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Blogroll Me!
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
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wishlist and mailing address
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Holiday Catch-Up
In no particular order.... Thank you for your lovely cards: Cy, Dawna, Jevea, felinevamp, Nikki-Ann, Marquise, Kathryn, Gary, Alicia, weirdpixie, Phoe from Elsewhere (And Px'ers: DeAnn, Maggie, Palmy Pen, teenagefairy, Violet, Tick and Gator (c/o Chelle)and MML) I'm 99% positive I got cards back to everyone who sent me one. Even those lovely surpise ones I didn't know to expect. :) The last batch just went out Friday, so if they're tardy, I'm sorry. Also, thanks again to Dawna for her lovely box of Sephoria bath items, Gary for the Witch Crafting book and Phoe for the totally cool altar cloth, oils and bracelet. You're too sweet! So I've got more cards then I have counterspace to hang them and I love it! :) It's always so nice to get warm, fuzzy mail. Mom says I have two more things from the PO box that I'll get on Monday when I see her, so I'm sure I'll have another few kind thanks to add to the list. I think I sent out more cards this year then any previously - and I love it. It's great spreading a little cheer and I hope you all enjoy. Tomorrow, Love's parents are coming over for dinner and the apartment is trashed, so I better go and start working on that. Just wanted to give an overdue thanks while I was thinking about it.
Friday, December 17, 2004
All I Want is to Feel this Way
To be this close, to feel the same All I want is to feel this way The evening speaks, I feel it say... Random Toad the Wet Sprocket Song running through my head. (It's "All I Want" from their Fear album) So, it's 4am. Do you know where your bed is? I'm so tired. Just finished a penguin order that I needed to get done so Love could take it with him in the morning to get to the post office. Can't get there myself, so despite not wanting to be up anywhere near this late, nor work on it, I had no choice. Went out to stores today trying to find nothing more then a long-sleeved shirt/lightweight sweater today. I own exactly two long-sleeved shirts. And have worn both twice already this week. And since I lack a w/d, there are none in the complex and I don't have a car to get to a laundromat, they do me little good now that the temp has gone down and will be dipping back down again Sunday/Monday/Tuesday of next week. Of course, I couldn't find shit. Or, if I did, it was shit. Or, large. Or XL. Or $60 fucking dollars for a cotton shirt. *sighs* Just not what I needed today. Going out to get a shirt was supposed to be both practical (as in, I really need some long-sleeved shirts) and take my mind off the fact I spent most of the day crying. So much for that. Anyway, came over here to turn off the pc and for some reason wrote this. I just want to go to bed and never wake up. Especially when I look at the fucking disaster the apartment is and know it's what I get to look forward to tomorrow. Joy of fucking joys. Cleaning. My life has such fucking meaning. Whatever, I'm in a bad state right now so I'm out.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Sighs
I need a new car. Or just a newer car. Something that's reliable. Because I just missed out on going to Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party tonight - for free - because of it. A lack of transporation to Orlando was all that held me up. And that sucks. A local area guy on a message board I go to had two extra tix for tonight's party. He didn't want them to go to waste and would give them to whomever could use them for free. I could have gotten them from him here then gone out to Disney World tonight. Just that my car barely makes it to Love's work, let alone Orlando. Sooooooo bummed. Because of all the problems we had when we went on the 3rd (which was still a great time, thanks to Cy), we got there late and missed out on a lot of the special events they do just for the party. Add to that the fact that poor Love got food posioning from his hot dog and it would have been really nice to go again, get better photos, see the things we missed and spend another magical night at the World. I am so frustrated by the limitations of our transportation. First off, we have only the one car that's running. And barely at that. It means I never get to leave the house during the day. I can't because I have no way of doing so. And it also means that it's freakin' impossible to get a job. No car, no job. I've even looked at the bus maps in desperation but none go anywhere that I'd need. It doesn't help that we're on the very, very edge of the county either. And then it comes to the fun things in life, or the days off and it's even worse. Because we can't go anywhere for risk of the car not getting there or not getting back. No money for a new car. No credit for a car loan even if there were money for a new car. It's just been such a source of depression for awhile now and there's no way to fix the problem. So, I'm bummed. Because I had to pass up free tickets to the second-to-last night of MVMCP not because of desire to go, and not because of time but simply because I lack the ability to get there. How pathetic is that? *sighs* edited...more to say... It's