28 year old
Pagan female who lives in Florida with her guy and two cats,
loves Disney, reads fanatically, tinkers in photography and
believes growing up is overrated.
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do
with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
Tooth
Drive:
I need to
raise over $850 for critically needed dental
work. I'll be listing my hand made
jewelry, bracelets,
earrings, necklaces and horns
for sale to try to raise the desperately needed funds.
Every order helps. I can accept paypal payments at
webmaster@giveneyestosee.com
or check/money orders at:
M. Turner
PO Box 1484, Elfers, FL 34684
Thank you for your help and support.
I've also set
up a
tooth fund for anyone
wanted to donate without purchase.
Need a
good webhost?
Try
DreamHost. Use
my linkI'll get a
referal credit which goes straight into the Tooth Fund
as well.
A Pain In The Neck No, really. Like that one asprin commerical. An actual pain in my neck. See, my neck sucks. Utterly and completely. Always has. Was damaged as a baby and subsequently, it grew wrong. Found out at about age 13 but by then, the damage had been done. I've seen several chiropractors about it and the last one several years ago basically said he couldn't help me, didn't want to take my money and he'd never seen anything like my neck before. He suggested acupunture. *sighs*
Anyway, it hurts me every single day of my life. It also is one of my major migraine triggers. It gets bad, I get a migraine. 99% of the time it only hurts on my right side though. That's the bad side. Additionally, a few years ago, my doctor sent me for x-rays on my right shoulder. I never got the results because I lost my insurance. The right side though is the same side the massage therapist back in March said was in bad shape. She felt it was probably due to problems in my neck and that without getting help, was going to basically cripple that side. Nowadays I have what I assume must be some nerve damage in my right shoulder because the last few weeks the pain has been horrific and it runs down my arm and even makes my fingers partially numb. I think there is something pinched.
So if all of that on a daily basis isn't enough of a pain in the neck, yesterday I woke up with a horrible pain on the left side of my neck. We went to see Batman Beyond at the theater (which was good by the way) but we got there at like 2:30pm for a 3:30pm show time. (You have to, or you don't get seats.) The movie didn't even start until about 3:50pm. Then didn't end until after 6pm. So if you can imagine, from 2:30pm until after 6pm, I sat in that seat in some of the worst pain my neck's ever given me. Needless to say the right side of my neck wasn't going to be left out of the fun and it led to an absolutely painful and miserable night of being unable to sleep and getting no real relief from Tylenol or anything.
It's a smidge better today. Not much. And I'm still running a headache from it all. Gods, I hate my fucking neck. It's just so painful. And now with my shoulder and arm and an utter inability to do anything about it... I can't even afford to get regular theraputic massage to keep it from getting so bad. Forget hundreds of dollars on x-rays and stuff. Ugh.
Ever have whiplash? I have and I can firmly tell you that my neck feels almost as bad as it did when I had whiplash. It's that level of pain. Raw, fire in your veins, bones grating into each other pain. And I'm sick of it.
Thinking about the scooter I mentioned in the last post. I've thought of a few problems. (Well, besides the fact the thing is $300 and it'll take me a couple months to even save up three hundred dollars for it.) The shipping weight is listed as 78lbs. I live on the third floor. I physically can't carry almost eighty pounds up and down three flights of stairs every day I'd need to get to work. And no, there isn't any place whatsoever I could secure it on the first floor. (Let alone no where I could recharge it anyway.) That's a major oversight on my part. I never thought about getting it up and down the stairs. The second problem is rain. It rains every afternoon here in Florida in the summer. Sometimes for ten minutes, but sometimes for two hours. What happens if the scooter gets wet? When it comes down, it comes down and often puddles. Besides the fact I'd get soaked, would I fry it? And third was a point I hadn't thought of until a friend mentioned it. What about storing it at the job itself? Not like I can leave it out front - someone would steal it. Not like you can chain it up to a bike rack or anything. I have no idea if there'd be any place inside I could bring it to protect it from the weather and to make sure it's there at the end of the shift.
Ugh. It's so damned hard when you have no transportation options available to you. Everything poses such problems. I'm right on the edge of the county, so none of the buses go anywhere from here (without several hours of travel time and four or five transfers), nothing goes in the direction where the nearest shopping centers are because that's the next county over, cabs would run me $10-12 a day (I've checked) and if I'm only working four hours at $6 an hour, that's half my pay and totally not feasible, I have no income and shit for credit so no chance of a car loan (not that I could afford the payment and insurance)....bah. This is so frustrating. I'm so trapped and pinned into a corner. It seems like every option has so many problems with it and I don't know what to do.
Anyway, my head and neck hurt. I'm cranky because of it. I'm aggravated and upset and I guess I'm just pouring it out into this post. I'm still in a really deep level of my depression and all this added stress isn't helping. I'm pretty much unable to drag myself out of bed the last week and I'm really starting to forget why I even bother. Things are just stupidly hard and I'm so tired. Tired of hurt, pain, frustration, being so helpless, having no options and just tired of how hard it all is and how I never get anywhere or get anything done.
I don't know. It's a bad day in a bad week in a bad year in a bad life.
