Ok, not much to talk about, just overly excited because I got a chance to get some beads today! Weee!! I spent the last couple hours working with them and though I only got one pack (of assorted purples, if you wonder why all the items shown are purples that's why!) and some findings and such I needed, but I already made two necklaces, one pair of earrings and I'm working on a third. Everyone's SUPER impressed with how quickly I'm pulling this together. So am I and I love it!
In other news, (ok, I guess this is big, LOL, just so excited over getting to do something creative that I don't suck ass at) my mom came over today and we got car insurance for the car! Weee! We also got the tag! So it's legal! LEGAL!! This will be the first time in like a year and a half that the car has been fully legal to drive. I'm so excited! No panicking over trying to get to the store, or an interview, or anything! No running off the road to avoid a cop or anything! Yeah!
Uth, but my neck is killing me from leaning over the beads for the last couple hours so I'm going to end this for now and see if my Love will give me a neckrub. *pouts and bats her eyes in preperation* lol G'night all!
Was my mother's birthday yesterday. Originally she wanted to go down to the beach and go to some seafood place, but since I hate seafood and my Love is allergic to shellfish, they decided to go somewhere a little more overall friendly. We went to Outback. (yum!)
my sis, my mom, and me my mom blowing out her candle on her cake
Today I might be getting car insurance - which would mean I could get my registration renewed (it expired on my birthday in May) - because my mom wants to start the policy for me. Right now, since Rand helped me pay off the loan, I don't have to carry full coverage and therefore, without the comp and collision, it's half as much as it would have been with it. So it's kinda do-able. I'll be so relieved to drive a legal car again and not go into utter panick mode evertime a cop car passes me. Ugh!
Beyond that, I've got some work to do in Act (though I've never used it, I'm sure I can figure it out) for Rand's mom. She needs her contacts in the computer and I'm doing it for her. (and, she'll pay me well to do it so that helps!) Anyway, just a check in since I didn't really write anything yesterday. *shrugs* Haven't had a lot to blather about I guess so eh.
Second, I have tons of details to go into about the work thing but the short version is I went in there this morning and told the asshole off and quit. I make no apology for the fact that I am worth more then his bigoted, chauvansitic bullshit and I do not deserve to be treated that way. It is not worth a measly $10/hour to be degraded like he did to me. No way, no how. I'll figure some thing else out even if it's making someone hire me at the mall or whatever. There comes a point where you do what you have to do and you stick up for yourself. Today was my day.
Third, I've seen a bunch of people lately who make digital manipulations of photos and such of the people who's sites they visit and I've never gotten such a thing, so I'm putting a call out for it here. Take any pic of mine you want (and there's dozens) and edit it. Be creative, be different, and send it to me. I'll post them and make a gallery for Fan Art like that. (additionally, if you don't do manipulations, but want to draw something or whatever, that's more then welcome too!) I think it'd be cool to see some creative talent out there! :) you can send all items (please make sure it's not a HUGE file - please compress the file size - to webmaster(at)giveneyestosee.com
note: I still retain all exclusive rights to the photographs and reserve exclusive rights not limited to publishing, display, selling or otherwise use them in any way. No ownership is given to those using my copywrited photography. All submitted images become the sole property of drinkdeeplyanddream.com and it's owners. But submitting an image, the original creator understands and accepts these terms. Additionally, anyone using my images understand that there is no pornography permited and that any images made to be vulgar or pornographic in nature shall be subject to punishment in a court of law up to and including legal suit. please see the extended legal terms of this site. Participation indicates acceptance of all terms and conditions.
Fourth, I've completed the template for the journal for it's move to giveneyestosee.com but I might have to wait a couple days to upload it since my s-l-o-w 26.4 connection would make transfering the several megs of files off DDD a painful and teadious project. I may wait and try to get to Rand's to use his cable modem in the next couple days since what would be ten minutes on his connection could be ten hours on mine. Not including disconnects and such, it's just too much for this connection to handle. (poop!) But, for those who want a sneak peek, you can see what it will look like here
That's it for now. More tomorrow. I just don't feel much like writing at the moment. Just wanted to kinda make some blurbs before I forgot. Oh yeah, tomorrow is my mother's Birthday. I'd wish her a happy birthday but (thankfully!) she doesn't read my journal nor does she ever use her pc (let alone internet connection). But it does mean I need to get her a card and figure out something for a gift and er, we're going to a late lunch tomorrow. *thinks and realizes she doesn't know what to get and panicks* lol Anyway, that's it for now.
