Had nothing to write about yesterday. Didn't have anything want to write either. Don't really have anything to babble about here now but I feel bad when I don't post because it's kinda like a deal with myself to write at least like once a day if possible. *shrugs* Keeps me honest about it and keeps me in the habit of doing it so I don't stop. I write this for me, so later on I have my life captured in snapshots of time; preserved exactly as it was at the moment. So if I don't write for a couple days, it's like lost time and lost life.
Anyway, going to see a movie today - the XXX one. Eh, not overly excited about it (looks rather dumb to be honest), but my Love and my friend Rand want to see it, so *shrugs* we're gonna see it. I just wanted to pop off an entry before I have to log off so *pop* here's the entry. (ha)
Kinda out of it and mostly just...sad today. No real reason. It's making me quite. Like I don't want to speak or draw attention to myself or anything. *shrugs* Whatever, I gotta go for now.
Some thoughts this evening that fluttered through my head and I opened discussion on as a topic on my forum, but words I liked and wanted to share as an open form writing here...
What happens to old gods when all who believed in them are gone? Do old gods die?
I've often written over the years in my belief that a god is only a god because he/she/it has followers. Or, more appropriately, a god is only a god because there is a need for a god.
But what happens when another god's people come and wipe out the rival followers? What happens when there is no one left to sing the songs; give offering; make prayer; worship? What becomes of the god who's name has been lost? Who's ways have been forgotten? Who's will has been diminished?
What is a god without a people?
I see existance as an extention of one, core creator. The Divine. Of Her (as I refer from my own perspective) there are then thousands of emissaries - angels, gods, prophets, etc. - who are born of a need of the people. Each culture gave birth to their own specific being; their own diety - Ra, Zeus, White Calf Buffalo, Bridget, etc. - but what happens when thost cultures and those people are no more?
When a god has not even a name any longer because the words have fallen to ash, what is left? Does that being enter into the world again - born anew in a new form? As a new god? As something else? Do gods "fall" ? Do they become as their followers once were - mortal? Human? Do gods walk on mortal feet, treading millenia after the last spark of their power faded away into death and oblivion?
Who mourns the death of a god?
And if that god on mortal feet inspires back a return to old ways, ways of their origins; encourages people to remember and seek the dreams that gave birth to the god to begin with, is the god reborn? Or does another take it's place, the original lost forever in a sea of nothing?
Thoughts I had this evening. Not new ones, these things I've wondered years now, remembering times so long ago there are no names left. Remembering places which humanity has long since lost. Wondering the path that old gods walk and where it might lead next.
The other night, my Love and I were watching Americal Idol (yes, we've gotten interested in it, I know, that's so wrong, but it's addictive! It is!) and anyway, the other night was "love song" night and they all had to sing love songs. So one of them sings "Arthur's Theme" and my Love's like "Oh, I love that song" so I thought I'd post the lyrics.
Once in your life you find her Someone that turns your heart around And next thing you know you're closing down the town Wake up and it's still with you Even though you left her way across town Wondering to yourself, "Hey, what've I found?"
When you get caught between the Moon and New York City I know it's crazy, but it's true If you get caught between the Moon and New York City The best that you can do... The best that you can do is fall in love
Arthur he does as he pleases All of his life, he's mastered choice Deep in his heart, he's just, he's just a boy Living his life one day at a time And showing himself a really good time Laughing about the way they want him to be
When you get caught between the Moon and New York City I know it's crazy, but it's true If you get caught between the Moon and New York City The best that you can do... The best that you can do is fall in love
When you get caught between the Moon and New York City I know it's crazy, but it's true If you get caught between the Moon and New York City The best that you can do... The best that you can do is fall in love
Ok, so it's a little sappy and cheesy and some people out there reading this might be too young to remember it being on the radio, but I kinda like it too and had it in my head and put it up for him. :) Off now. Ta.
