My Love, my friends Rand and Jef and I all went to see Star Trek: Nemesis tonight. I enjoyed it. I realized just how much I love (and miss) the Next Gen crew though. Throughout the movie, they are just playing with each other, goofing and joking and really comfortable with each other in a way that's so real and so...human. The other casts/crews had their moments, but the Next Gen group just really meshed and you can tell even on-screen that they're all friends in real life. Poor Troi though - she's 2 for 2. Put her at the helm two times now and BOTH times she manages to crash the Enterprise into something. (though this time, at least it was intentional!) *laughs*
I have some funny pics I took at K-mart waiting to get in line to wait for the movie *I think that made sense gramatically* but I'm feeling lazy, so you get those tomorrow. :) ttfn.
now you're stepping back towards me 'til the room is bathing in light and the answer there before me there's no ending when we die
are you sleeping here beside me? are you shinning bright as the sky? are you breathing now inside me? there's no ending when we die..... (Toad the Wet Sprocket, Dulcinea)
...it's a cold, rainy day outside, sun setting soon unknown to those already in the mock-nighttime of the storm as they prepare to gather in rememberance...not much is said; a hush permiates the air as a solemn mood hangs heavy on the family. no more laughter for now, no room for it today. quiet sorrow rushes to fill the void as all think back in their own way on life and life's end.
Well it stopped raining finally and I think there's actually sky out there right now. (Who would have thought?) It's so unlike Florida to (a)get rain that lasts for more then 10-15 minutes (no, really) and (b)get rain like that in December. We have a 'rainy season' where it rains on-and-off for 15 or so minutes each and every afternoon, but this is not it. We're normally dry this time of year. It's very rare to have it rain non-stop for days at a time here. VERY rare. So rare, it reminded me of living in PA.
We did the tree last night. Looks lovely. Took some pics but I need to upload them off my camera. I ended up going to bed pretty early last night though because I had a killer headache that was swiftly turning into a migraine. Slept almost nine hours though until Kush woke me up with a "feed me!" Mrrrow. It's a good thing he did. I don't know how long I would have slept had he not gotten me up. Actually, I'm looking at him curled up - absolutely adorable - behind me on the bed and I keep thinking how nice a cat-nap would be. There's no reason for one, I just sorta feel sleepy and the warmth of the bed is calling to me. I'm trying to decide if I have the energy to go take a shower instead. Right now, my body's saying, no....just a little nap..... and I think it's winning out, so I'm trying to distract it by writing an entry. :)
Tomorrow night is the funeral. It's just so weird. I'm so ready for the year to end; start clean and new again. It really feels like we need it; like we need the change to come and make things better again.
Hrm. Well anyway, I don't have much else to ramble about, so here I close. Maybe a little nap wouldn't be so bad....
It's been pouring non-stop here since about midnight Sunday night (which, ironically enough, is about the exact time she passed). We went and saw my Love's brother this evening; the drive over there was kindy scary because it was so nasty outside and we have to cross a bridge to get to his place. I feel so bad for him and all of the family. Just more hurt and suffering. What a year for us all. My family and his. Losses...all around. I just keep thinking how it was only a few short months ago we were all gathered for his grandfather's funeral. I keep thinking of her being there; hiding the beginning stages of the cancer that claimed her in the end. It was only like five months ago. It just keeps playing in my head. And now this week, we'll be gathering for her funeral. It just seems so wrong some how; so broken.
My Love went to bed a couple hours ago and I was tired then and I'm even more tired now. But for some reason, I'm sitting on his pc, typing this out because I just can't bring myself to go to sleep. I don't know why either. He's there; warm, strong, to snuggle up to, be loved and held into sleep and I just find myself sitting mindlessly and staring off into space, feeling more and more worn out from not sleeping. At the same time, I crave his comfort, but it's like I'm not letting myself have it.
I haven't gotten enough sleep in several days now. It takes a solid eight hours for me to feel decent, and I've been getting five or six instead. Each night, I've been up later and later; some days meeting the sun before I finally force myself into my bed to collapse into slumber. My stomach's been a mess the last few days as well. Since Saturday night, it's just a mess of churning pain. It's always been annoyingly sensitive. Sometimes, for no reason, it just acts up and for days I'm stuck suffering the misery of it, having nothing to do but bide my time until it gets better.
...on and on, does anybody know what we are living for...?
I keep hearing this in my head. Not the Queen version actually, but the one from Moulin Rouge. Where she finds out she's dying and has to get her moment in the spotlight before it's all over. It's so raw...
...but my smile still stays on....
Anyway, I'm sorta out of it. I was trying to work on a christmas present but I'm finding myself just staring at the beads and instead of seeing a necklace out of them, I just see random beads. I think I'll try again tomorrow. I need to figure it out and send it off though so it makes it there in time... just with everything, I've not done it yet. Heck, we got our tree on Sunday - it's lovely - but not had a chance to decorate it yet. It's just sitting there in the living room looking back at us. Perhaps tomorrow we can spend some time in good cheer and live a little for ourselves. We need some of that right now. With all the bad things and the hurt, we need to remember some fo the good things and enjoy a moment or two.
...the show must go on...
That's about it I guess. I'm going to clean up the beads and make myself go to bed. It's already 4:30am.
Empty spaces - what are we living for Abandoned places - I guess we know the score On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for... Another hero, another mindless crime Behind the curtain, in the pantomime Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore The show must go on The show must go on Inside my heart is breaking My make-up may be flaking But my smile still stays on
Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance Another heartache, another failed romance On and on, does anybody know what we are living for ? (-Queen, The Show Must Go On)
What a hard year. My Love's brother lost his wife tonight. She had been battling cancer. That is the third death in our families in the past six months or so. Such a hard year for everyone, some days I don't even know what to think about it.
