open (this thing just doesn't work right in netscape) and if I have time. Got in late because I had to go to the dealership where my car's been since Thursday, so I don't know that I'll have a lot of lunch (if any) time today.
...um, ok, I'm out of words right now. bye. *snorts*
