wha wha wha wha wha whaaa...
Seems that I lately I've been simply terrible about updating this thing with any regularity, but I'm either doing way too much or way too little to write something. And then, the times that I have way too much going on, seem far too much to bother typing up whereas the times when I have way too little going on, there's no point in saying,I have nothing to say. *shrugs*
Last couple days I just didn't feel good. Both my stomach and my head were hating me. My stomach seems a bit better today - finally! - though my neck is all out of whack still. Not sure if it's because I wasn't feeling well and it got tense from that, or if I slept wrong the other night and being ill hasn't helped it or if it's just the fact my neck is permantly screwed up and hurts every single day of my life in varrying degrees and the last couple days are just bad days, I'm not sure. All I know is that it's really driving me crazy and it's times like this I get so frustrated at it.
The week before we went to Disney, I put in an application for part time help at one of the bookstores in the mall. They never called me back. *bah* There's another book store a couple miles down the road and I think I'll try to go that way sometime this week to pick up an application. I really do want to find a part time job. Something just to bring in a couple extra bucks and to get me out of the house a little bit, but not so much that I'm going to shell-shock myself with too much at once. I know me. And I know how hard it's going to be to get back out with people, in a working environment and back on a schedule. It may be really hard to understand, but it's almost terrifying to me sometimes. I worry about how my depression will cause me to react and so I know that I need to do this kind of thing slowly - otherwise, I'll make myself fail and that will just be hell on my mood and self-esteem. So...planning on finding something easy and part-time and that I can do in my days. The car situation will still be hard - having only the one that works - but I think that the only way to try to improve the situation is for me to get us a few extra dollars each month. This way, we can put some money aside and really not have to get so stressed over counting pennies every other week. It'd be nice to do more things like our Disney two-day "vacation" and with a hell of a lot more regularity and not having to suffer because of it. I also know that I really need to get out of the house and that being here, trapped like this for so many hours alone isn't healthy for me. I'm not only not helping my depression, but I'm becoming alienated from people in general and that's just not a good thing. I was really upset that the bookstore didn't even call me for an interview. I would have been a great fit there. I'm trying to stick to some of the bookstores at the moment because it's more the environment I want to work in. I don't want anything that's real crazy (something like the Disney Store which I assume wuld be a lot like working at a toy store - seems fun on the outside, but is hellish, hectic and full of screaming kids) and since I really love books and reading I think it's more up my alley.
We're apparently having some friends over tomorrow to play more Soul Caliber II which should be cool, though I get so frustrated when I don't know what I'm doing in the game and I just get my ass kicked. It makes me feel so pathetic and it's stupid how deeply it bothers me, but at the same time, it just does and I can't shrug it off. Anyway, I need to go clean up the living room a bit since it's a mess (I've been working on some long-overdue outsendings for pX. I just hadn't sent anything in almost a month and I had to kick myself in the butt to get going again). Guess that's all for now.
fucking blogger. it's now 4:42pm and I've yet to been able to get it to post.
~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream
at 9/2/2003 03:36:36 PM ~
~