not that it's Disney World that's making me upset or making me cry. That's just the straw. It's not that oh my life is horrible because I can't go to WDW. That's not the issue. That's just the reminder. The problem is my lack of freedom. Of mobility. It's the culmination of two years being in a cage. It's the dark turn of my thoughts and the depression-fueled words in my head. Don't hope. Don't try. Don't bother. Nothing works out anyway, nothing but pain and shit and hurt. Don't do, don't even be. There's no reason to any of it and it's all just there to hurt you in the end. I get in these cycles and I can't pull out of them. I get in these places in my head where I can't even get dressed because it's too much and there's no reason for it. I just hurt, raw all within so I stop feeling. Stop feeling anything. It's all just smothering numbness with pain pushing on the edges. People are so fucking stupid. They think it'd be great to be home all the time and not have to "do" anything. But they don't know. They don't see what a cage and a prison it is. When you can't leave. When you have to rely on everyone else to do the simplest thing. Need toliet paper? Wait until someone comes and brings it to you? No food in the house? Well then you simply do not eat. There are no options and there are no opprotunities. There's nothing but the endless waiting for something to happen; something that never does. So it's not just Disney World. It's not just this one night. It's everything and every day I've lost and continue to lose. It's never being out past my own walls and not having the chance to even consider what's outside it all. It's being trapped and reaching a point where you can't take it anymore, so you cry and hurt and retreat into some dark hole in your head. No hopes. No dreams. No possibility.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
A Lovely Tree
I forgot to put up photos of my tree all decorated. It's so pretty. We did it last night and watched It's A Wonderful Life while we did it. I love all my ornaments - both old and new. Some I got from my mother who got from her mother. It's neat to think I have ornaments which are near 60 years old and that I'm the third generation to put them on my tree. Then there's all my favorites from when I was a kid and the new things we pick up each year that just add the "us" touch to it all.  Here's the tree all lit up and decorated.  My Nanny gave me the angel a few years ago. It was always my favorite on her tree as a kid. And the blue Mickey ear ball is what we treated ourselves to while at Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party on the 3rd. We got a set of 12 in the rainbow spectrum of colors.  The little eskimo is part of a series. I didn't know that originally though, but in 1984 when my mom got me one as a kid, I loved it. Years later, we saw some in Hallmark and realized that the series was over twenty years old at this point. So now I try to look for them and my mom often gets me the newest one to add to the collection.  The Steamboat Willy ornament that my friend Rand got us last year. It plays music and Mickey whistles. He also moves back and forth, pulling on the whistle and turning the wheel. There's tons more, but that's a glimpse at my tree. I think the tree is my favorite part of the season and I love the warm, fuzzy feeling I get when I sit and just stare at how beautiful it is. Edit - 12/15 @ 12pm: I'm having problems uploading. This is from yesterday and it might not update still. Let's see though... Edit 2 - 12/15 @ 3:40pm: Got an email from blogger. Seems they're having a "misconfigured router" issue which is preventing publishing. And they "hope to have it resolved shortly." Well, guess it's on their side and not my hosts, so hopefully that means it actually WILL get fixed soon.
Freezing in Florida - Part Two
They take this stuff seriously around here. You have to remember that getting into freezing temperatures isn't a common occurance. And they fret and warn and remind you to bring in or cover up your plants and don't leave pets out, yada, yada. A little later in the season and they'll be news reports all over of trying to keep the strawberry crops from freezing over in Plant City. (Which, apparently is the Winter Strawberry Capital of the World.) Anyway, they don't mess around with the cold warnings around here. As exampled by this National Weather Service Advisory they put out: Severe weather alert from the national weather service ...charlotte-citrus-de soto-hardee-hernando-highlands-hillsborough-lee- levy-manatee-pasco-pinellas-polk-sarasota-sumter- including the cities of... Arcadia... Bartow... Bradenton... Brandon... Brooksville... Cape coral... Chiefland... Clearwater... Fort myers... Inverness... Lakeland... New port richey... Port charlotte... Punta gorda... Sarasota... Sebring... Spring hill... Tampa... Venice... Winter haven and zephyrhills. 244 pm est tue dec 14 2004 This is as big of news here as the hurricane tracking was a few months ago. They actually have to remind people to bring in their pets and educate them on how to dress warmly! It's sad and funny all at the same time. Anyway, my blanket, heat, sweater and I will be drinking some hot tea, eating some leftover lasanga from the other night and staying inside. :)
PhoenixFire Designs - Updated!