So I went to sleep last night late (couldn't sleep, head hurt) with a cold compress for my neck. Must have been about 3:30am when I finally was able to sleep. I had all these weird ass dreams. In one of them, two of my upper right-hand side molar teeth broke. (well, one of them crumbled in my mouth and the one next to it fell out and was dangling by a thread. It was bleeding everywhere and I was trying to get to the ER.) Think I might be a bit worried about the split tooth I have? I know teeth are commonly thought of in dreams as relating to apperance, but I'm not having apperance issues while I AM having worries over the health of my tooth. I woke up at 1pm very suddenly, right out of another dream where I was chasing some sorta creature that looked like a squirrle but wasn't 'cause it was like yellow with spots or something. I think it was an alien. I don't know. The point is, I slept like 9 1/2 hours and woke up so horribly groggy I couldn't walk. I literally stumbled to the couch and fell down onto it. My body was trying to drag me back into sleep though it was the last thing I wanted and I had to literally fight to stay awake. It was so weird. Everytime I wake up lately, it's like a real fight to actually remain awake. My body keeps sucking me back down into a dark pit of sleep whether I want to go or not. Normally, I'd wake up and maybe I'd decide I wanted to lay around another thirty minutes or so, but this is like I don't have a choice. I'm only barely awake and I can't hold on to it.
What sucks is that all day I've been groggy and my head's been all fuzzy. Sitting on the couch this evening, I felt like I was losing the fight with sleep again...like I was drifting off. This sucks. It's making my head feel all wrong and I think adding to my headaches. Not to mention, all that sleeping made me sleep weird and my neck's really killing me which also leads to migraines. It's all just....weird.
I guess I just don't feel like myself the last week or so that this sleep problem's been going on. It seems to be getting more and more pronounced too. Like even when I'm awake, my body wants me to go to sleep. Like right now I could lay down and I'd sleep. But I don't want to sleep and I slept too many hours last night as it is. I just don't know what to make of any of this.
fucking head. it's hurting. migraine again. these things started like 10 years ago when I was 15 and have gotten progressively worse each year. sometimes they last days now...DAYS. they are debilitating. they make it hurt to see. they make me sick to my stomach. they make me want to die.
and i do everything to avoid them. no msg. no nutrasweet, change my bc pill, very little caffine, no processed meats, avoidance of flourecent lights, care in sunlight....tons of tons of things and they still come.
when they occur they drain so much of me all i can do is wallow in pain. nothing helps. no prescriptions i've gotten and the over the counter things stopped working about a year ago (after getting to a point where I'd have to take like 8 excedrin just to take the edge off).
it hurts to see. like literally see. it hurts to think. it just hurts. and nothing makes it better. i can't take these damned things. they hurt so bad.
Okay, I worked on some more bead things last night and wanted to show off what I did. Weee! This is so much fun. (for anyone seriously interested in having me make a necklace for you, email me at webmaster(AT)giveneyestosee.com and let me know what you're looking for like colors or length, etc.)
This is so much fun. I really really enjoy doing it. I got a bunch of beads the other day - like 6 of this and 8 of that sorta thing - and now I want to get more since I'm making such pretty things from them. (too pretty 'cause I don't want to give them up! LOL)
Ok, so I had to get a new blowdryer the other day. Mine decided to set fire to itself and that's a clear sign not to continue using it. There are other things I thought that were obvious about blowdryer usage, but apparently not. Therefore, I hereby dedicate this entry as my "Moron Warnings For Blowdryer Use"
Yes, folks, one must never use their blowdryer while actually bathing. (who would have thought?)
And, no matter how tempting it may be, and just how much sense it would make to do so, please refrain from using your blowdryer while sleeping.
This has been a public service announcement for morons. Had this been a real emergenecy, the moron would already have killed themselves in some Darwin Award-worthy way. I repeat, this has just been a test.
Ok, this has to be the funniest description I've ever seen for an otherwise normal ebay auction for beads. MR. KITTY'S BIG BEAD BONANZA - BEADS LOT It's just hysterical.
Been making some more stuff the last couple days with my new beads. Coming out really nice. I'll take some pics tomorrow in the day light. Went and say Goldmember with Joolo today (my 2nd time, his first) and it was still funny.
