I washed some clothes tonight and I just now took them out of the dryer. I'm folding them up and putting them in piles for where they need to be put away. As I hold an assorted pile of shirts and shorts to go in the armoire, I get down to the last shirt and I look at it a moment and realize it's the simple grey teeshirt I wore on Tuesday when I took Kush to the vet. I hadn't realized I had washed it and now I'm standing there, holding it, and I start to cry as I think I washed away the fur from holding him that day and I didn't even realize it. And even that stupid thing was enough to make me start to cry.
It just keeps hitting me...I'll be going about my day - mostly in a fog - and suddenly, something just triggers the reminder that he's gone. I look for him out of habit, or I go to do something that I used to do and he's not there. It feels like someone punches me as hard as they can in the stomach and I just start sobbing at that moment. It hits me all over again that he's gone; forever, and that he's never coming back. Fuck I hate that thought and I miss him so damned much. It just hurts so badly.
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 4/25/2003 03:31:02 AM ~
~
