[sarcasm] mmm..saturday at my desk. can the joy possibly grow? [/sarcasm]
Then it's off to my Love's parents for his dad's birthday, then running around, then driving to another county to get the mail for my friend in Chicago, then maybe I can start my "restful" weekend. *sighs*
But thanks to Dawna for donating $10 towards the get m back online fund Whoo-hoo! We're up to $25 of the $220 total needed. Rock on. If you have a buck or two, click the PayPal button please. It's been almost a year - I need back online.
Just when I thought my week was over and I could have two wonderful, uninterrupted days off to rest, relax, and get caught up on my life I have to work tomorrow. ARG. Here's why working an unscheduled Saturday sucks. (besides it being Saturday and besides the fact last Saturday was my scheduled Saturday) It means that I don't get overtime pay for working overtime hours.
ARG ARG ARG ARG.
Shit, I'm just sore and miserable and as it is I have to go to my Love's dad's birthday tonight and get to another 20 miles north of the house (and 40 miles north of my work) to get the mail for my friend while they're in Chicago.
*whimper*
Ok, life officially sucks today. Not like finding out very few - if any - people are willing to insure us (because of a lapse in coverage) and those that are want now almost $500 down wasn't enough. Did I mention the deadline for this is the 18th? (my Love's birthday and the last day to get his registration updated - a process requiring proof of insurance?)
Quote of the day: Pardon me while I burst into flames...I've had enough of the world... Out.
1) Hello to Elizabeth B. who leaves me comments and mentioned me in her journal. *waves*
2) Thanks to zer0 n0de for his contribution of $10 towards the Get M Back Online Fund also, thanks to um...this is gonna sound silly...someone else who donated $5 towards the fund but didn't leave their name. (and I'm not sure they wish their private names to be shared) But THANK YOU! I'm now up to $15 and I only need $205 more dollars. *lol* Anyone got a buck? Drop it in my PayPal account and I'll be your friend. :D
I don't really have anything to write about that I feel is worth sharing, but I feel the need to write nonetheless. Having girl problems again - either my body's gotten too used to my Pill, it's not working anymore, or my body really just hates me, but damn if I'm not sick and tired of being in pain from cramps and backpain. Not to mention being sick of it being that time of the month over and over without end. (three times in a row now and I'm WAY over it) My insurance started February 1st which is good, but I hate the GYN so much I don't know if I can make myself go in before my next anual is due (in August). It's just hell for me - one of those phobias that override your better, more rational judgement.
I'm also taking way too many painkillers now I've noticed...I keep a bottle of assorted pain relievers (over the counter shit like Excedrin, Advil, Aleve, etc) that I had to refill last weekend. Today, I'm down to like one thing of excedrin left after having to take more advil today just to try to make it through these cramps. It worries me because when I was in the hospital my liver enzimes were too high. There was no other reason they could find other then a minor overdose so to speak of painkillers. Normally, it's not a problem if you don't drink a lot - which, I don't drink at all - but apparently, I may just be too sensitive to it and/or have to take so many that it's past my body's safety limit. Oh yeah, another thing to worry about. *sighs*
I've not been feeling me lately either. Started a rambling thread about it on a message board, but I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or what. It just feels like something is wrong with the universe and it's causing me to get so outta center. Like, there's some change going on in the core basis of the way the universe is which leads me to be off balance which leads my body to start failing in these weird ways. Yeah, yeah...sounds crazy, but I'm very connected normally to Nature and such and right now, it's like it's so far away... The thing is that my friend is feeling bad/wrong/sick in the same sorts of ways that I am and so I fear there's more to this then what it seems.
Rainy days make me quite and withdrawn and I worry that there's more rainy days to come. For the first time I think I might actually miss the sun.
Anyway, I need to end my lunch now and get back to work.
I'm off to lunch. I think that today for a change, I will leave the building and not come back until my hour is over. Seems like it might be nice to be away for a bit...
Just some random thoughts from a discussion earlier...
logic and science don't preclude the existance of a "6th sense" just fail to understand it yet
...people have this great gift: imagination. it allows us to see beyond, past, and through what is there to what could be. it's just that all too often, that amazing way of being able to create reality with an idea turns into a horror or a reason to harm someone. we're so busy being defensive from the painful imaginations of each other that we don't realize it can work the other way too. More often then not, it's the little things; the one-on-one way we can effect a change in one another this way that has the real potential..
I liked that. So here it is for everyone to share. :)
Okay, let's see...I have a few moments here on my lunch, so now all I need is something to write a real entry about...
I feel a little better today - my stomach isn't trying to claw its way out of my body any longer which is certainly a good thing. It's definately not perfect, but there's finally hope that those accursed antibiotics are coming out of my system. I really need to remember to jot down what the exact Rx was so that I don't ever accidentally end up with it again. Oh no, no, no.
Red is the color of love...or is that a bleeding heart? Don't know what to think with Valentines day (14th) and my Love's birthday (18th) both coming up so soon...one, we simply have no money for me to really get him anything, two, any money we have needs to go towards getting car insuracen before we have to renew his car's registration. Considering everyone we've quoted wants several hundred ($330+) for down payment - wanting at least half the premium, that's just not possible. I just don't exactly know what to do, get, or even expect from this month. Things have been a little more then shaky and at the same time, all I want is something wonderful and beautiful from my Valentines day. Is it wrong to want the man you love to buy you something like jewlery? I think it is, but part of me is that woman who just wants something special to show her how much she is loved. And it makes me feel so selfish; so petty - like jewlery would actually fix anything in my life. Still, the idea of it is so ingrained in me that I fear I will spend another holiday being disappointed over something ultimately trivial.
