28 year old
Pagan female who lives in Florida with her guy and two cats,
loves Disney, reads fanatically, tinkers in photography and
believes growing up is overrated.
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do
with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
Tooth
Drive:
I need to
raise over $850 for critically needed dental
work. I'll be listing my hand made
jewelry, bracelets,
earrings, necklaces and horns
for sale to try to raise the desperately needed funds.
Every order helps. I can accept paypal payments at
webmaster@giveneyestosee.com
or check/money orders at:
M. Turner
PO Box 1484, Elfers, FL 34684
Thank you for your help and support.
I've also set
up a
tooth fund for anyone
wanted to donate without purchase.
Need a
good webhost?
Try
DreamHost. Use
my linkI'll get a
referal credit which goes straight into the Tooth Fund
as well.
Crickets Chirping I know. I've been such a post slacker lately. I just feel like I have nothing to say and that I lack the energy or desire to open up the blogger screen and try to think of something to type up. Seems like the daily recounting of things is just pointless, monotonous and well, quite frankly meaningless. Seems more effort then it's worth to bother with. Let's try anyway I guess. I have nothing better to do.
Hung out with my Mom on Thursday. She kept trying to buy me a pair of sandals. Which is silly because she doesn't need to be spending money for a pair of shoes for me. But she got it in her head and we hit several stores and I tried on a couple dozen pairs but I didn't see anything that made me go, "oh, I want to take you home." It was all just, "eh" and I thought I shouldn't waste my mom's money on something that wasn't really that interesting. She was disappointed because she really wanted to get me a pair but I really didn't find what I wanted. She's coming over on Monday though and we're hitting the other mall and I'm sure she'll want me to look around for a pair there. She's very well-meaning and don't get me wrong, I (like most women) enjoy shoes, but still. It makes me feel bad when my mom's all trying to buy me things. I just don't want to feel like I'm making/guilting her into it or that I'm taking advantage. I have to fight her off though from getting things. I can't make a casual remark about something because if I do, she's trying to buy it for me! She doesn't have money or anything.
In fact, for those of you who don't realize this, my mom is actually disabled. She suffers (and suffer is the right word for it) from Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. Basically multiple types of auto-immune disorders where her own body attacks itself. Her "mix" includes, among other things, Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis. It's quite a horrible thing and my sister and I actually have to basically wait and see; we could come down with one or more of the conditions at literally any point in our lives. There's no way to know. She became disabled a few years ago when she was in her early 50's.
Anyway, I do enjoy spending the day with her but I feel bad because I don't want her to feel the need to push so hard to get me something when we hang out. It's like, I just want her to know it's ok if we just hang out and window shop. No purchase needed.
Friday we treated ourselves to some Chilli's. It's been a looong, broke, month or so since we last had some spare cash so I wanted to get out of the apartment a bit. Got the kid's sized ribs (because they don't offer a half-rack otherwise) and they were super yummy. Later on, I got a bannana split from DQ and though it was huge, I actually finished it. This doesn't sound amazing but I literally almost never can eat. It's not that I have an eating disorder or anything or that I dislike food. It's just that my stomach is so bad (sooo bad) that it hurts pretty much every moment of my life and I get very sick from the act of eating very quickly. I usually can't finish a kid's portion of things and often find myself frustrated by taking two bites of something and feeling sick. I have to eat tiny bits throughout the day because I can't eat any quantity at any time. I normally "graze" during the day and I get enough calories and everything, but eating out somewhere is generally such a waste for me. I simply am incapable of eating full meals. The fact I managed to eat and enjoy my dinner and later dessert really made my night. It's quite hard to put it into words if you don't know me and know my stomach how rare of a thing that was.
Today (well, technically it's Sunday, but I haven't gone to bed yet, so it's still Saturday in my mind), we ran errands. Costco, Target, PetSmart - that kind of thing. Stuff that's needed doing for weeks now but that we haven't had the cash for. You know, stocking up on things again.
Tomorrow, I'm thinking of going and getting my hair cut. I've been debating for weeks now about it. It's soooo long these days. Down to the middle of my back (when it's curled so it's even longer wet.) I want to cut it up just below my shoulders. My mom freaked when I said that. She said it's too pretty to cut. It is pretty. And it does look nice. But it will grow back and right now it's just a lot of hair, it's hot, summer's here and I think I need a bit of a change. I can always let it grow out after this and it'll be long again by the end of the year. I dunno. I want to but I'm nervous about it. This is the longest it's been in quite awhile and it's actually the healthiest it's been when long in awhile too. I just feel like I want something a little fresh and new. But I'm still nervous about actually doing it.
Ok, well I think I managed to utterly and completely babble pointlessly for far too much by now. I still really don't actually want to publish it because it's just so damned stupid but whatever, I guess I will anyway. I'm still in a bad place mentally/emotionally and things are just not going well so it's really coloring my [lack of] self-esteem right now and I just don't want to deal with any of it. Especially not act like anything in my life is interesting or important when it's not even close. So writing about it just reminds me how lame and pathetic and pointless it all is. Whatever. Even I'm sick of myself and my words so I'm going to just shut up.