Just a head's up. There are some new items in necklaces and memory wire necklaces available on my design site, PhoenixFire Designs. Don't forget too that all bracelets are on sale for the month of December, I take custom horn orders all year and of course, my Santa Penguins which double as ornaments! 
Freezing in Florida
Brr! Apparently, it's going to be cold tonight! It's only 55F out there - which is damned cold for the day and more like an overnight low! - but it's supposed to get 35F tonight. Frost and freeze warnings for certain areas around here! Tues, Dec 14, 11:31 AM - A Hard Freeze Warning is in effect for Hernando and Citrus counties from 1am to 9am Wednesday morning. A Freeze Warning is in effect for Pasco, Hillsborough, and Polk Counties for late tonight and early Wednesday morning. A cold batch of air behind a cold front will leave us feeling the chill tonight and Wednesday morning with ‘feels like’ temperatures in the teens and 20s. Teens and 20's? Once again I say, "Brrr!"
Monday, December 13, 2004
Words are flowing out like endless rain into a papercup...
It's been a busy and painful weekend. Saturday, my head started to hurt pretty bad and I ended up with a low/mid level migraine. Thankfully, I was still able to get around and run errands and not let it interfere too terribly much. Sunday though was another thing all together. Sunday I made lasagne - a two hour process between cooking the components, assembly and cook time - for Love, my friend Rand and myself. Turned out yummy, but my head started to hurt pretty bad shortly after eating again. By 8pm, my body took over and I fell asleep on the couch. Love put me in bed to lay down for awhile and I slept until like 10:30pm. Got up, watched the last Dead Like Me episode on dvd but barely got through it. By then my head was full-blown migraine again and poor Love had to run out to try to find me some Migraine Ice at 11:30pm on a Sunday night. Went to bed around midnight and slept until about 10:30am. All I want to do though today is curl back up in bed. I'm cold and feel worn out and despite having things to do, I don't want to do them. I don't have the energy. But I need to work on making a new batch of Santa Penguins for orders and since I had to go out and get more black clay yesterday, it's something I really need to do. This weekend was chilly. Yesterday's high was only like 60F which might sound like a lot, but keep in mind, three days ago, it was 83F. Plus it was really, really windy and the wind had a bite to it. We got our tree on Friday, put the lights on it Saturday and had planned to decorate it last night, but well, that didn't happen because of the migraine. I want to do it tonight though for sure. My Mom's coming by tomorrow and I'd like her to get to see it all decorated.  Here it is just with lights The other creative christmasy thing I did this weekend was make a wreath. Seeing as I've never done anything like it before, I think it came out pretty nice. Grapevine wreath, clippings left over from my tree, some fake berries and voila!  Purdy and festive! Oh and while I'm on a photo posting kick, here's one more. We were crossing the Bay Saturday and the clouds looked so amazing. Unbelievably close to the ground and the rays were just coming down on the other side. The photo doesn't do it justice, but it was taken from about ten miles away, speeding down the causeway at 70mph from within a vehicle.  Beyond all of that...I got my Secret Santa gift out, have two more packages that I'm waiting on the finishing touches to send (so, Lorena and Dawna, I didn't forget about you, honest!) a few more holiday cards going in the mailbox today, a necklace order and two penguin orders that I still have to make. Whew! Oh, and I listed a Marilyn Manson cd on ebay. I have no idea where it came from but it's still brand new, factory sealed. I found it in a box. I don't like Manson, so I thought someone might want to buy it on the cheap as a gift. So...feel free to take a peek and bid. One last thing. Lately, my journal's been getting tons of hits. And I have no idea why. Most are drive-by google searches and I get that, but still, I'm seeing 150, 160, even 180 hits in a day! That's insane! What's even more insane is that no one comments. Ever. What's the deal? *grumbles* The only comments I get are on my LJ syndication. Which is fine and all, but my journal's home is here on the domain. And its getting tons of hits. So why doesn't anyone have anything to say about any of it? Baffles the mind. Alright, stalling long enough. Time to decide if I'm going to cheat and cuddle in bed some more (pros: get warm / cons: potentially trigger a headache) or get dressed and do something (pros: get stuff done / cons: be cold and grumpy). Either way, out for now.
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