Show me the money January 26th was my 90 day anniversary. When I got hired, my boss told me that he'd give to me in writing a promise that I'd get a raise in 90 days. He made it sound even that I should preface that with the word "significant." Now, my 90 days has come and gone and I don't really know how to approach him about it. I've never been really good on this sorta thing - I guess things of money make me intimidated like I've done something wrong and that by saying something, I've screwed everything up. Anyway, my boss was kinda mad at me the week of my 90 days because of a mistake I had made (the one I drove home crying about even after I corrected it) and I didn't want to bring it up then. Ya know, never approach your boss for something based on your performance when you left the taste of failure in their mouths. I had meant to say something the next week, but then...I don't know. I just didn't. Now I really keep meaning to say something, but I fear that there's just not the right moment - the ah ha! look how wonderful I am! kinda moment to mention it. I'm worried that the longer I go without mentioning it, the less likely it is someone else will remember (like my boss or the bookkeeper, etc.) and that I'll just end up swept under the cracks. I also worry that I'm shorting myself desperately needed money that I don't know if I'll be backdated for. And then, on top of it all, my insurance started - which is super happy joy joy wonderful, don't get me wrong - but it's taking almost $30 a week out for my half of the premium. All-in-all, money's bad and I don't know what to do from here. I'm scared of pissing him off to be honest - not because he's mean, but rather because I'm really that insecure in general about the way people percieve me in the work enviornment. Guess it's my paranoia creeping in, but after having been sick for so many years and left in a state where people really were plotting to get rid of me because of it, it's hard to stop feeling that way on command. I really like my job and my company and I panic about losing it since it took so long to find somewhere I could really say that.
Just in closing Anyway, I'm babbling again. I need to go help the Bookkeeper now - she asked me if I could come see her when my lunch was over and that really needs to be now. I actually took almost my full hour today to myself and it felt nice. I think perhaps I might try to leave the building and go to the mall one of these days like I used to again. Not 'cause I have money for the mall, but just 'cause it's nice to get out and away for a little while. Be me and not have to think so much. :)
I did say I was closing didn't I? As I still ramble.... *lol* This time for real...over and out.
mmm.....apple nuggets. The single, saving grace of Checkers. They're bad though because you can't eat just one pack. *whimpers* I'm already out. I can eat like 2 dozen of those things in about 2 minutes. Deep fried, apple bits inside, nothing but yum.
How to tell if your cat has a problem: (ask yourself the following questions)
1. does your cat sleep 22 hours a day, and spend the other two hours in non-stop eating? 2. does your cat take frequent naps in annoying places, such as in the center of the dinner table, in the kitchen sink, or on top of your freshly-cleaned-off-hair (and favorite) bedspread? 3. is your cat selfish? conceited? arrogant? aloof? insensitive? 4. does she wake you up in the middle of the night and refuse to stop meowing until you accompany her to her food bowl to watch her eat? 5. does your cat tear down holiday decorations? does she destroy any stuffed toy or cat-sized household ornament which might be misconstrued as her competition? 6. does your cat perceive herself to be sole owner of all property? does she often show disdain for your taste, or act as if you are an embarrassment to her?
if you answered "yes" to most of these questions....congratulations, it's a normal cat.
CHRIS ROCKS!! He fixed my coding error and now it's all pretty and shiney and new and wonderful. Lookie! I have a new - FUNCTIONING - layout! Whoo hoo!!
grr. why is it that it's leaving this biiiig space between tables? It shows fine on everything else I've tested it in. Front Page, Coffee Cup...but just not on the actual live version. grrr...anyone know what's wrong? I have the tables all aligned to the top and no matter what I do, it looks perfect everywhere else.
my stomach is in knots this morning. I so do not want to be here right now. I feel like I need yet another stop into the restroom but that's the last thing in the world I want to do. ugh. It has to be this antibiotic I was put on for the UTI - it's one of those new ones that you only take for five days, but stays in your system for 5 more after that. This whole time, my stomach has just been miserable, but today it officially passed into the realms of hell. There's no way to get it out of my system either - it just will be here until it decides to leave, so I'm stuck for an indefinate persiod of time trying to just deal with it. It's not working. I was an hour late to work because I was just so sick this morning, I couldn't leave the bathroom for over an hour and a half straight. I had to hurry up then and come into work because Michelle has lost her voice, but the small reprieve from the pain has not only ended, but come back with renewed force. All I want is to curl up in a ball and sleep so I won't have to feel it; so I won't have to have my whole stomach clench and boil; so it won't roll and stab me like a hot knife with ever small movement. Going home is so NOT an option though that I don't know what to do - I can't think, I can't work, I can't move, I can't even speak - it all just hurts. Breathing is hell and moving is unimaginably worse.
I made a new layout for the journal last night but I don't know if I'll have time to upload it today. I like it - it's a little more "modern" or something - and I'm eager to show it off. I realized the other day that I am just not content in any way shape or form to leave a design alone for any period of time. I can really relate to my friend orb on the sheer need to change a design, but the utter frustration of having a huge domain. (I'm not even done with the design in place now and I already want to change it. Hundreds of pages and I have an itch. *sighs*) So, despite people complimenting me on this current design - which I DO like, don't get me wrong - I really can't wait to change it. *lol* I'm so fickle about it I guess, always thinking of something different. The only bad thing with the new design is that it's really made for 1024x768. It does show up on 800x600 but it's sorta squished and you loose a little of the smaller effects (like rounded corners, etc.) No biggie, but from a design standpoint, I just hate anything smaller then 1024x768. *shrugs*
Well, work's not getting done and I don't feel any better sitting here typing this then I do doing my work, so here I close. Here's hoping I can make it at least 'til 5pm. Ugh, that's soooo far away...
