Tomorrow will be a hard day for me. Perhaps in ways which some people can't understand. March 16th was Kush-ka's birthday. He would have been 14 this year. For those who don't know, an equally hard day will occur next month as well - April 22nd, the day I had to put him to sleep. For over two years we battled cancer. He underwent two surgeries - both a success - that ultimately failed to save him. The cancer proved too strong and it came back over and over. After consulting with my vet, we decided against a third surgery since he probably would not have been able to take another at his age. The vet gave him a matter of a few weeks to perhaps a couple months. He hung on for about eight months before I finally did the humane thing and put him to sleep. By the end, he was skin, bones and tumor. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

Some people don't understand how much I love and miss him. They think a cat is just a cat. These people don't understand that your family is more then your bloodline and not limited to those creatures that walk on two feet. I grew up with Kush, my ever-present grey shadow, having in my life from age 13 through age 26. He was there for me in ways no one else ever was. And he gave of himself so deeply; demonstrating that all animals have a gift to teach us - the gift of unconditional love.

So, I've been meloncholy for several reasons, blue in general lately and having a hard time with my depression. Things have gotten dark again recently and I'm struggling more and more to get through my days. Needless to say, a sad day like this isn't making it any easier. If I'm slow to respond; if I'm not paying attention; if I walk away or drift off when I'm speaking to you or fail to get to an email or a message posted, that's some of the reason why. I just ask that you not take it personal.

Everyone take the time to remind your loved ones - all of them four legged or two - how you feel. You can never say it enough and those moments will never come again. Cherish them and cherish your time together. Don't ever let those moments slip by and don't take their presence for granted.

~ flowers bloom near Memory and Dream at 3/15/2004 11:06:13 PM ~ ~