28 year old
Pagan female who lives in Florida with her guy and two cats,
loves Disney, reads fanatically, tinkers in photography and
believes growing up is overrated.
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do
with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
Tooth
Drive:
I need to
raise over $850 for critically needed dental
work. I'll be listing my hand made
jewelry, bracelets,
earrings, necklaces and horns
for sale to try to raise the desperately needed funds.
Every order helps. I can accept paypal payments at
webmaster@giveneyestosee.com
or check/money orders at:
M. Turner
PO Box 1484, Elfers, FL 34684
Thank you for your help and support.
I've also set
up a
tooth fund for anyone
wanted to donate without purchase.
Need a
good webhost?
Try
DreamHost. Use
my linkI'll get a
referal credit which goes straight into the Tooth Fund
as well.
Low Week I've been quiet this week because I've just been having a low time of it. A lot of small things feeling huge added in with some bad health days. Everything's just bothering me now; everything is feeling hopeless and endless and I'm just so tired of it all.
Last couple days (today included) I've been dealing with migraines. And cramps. And stomach upset. My head just aches and I can't think and I just want it to stop.
I'm bummed over little things too. Like I really want to get this. I'd love to try the pineapple slices or maybe the apricot nectar. And it just drags on me that I can't afford a $8 item for myself.
I'm bummed because there are two books out that I really want. A new P.N. Elrod book after over two years and a new Neil Gaiman book after like four. And my favorite author, Charles DeLint, put out a book in June that I haven't gotten either. Such small things but I can't afford them. I love to read. And I read a book a week. And I haven't had a book to read in a couple weeks now. Right now, I'm re-reading Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire for lack of a new book.
I'm bummed because I need a job. And I need income. And I can't get either because I don't have a car.
I'm bummed because I have to do my dental work. It's been over six months now and I haven't managed to save enough for it yet. (I have about $500 out of $850 and most of that is money my mom has managed to save not me.) I had more but then I had car repairs. And now, the tie rod on the car is going and desperately needs fixing but it's another $200+ repair. More money I don't have. (But when it goes, we lose all steering in the car and it's clanking every time you turn the wheel, so it's ready to go.)
I'm bummed because every time I talk to my mom she asks if there's any news on the temp job. Any more days? Have they decided to bring me on permanently? I keep telling her it's not going to happen. That the CEO has denied adding me in the budget multiple times and he's never going to approve it. She keeps just not getting it. She even suggested that I tell the other people to have a "walk out" in protest to hire me. (!) What world does she live in? No one is going to risk their jobs like that. It doesn't work that way. She just doesn't understand corporate reality and it really depresses me every time she asks. It's like a reminder all over again. Yes, we all know it'd be perfect, but it's not going to happen any time soon if ever. So please drop it and stop asking. (Like I wouldn't call her and tell her anyway if it did happen.) Her pushing me won't change the CEO's mind and it just makes me feel bad.
I'm bummed because it's our anniversary next weekend. And I had really hopped maybe we could go away for a weekend. We've been together seven years next weekend and it's been basically that long since we had a vacation. I keep reading about all my friends who travel and see places and go somewhere and do something and it's heartbreaking to me. Last time I was on a plane I was 13. Last time I left the state was 1998. I've managed to change time zones once and I've never been further west then New Orleans. I left the country once and that was to Canada over nine years ago. Love and I have never been able to go anywhere and there's just no chance that's going to ever change without more income.
I'm bummed because my bank account is in the red until tomorrow. And I have no credit cards or savings whatsoever. The sum total of my money is negative. And if it weren't for the fact we have spaghetti in the pantry, we wouldn't even have food for dinner tonight. I'm too old to be this pathetic.
I'm bummed because I can never get anywhere and I can never improve anything.
I'm bummed because my shoulder has been agony lately and it's red fire in my arm. I desperately need medical care for it but I'll literally never be able to afford it. It's to a point where I can barely even use the arm - my right - let alone pick anything up or carry anything. I desperately need a massage or something to aleviate the pain and stiffness but I don't have $70 once let alone regularly. If I could keep up with it, I might be able to minimize the damage. But I can't, so meanwhile, I'm literally getting nerve damage from it. Tingling and pain in my arm and fingers because it's pressing on a nerve. And I just have to deal with it. But I can't anymore. I just can't. It hurtsall the time and I'm not strong enough to keep pretending it's not there anymore.
I'm bummed because I hurt. And my health is shit. And I'm in pain every day. And I have no hope. And nothing will ever get better.
It's a bad week. And I can't see how any of it is ever going to get better.