I know I haven't written anything in over a day, but there's been all kinds of frustrating shit going on. I've just not wanted to deal with it, let alone talk about it. Here's the short of it from another rant I wrote somewhere else. It's not everything, but it at least touches the surface of why I'm so upset.
August 5th 2002 stupid asshole old men
Today was my first day at a job I didn't want to accept but had to because I'm fucking poorer then shit and don't even get me started on the fact the asshole president today actually said as I walked by, "Hey Tinkerbell, get over here"
TINKER FUCKING BELL?
Then he had the nerve to say after I stare at him and say Tinkerbell?!?, "Yeah, whatever. What's your name again?"
ARG. FUCKING NASTY OLD MEN WHO WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO ADDRESS A LADY TO SAVE HIS LIFE.
And this is just day fucking one. ------------------------------------------------------ August 6th, 2002 the value of self worth
Do u really need to deal w/ that kind of treatment and lies? M, is that or any job worth that? I think u can find something else or just be happier without the harrassing comments. -T
no i don't think it's worth it. and under any other situation, my love would be the first one to beat him up for that.
but........
things are so bad and finances so desperate that right now, my love thinks it IS worth it and me not going is ruining our realationship. He thinks ANYTHING is worth it while I believe there's a line that still needs to be drawn... you can't just expect someone to knowingly demean themselves (and especially not just for money and just for fucking $10 an hour at that).
Today i called in sick. I couldn't go. I really did throw up this morning from the stress of it. I'm not sure if I'm going back tomorrow or not. I don't know.
See if I don't, then I become the bad guy - not the asshole who harrassed me - because I'm the one purposely at this point preventing us from income.
It's a fucking twisted circle. and I want off. -----------------------------------------------------------
There. That's part of it. The rest I don't want to get into right now since it's 1:30am and I most likely will be getting up and heading in there tomorrow. Though I don't want to and I don't feel like I can, I don't know, I sorta need to. I did spend today being productive and got out like 20 resumes and spoke with a woman who wants to set up an interview for next week and Rand's still pushing for me to get into his company, so all is not lost, just maybe this job...which, I don't really think is a bad thing because I don't think it's the right thing for me in the first place. There's SO MUCH MORE I could go into on why it was officially a Day From Hell, but it's not worth it. Suffice to say it was and I hate them and I'm doing everything I can to be somewhere else within the next couple days - even if it's some retail job at the mall. Beats being treated like shit.
Anyway, out for now. If I don't post rabidly the next couple days, just know it's because I'm overwhelmed with all this shit.
One Day I'll Fly Away (Performed by Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge Soundtrack)
I follow the night Can't stand the light When will I begin To live again?
One day I'll fly away Leave all this to yesterday What more could Your love do for me? When will love be Through with me? Why live life from Dream to dream And dread the day When dreaming ends?
One day I'll fly away Leave all this to yesterday Why live life from Dream to dream And dread the day When dreaming ends?
Everyone thinks I'm being crazy or paranoid. Everyone thinks I'm being stupid. But I just have such a wrong feeling about this today. Every single fiber in me says this is wrong, don't do it.... but no one believes me. They think it's just the normal nerves of a new job...I've had those before and this is not it. There's just something about today and going there I shouldn't do. It's like the little voice in my head is screaming at me to see the sense and not go but everyone around me says I'm just being silly.
Something bad. Something wrong. And I feel like I'm dead man walking if I go - but no one's letting me have the choice because there's no "reason" not to go. Except this feeling....I am so scared right now. Not of this job, but like mortally terrified. And no one believes me. I feel like the woman given the ability to know what's going to happen - and cursed to suffer no one believing her.
Ok, nerves are officially shot. Just a quick plug and I'm off to bed - though I know I won't sleep (eep!) - because I have no patience to write about what I did today (though "Signs" was good and creepy and you should go see it. More tomorrow).
:) Had a lot of people ask me about something like this and the couple extra bucks per sale sure couldn't hurt - DDD is expensive to upkeep. So, I picked two photos most widely liked and am making them available for a limited time exclusively here. Enjoy.
