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Blogroll Me!
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
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wishlist and mailing address
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Sighs
I need a new car. Or just a newer car. Something that's reliable. Because I just missed out on going to Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party tonight - for free - because of it. A lack of transporation to Orlando was all that held me up. And that sucks. A local area guy on a message board I go to had two extra tix for tonight's party. He didn't want them to go to waste and would give them to whomever could use them for free. I could have gotten them from him here then gone out to Disney World tonight. Just that my car barely makes it to Love's work, let alone Orlando. Sooooooo bummed. Because of all the problems we had when we went on the 3rd (which was still a great time, thanks to Cy), we got there late and missed out on a lot of the special events they do just for the party. Add to that the fact that poor Love got food posioning from his hot dog and it would have been really nice to go again, get better photos, see the things we missed and spend another magical night at the World. I am so frustrated by the limitations of our transportation. First off, we have only the one car that's running. And barely at that. It means I never get to leave the house during the day. I can't because I have no way of doing so. And it also means that it's freakin' impossible to get a job. No car, no job. I've even looked at the bus maps in desperation but none go anywhere that I'd need. It doesn't help that we're on the very, very edge of the county either. And then it comes to the fun things in life, or the days off and it's even worse. Because we can't go anywhere for risk of the car not getting there or not getting back. No money for a new car. No credit for a car loan even if there were money for a new car. It's just been such a source of depression for awhile now and there's no way to fix the problem. So, I'm bummed. Because I had to pass up free tickets to the second-to-last night of MVMCP not because of desire to go, and not because of time but simply because I lack the ability to get there. How pathetic is that? *sighs* edited...more to say... It's not that it's Disney World that's making me upset or making me cry. That's just the straw. It's not that oh my life is horrible because I can't go to WDW. That's not the issue. That's just the reminder. The problem is my lack of freedom. Of mobility. It's the culmination of two years being in a cage. It's the dark turn of my thoughts and the depression-fueled words in my head. Don't hope. Don't try. Don't bother. Nothing works out anyway, nothing but pain and shit and hurt. Don't do, don't even be. There's no reason to any of it and it's all just there to hurt you in the end. I get in these cycles and I can't pull out of them. I get in these places in my head where I can't even get dressed because it's too much and there's no reason for it. I just hurt, raw all within so I stop feeling. Stop feeling anything. It's all just smothering numbness with pain pushing on the edges. People are so fucking stupid. They think it'd be great to be home all the time and not have to "do" anything. But they don't know. They don't see what a cage and a prison it is. When you can't leave. When you have to rely on everyone else to do the simplest thing. Need toliet paper? Wait until someone comes and brings it to you? No food in the house? Well then you simply do not eat. There are no options and there are no opprotunities. There's nothing but the endless waiting for something to happen; something that never does. So it's not just Disney World. It's not just this one night. It's everything and every day I've lost and continue to lose. It's never being out past my own walls and not having the chance to even consider what's outside it all. It's being trapped and reaching a point where you can't take it anymore, so you cry and hurt and retreat into some dark hole in your head. No hopes. No dreams. No possibility.
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