taken from a post with a friend on a message board about how he's felt things are just off and changed with him. I related and replied and wanted to share
I can understand this. There are many times where I just disconnect from everything - and not just from online things. Yesterday I was literally just out of sync and out of place with the entire world around me. I was quiet and just sat there while everyone around asked what was wrong. Nothing was, just that I wasn't really there . It's like something that slips up on me when I'm not paying attention; this unnatural stillness inside. It's like I stop being and just start existing on only the most shallow and basic of levels. I don't even know if I'm making any sense, but it's like something that comes over me - the word shroud keeps coming to mind, but it's more and it's within and it just slows everything down so I don't really think or see or feel so much as just sit there.
I hope you find your own way back into the things you want and enjoy and perhaps even add to it with new and different things as well. Perhaps you need a temporary change of scenery or a shift in approach and routine in your daily life to jar you out of your funk.
his::
It's like I was walking (figuratively) somewhere, and suddenly I realized that I didn't know where I was, where or why I was walking, or where the things I thought I was carrying were... Kinda like suddenly looking in your pocket and finding not the wallet you thought was there, but a smoothly polished rock...
drifter, coming in
never touching down -- never leaving ground
a twilight world in which we roam
still we don't belong -- drift on - siouxsie and the banshees
I'm just at a complete loss just now to really explain things at all...
..or I blink and suddenly things have shifted - maybe time has past and I didn't know, or the colors just seem off somehow - and I don't remember them chaning and I don't know why they have and I feel I should be concerned about it, but I'm not because I'm numb or dead inside somwhere and something's just off...
I come and go in this in phases and stages, but lately, I don't feel it coming and it sorta seeps over me like the inevitable tide rolling in under the cover of the dark hours of the night.
It's effecting everything too - the once near constant things I'd see or hear are seemingly gone, though now I'm startled all the time and odd moments by things which are like the spirits of old I've grown used to, but not. It's suddenly just wrong and weird and uncomfortable somehow. I feel like I'm not myself anymore and that the things I speak of are someone else's thoughts and memories.
Is this a plauge of the soul? Or some dark misma overshadowing the world? Do other people feel this way or is this (seemingly pathetic) attempt to force myself into speaking about it, just something in my mind, leaving me in some debilitating, perpetual catatonia that I dismiss as a mood swing...?
I don't know. But I hope we're here as well. Both now and later when - if? - this quicksand of the soul leaves.
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 2/26/2003 01:11:59 AM ~
~