Anyway, I'm fucking trembling from my nerves and my fear and all the crap I have to deal with tomorrow (can you say I already feel a migraine coming on? *whimpers*) so I'm going to close. Good night and look for a report tomorrow evening.
Alright, I've stalled enough. Lemme give ya the rundown of Friday...
To start though, I need to give you the background. Thursday, July 25th, I had an interview at a company. For reference sake, let's call it Company X. So, I'm at Co. X and they keep me there for like 2 hours and I meet with the guy I'd be working directly for as well as the President and another manager guy. They seem to really like me but they kept playing it really cool...all, "well, we're going away for a week so don't expect to hear anything from us, blah blah..." I'm like, alright, whatever. So I get home and I get a call from them (so much for them taking their time!) asking me to send them my references and educational summary via email. I do, and then I wait.
I get a call from them to meet them a second time on this past Thursday, August 1st. So I go in on Friday (2nd) at 2pm. There I proceed to meet with two other people and the one guy again over an hour. They tell me they'll get back with me and such and go from there. Well, I leave there and head over to my friend Rand's work because he was going to lend me the remainder of the money to pay off my car payment since the bank was so demanding of the exact date and amount I had to pay each month (even one day past due date and they were going to take it) which was really fucking hard to do and some months impossible since they were expecting me to pay over $320 a month to catch up on past due amounts and fees and such. In short, I wasn't able to pay it each month and it was a HUGE source of stress to worry about them taking it. (not to mention the fact they've been reporting me delinquent on the loan every single month for a year now) But if I paid Rand off instead of the bank, I'd save $1500 in fees and interest as well as not have to worry about the specific date for payments.
So, I go from my interview to his work. From there I go to the bank to pay off the car. ($1700 was left on it). By the time I get home it's almost 5pm. I check my phone and sure enough, there's a voicemail from the guy at Company X. He asks me to call him back on his cell which I do. Here's the point where I stop being so joyful...when we first met, he asked my salary requirements. I told him. He said that was fine and within their budget. But when I spoke with him, he offered me an insulting hourly salary that's literally thousands of dollars a year less then I've made in like five years. They offered me like $3.00 a hour less then even my last job. Then, they also said it would be at least 120 days until I could qualify for insurance - not the 30 he had previously mentioned. Additionally, the job is to have flexible hours - meaning I'll never know what time I'm leaving for the day and I can expect to have somewhere between 30-40 hours a week, on average. ARG. So it goes from something where they make me jump through hoops, proving my massive skills - they are requiring EXTREMELY high levels of knowledge and are expecting me to actually teach advanced Excel to the Sr. Project Manager - checking out all of my references, making me meet with them for a total of almost four hours, telling me they accept my salary requirements and such and then turn around and make a paltry offer. I accepted it because I can't afford not to but I'm not happy about it. Tomorrow at 8am I go in (with no idea what time I'll get getting off since I'm "technically" a P/T employee) and now I'm miserable about it. It's one of those times where you almost wish they didn't offer because now I feel all the worse for having had to accept it.
The company itself started out very cool seeming too...a "hey, we're a friendly, all know each other kinda, it's all good" environment to a "well you have to be prepared to be reamed out by the president and he will come and yell at you 30 minutes after giving you a project to do demanding to know why it's not done yet" sorta environment. (The latter being ACTUAL THINGS that people said to me during my second meeting - including the president himself. He admited that he will yell at me and ream me out but not to take it personal). Of fuck, what am I getting myself into? This is not what I was expecting after this much aggravation and painful job hunting.
Rand's company is still looking for someone to do Marketing, Graphic Arts/Design work, and Web work and I gave him a copy of my reusme on Friday (though the lady was out of the office that day). I'm really gunning for getting that. He's putting in a good word for me and its something a hell of a lot more up my alley - I mean, graphics and web? Where the hell do I sign up? So, keep your finger crossed for me, 'cause it's not over yet.
Anyway, gotta run. We're going to see "Signs" today and I'm holding us up 'cause I was in the middle of writing this when it was time we were supposed to go. (oops, my bad). Thanks for the comments on the red hair. It's not bad, I kinda like it. :)
More if I get a chance tonight, or, if not, then late tomorrow afternoon after I get home from my first day. Eep.