Spent over an hour downloading a damned list program for ebay because my love has a bunch of L5R (Legend of the Five Rings) cards he wants to sell off and my fucking dialup sucks so much ass it took me doing literally nothing else (no surfing in the background or anything) to keep it from sputtering out too badly (though it went from a 12 minute estimated download to a 20, then 30, then 40, then took over an hour) Gods I hate this. I can't ever get anything done, it's so frustrating.
Anyway, I've burned over an hour of online time and gotten nothing done since I couldn't load any other pages at the same time (not even blogger) and it's now like 1:15am and I wanted to go to sleep like over an hour ago so I'm off to go get ready and call it a night.
ps: whomever looked for this on the net? You're a dork: Yahoo: free first fuck sex pics with fruit I mean, fruit?! Is that the best you could think of? Sheesh.
Friday - mom got me insurance for my car. so I got my registration renewed. car is legal. (whoo hoo). Made my first attempts at necklaces. came out pretty good. (click to see)
Saturday - could not wake up for anything...slept like 13 hours - and I didn't want to. my body just dragged me down into sleep and wouldn't let go. went with my Love and Rand to Best Buy for "coupon weekend" (where rand gets discounts on dvds and we spend the next hour or two narrowing down which three he's going to use the coupon on). was supposed to hit this Irish pub but none of us really felt like going and ended up driving out to Ybor instead and hung out at Gameworks. (me, my Love, Rand and Kali) got home late. won a shit load of tickets and got a monkey.
Sunday - watched one of the dvd's rand bought - David Blane, Fearless. This dude is so cool. I think he does the slight of hand and other obvious tricks to cover up for the honest to goodness real magick he does. I think his trick is that there's isn't one. Man's awesome. but I didn't feel all that well this afternoon - really tired and worn down. I'm worried I might be getting anemic again. I never quite feel like I'm 'caught up' on breath - like I'm always just slightly short of breath. And, I've been feeling so very tired so very quickly - not to mention sleeping insane number of hours because my body refuses to function. it sucks.
got couple more things of beads and what I hope is better wire (the stuff I got was all wrong but I didn't realize that til I tore the package open. There's no description on the package so it was like a guess that went bad. Blah) and some other colored beads (this time an assortment of tans/golds/ambers) so I'm going to try to do a few more and see how it goes. so far I guess everyone likes them and that makes me feel good. :)
Tomorrow at 8am, I have my unemployment telephone hearing - I'm still fighting from April 28th's file date of my claim to get anything. So far I've gotten nothing. Not one penny. I'm not looking forward to fighting it out with my old fucking asshole boss (yeah you you piece of shit, I only hope you're reading this you liar) but I'm not going to let it drop either. Then, I was supposed to have my annual exam at the health department (free since I don't have a job nor medical insurance and I have to stay on the Pill because of my anemia - it's "medically neccessary") NEXT monday but apparently, it's been pushed to tomorrow. Thing that sucks is I'm on my period and I don't have enough pills to hold off until their next opening in Septemeber so I'm gonna still go and see what happens. I hate them so much - they utterly terrify me - but I have to do it.
Ugh. well considering i can't see straight enough to read what I'm writing - it's all funky after images and stuff (i'm really not feeling well at all) I'm going to publish this and log off. wish me luck tomorrow.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CHRIS!! *sings* ....happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you happy birthday dear christopher, happy birthday to you!
Here's to you, my wonderfully disturbed (and wouldn't have ya any other way), script monkey, philosophical discussions of the boundries of life, death, reality and creation at 2am, best damn time hanging out for six hours just talking and laughing and joking, survived my driving in illegal, uninsured car over many miles distance, crashing on my couch, Goth Hello Kitty shirt buying, weeeeeeeeeeee sayer and answerer (G&S *wink*), co-partner in Densa, liberated hater of corporate america pub lover, my friend and cohert in crime (ok, not really, but we can pretend right?) Happy birthday with warmest wishes for all the best this year and each to follow. May the road rise to meet your feet; may the wind be always at your back; and may the path be lined with Irish pubs that sell Guinness on tap.
