Went to the beach for the Equinox. Was nice as always, though I really feel like something's missing in my life. Something's lacking. In a spiritual/magickal/soul sense. Yeah there's a lot material that's lacking - a non-moldy apartment for one thing (more on that later) which really is depressing to the soul and makes life sometimes one, large, heavy, painfully over-balanced load - but there's also something more then that. I've lost touch with some inner part of myself. Some peice that's more then the reflection in the mirror. Don't confuse this for a lack of faith. It's not that I'm unhappy in my spiritual path, just that I feel like I forgot to keep walking some time back and I've been just sitting here on the side of the trail, waiting for something to come to me. Dunno, just...missing something somewhere. Maybe I forgot that at one point I was actually walking along the path until now and I just need to start up again. Not sure. Just know that there's an emptiness inside me that I need to address. Because I don't think it's been helping me; in fact I think it's been causing these downward shifts of health lately.
Made a chicken tonight. A whole one. Never done that before. The other day, Love picked up one by mistake. (Yeah I know, it seems like a sitcom plot, but I'm serious. I meant get a breast on the bone and he somehow took it as a whole chicken.) So we didn't know what to do with it. I was going to cook it last night for the Equinox, but we lacked some materials, so we planned and cooked it tonight. Three hours later and nine o'clock at night, it actually turned out pretty darned good. The meat pretty much fell of the bones. And it had a ton of white meat on it. Far more then we get when we pick up a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken from the supermarket. We were pretty proud.
Head's been feeling better the last couple days. Though my neck continues to ache in that really deep, down-to-the-bone kind of way today and so I fear that my reprieve may be short lived. (For those who don't know, my neck is permantely damaged. It happened when I was a newborn and it basically grew wrong. We didn't know about it until it was far too late and it hurts me literally every single day of my life. I've tried chiropractors with no luck - it doesn't adjust normally - and the only thing that helps is massage therapy but needless to say I can't even come close to affording that. When it gets bad, it also triggers migraines for me. So it's a lose-lose situation.) Having your head hurt for so long doesn't help either in that you start getting paranoid about it coming back. And I think it's easy to worry yourself back into one. Anyone who's had migraines for any length of time can understand the fear of the unknown - is it really over or is it coming back...?
When I was at the beach last night, as we were leaving, my Love spotted something and pointed it out to me. Turns out I wasn't the only one who thought to make a trip for the Equinox. There was a lovely altar, facing the water, carefully made of driftwood, shells and herbs. They really spent a lot of time on it you could tell. It made me smile to see someone else's respectful offering and that others enjoyed the beauty of the shore that night.
I finally spoke to the woman at the complex we're trying to get into today. She called on Monday and I called her back. Left a message but hadn't heard anything in days. So I called again today. Seems she still hadn't gotten the tennant information from our current complex manager. Keep in mind, we originally dropped off our application with the potential move-in date two weeks later on the 17th. It's now a week past that so this has stretched on for almost three weeks now. And we still don't know if we're approved. We really doubt it because of poor credit history and I know the current manager is going to do everything she can to say what horrible tennants we are - but dammit. Waiting three weeks to most likely be told no and have to start this process over again....unbelievably frustrating to say the least. If we can't move in here, we literally don't know what we're going to do. I mean literally, no clue. It's been months now since the initial water leak and the air samples that were taken which found mold. With nothing done since then and so clearly more mold growth since July would have taken place. Basically, the place gets more and more toxic every day and here we sit, twiddle our thumbs and pretty much have no clue what the hell we're going to do.
Oh and I might have gotten enough people for the free iPod thingy I posted about earlier. I need to wait three-to-five business days to go through anti-fraud process and legitamize my referers and such but hopefully, it will have worked out. I can't thank my friends enough for helping me out.
Well, I think I spoke too soon about the head. It's really starting to bother me so I'm going to call this a wrap and maybe go to bed early tonight. Who knows? Anything to avoid that pain again.
Ciao
~ castles of sand by Memory and Dream
at 9/24/2004 01:30:36 AM ~
~
