Didn't sleep all that well last night. My head's been twinging slightly all day - though luckily, so far, I've avoided an actual headache let alone another migraine. Just that uncomfortable rumblings that can turn out to be nothing, or signal another attack. Last night I had so much trouble falling asleep and then woke up many times because of small noises. Sometimes when I have a migraine (such as last night), I lose control of my brain. What I mean is I feel like suddenly I'm stuck in a small box where there's hundreds of things going on - pictures, memories, voices, snippits of song, colors so bright they hurt, etc. - and I can't ignore them and I can't make them go away. It's like being surrounded by hundreds of tv's, each one on a different channel and I can't make them stop or go away. I laid there in agony like that for almost an hour before I was able to visualize sweeping at least some of it away, enough to let my exhaustion carry me the rest of the way into the welcome blackness of unconsciousness. But, my every hyper tabby cat, Mika, took that moment to jump up on me and purr/mrrow at me only to wake me back up. She had been sleeping on the bed because she always sleeps there in the evenings and going to lay down at about midnight was earlier then normal for anyone to go to bed. I tossed her off me and tried to allow myself to slip back into sleep. I didn't want to get stressed by being woken up and risk the onslaught of images again. It only sort of worked. I kept most - though not all - of it out of my head but I just couldn't find the edge that would let me cross back over into sleep. My Love came to bed shortly after and he said soothing words and held my hand to try to help me fall back asleep. Finally I did, though I woke up again at some point in the night. Then he got up for work but I was able to quickly fall back asleep from that. Then the lawn people came in the morning and the inconsistant sound of the edgers and blowers turning on then turning off, then reving up, then slowing down was nails-on-a-chalkboard for me. Finally they left and once again I was able to doze off. The next thing to wake me was the sound of someone pounding on something. thwap! thwap! thwap! It too stopped and I dozed fitfully for a little while, finally giving up and getting out of bed.

My head did feel mostly better after waking, but I was still so tired. I fed the kitty and watched some tv. It felt like my head was just getting worse. I decided to lay down and try to take a small nap in the hopes of clearing my head and keeping another migraine from taking hold. I woke up startled by something, but I don't know what. It was about an hour later and I was feeling really uncomfortable and overheated so I decided to take a shower.

Since then I've felt mostly alright, but still just not great. I think having the migraine yesterday, not really eating anything yesterday, the broken sleep and the stress over worrying about getting another one today has just all combined to make this a rather blah day. On the good side of things, there's new West Wing to watch (I so hope that it gets better. Last week's episode was such a disappointment. Oh Aaron, why did you leave the show?), a new Angel I'll be recording to watch later (since they come on at the same time and since Spike is now on Angel), and the start of the NHL season tonight with a Boston Bruin's game. The cable company's doing a free-preview week so we'll get to see it (ESPN has one of three games on and we're not sure which we'll see in this market). What sucks though is that the cable box can only record two things at once - and you have to watch one of the two things. The Boston game is on at 8pm. Which means at 9pm, there will be THREE things we want to see. Ugh. Most nights there's nothing on that I want to see and tonight there's THREE. Bah. Hopefully ESPN will show the Boston game in our market so my Love can watch on the tv in the bedroom which doesn't have a cable box (and therefore doesn't get the preview channel) that for the hour West Wing/Angel is on and he can watch those after via the recording.

Anyway, that was the fun of my night. I hate migraines. And I hate the fact that even when I don't do anything - I know my triggers and I gave up all kinds of food items to keep from getting them - I still get them. It's like just knowing that sometimes, no matter what you do, you're going to be crippled with pain out of nowhere and with no way to make it stop. I also hate the fact that the rescue medication for stopping a migraine attack costs like $200 for nine pills (and some require that you take 2-3 pills for one attack), which is WAY more then I can afford without insurance. Hell, even WITH insurance, the Imitrex I tried (which didn't work, but there are many more types of triptans out there that might) was $40 for nine pills. Ugh. It's like my body just up and betrays me and there's nothing I can do about it. I hate that people don't get the seriousness of it and I hate that so many people think it's "just a bad headache." I also hate how many people call their bad headaches "migraines" when they're not. I have a medical condition, not bad headaches so do us all a favor and stop belittling the condition by jumping on the bandwagon. Ten years now I've been getting them and there's fuck-all I can do about it.

/rant

This time for real, I think I'm just going to end the entry. I'm grumpy still from not sleeping well and from the after-stress of the migraine, so I'll just close here.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 10/8/2003 06:51:45 PM ~ ~