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Blogroll Me!
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
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wishlist and mailing address
Friday, January 07, 2005
Not for lack of trying...
To those who keep commenting about the obvious: that I need a job to help the money problems. Yeah, no shit. But it's not that easy. If it were, I'd have one already. But I'm stuck in a catch-22. Need a car to get a job, need a job to get a car. Why don't you just have/get a job? Not for lack of trying. There is nothing even remotely within walking distance. Nor do I own a bike. Miles to the nearest store. And a very busy, six lane road to boot. The bus doesn't even run to the mall from here because we're on the edge of the county. So I couldn't even get a job there. (Because I looked during the holidays for something since they always hire extra help then.) No one hires part time around here - ever - unless it's a retail store but I can't get to any stores without transportation. They're just too far away. The only thing that I could do is work graveyard (if they even are hiring) at the super wal-mart and use the car while Love's sleeping. But he doesn't want me working graveyard because he's not comfortable with me being out alone as a woman at night like that. Not like it's my dream job anyway. *sighs* Last year, I worked temp jobs and part time things as they came but that was when we were only about 4 miles from Love's work. So I could get him in, get to a local temp job, be able to come home before getting him at the end of the day. Now we're about 12 or so miles one way from his work. The car is literally barely making it to and from for him as it is. There's no way I could get him in, get to a job, come all the way back over here then go back all the way over there to pick him up and come home again. Which is why I need a car. Not a new car just a car. Something that runs. I need to be able to get to a job a and not risk him being able to get to work. It's a very complicated issue. It's complicated more by the lack of transportation, the lack of things near me, the lack of health and the inability to get something part time. Believe me, if I could find a local part time job I could get to and from to, even if it was $5/hour I'd jump on it.
Another Laundry Day
I'm not at the apartment today. I'm over at my friend Rand's house leeching off of his washer and dryer again. We were out of clean (or even semi-clean) towels, underwear, tops and well, bottoms too. So I needed to come over and work on a few loads. I need to raise $250 to get a w/d. Someone Love works with is selling a set and needless to say we are in desperate need of them. It's been since we moved into the new apartment - in October - that we haven't had one. The complex doesn't have a laundry onsite and I don't have a car so I can't get out anywhere to do it unless Rand comes and gets me on his lunch hour and brings me to his place. The situation sucks in so very many ways. If anyone is interested in my handmade penguins or handmade jewelry or custom horns and had been thinking about getting something, please, now would be a good time. I can customize things for you and gladly take custom orders so just ask. I'm not asking for handouts, I'm just trying to raise money in the only way I know how. I don't have a lot I can do from my apartment, but this I can, so if you're interested, I'd appreciate your order. Speaking of orders I have a few to work on at the moment so I'm going to get to that. Might as well make use of my time today.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Cold
Ever have one of those days were you just can't get warm? It's 73F outside right now and it was hotter earlier. (Pushing near 80F.) But all day, I'm just chilled. My hands are cold, my feet are cold IN their socks and my skin is chilled. I just can't seem to get warm. I hate that feeling. You wrap the blanket around your legs and arms and if one hair's width isn't covered it feels like it's ice. My head's been bothering me. Not just today (though it has today), but for the last week or so. On and off I can't seem to get fully rid of migraines or what feel like the precursor to migraines. My eyes feel blurry and like I can't see right. No matter how much I rub at them, the feeling doesn't seem to go away. It's just not a good day. I have so many little things I need to do but I either can't do any of them (lack of money, lack of transportation) or simply don't feel like it (lack of energy or motivation, not feeling well enough to focus my attention.) Was reading some scary things last night on fillings, mercury poisoning and conditions like chronic fatigue as a result to sensitivities and toxicity of the metals. Which makes me wonder not just about my fillings (I have two and one of them has been cracked open for over two years now - probably more like three) but about chronic fatigue and such in general. How do you know if you have a problem? I knew when I was anemic (which I suppose I could very well be again seeing as I haven't been able to get a CBC for like a year and a half now and I'm supposed to get it checked at least once a year) because a single finger-prick could show clearly yes or no. Something chronic though that's more subtle and less easily found...how do you know? I mean there's got to be more scientific rational beyond just, "I feel tired all the time and I'm otherwise in normal test ranges." The illness is difficult to diagnose, in part because fatigue is a very common, subjective symptom found in many illnesses. "Fatigue can denote problems with muscle weakness, exhaustion ... mental tiredness ... or lack of motivation," says Johnson. Most doctors today establish a diagnosis by ruling out all the other diseases, she adds. Which is all fine and dandy except if you don't have medical insurance - like I haven't for years now - you can't get any kind of testing, let alone test to rule out other things first. It's all so vague. With no real course or treatment or anything to do to make it get better - if that's even what it is. I don't know. I don't feel like I know anything anymore. I don't even know what's supposed to be normal. Maybe everyone feels like this all the time. Unable to hold their eyes open; sore, achy, constantly feeling like they're at the onset of getting sick but never manifesting any actual "cold" or "flu" symptoms. Tired after even ten hours of sleep. Falling asleep uncontrollably while on the couch. Fogginess of thought and just utter inability to get anything done. Maybe it's normal and I just don't handle it as well. It just doesn't seem right though that a 27 year old woman would be able to just pass out basically sitting at her computer chair - like I could right this moment - after ten hours of sleep, eating regularly and not having had any strenuous excerise... seems wrong. My get up and go got up and went and left me behind. It seems like forever ago.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
I need a car
I need a car. I fucking need a car. I'm just a pet or a peice of furnature. I wonder why I've developed such crippling social anxiety? Gee, let's see...could it be I live my entire live, devoid of human contact within four walls I can't ever leave unless someone lets me out? I need a fucking car. I need a life again. I need to be a human being. Because I don't want to keep on like this. I can't. I rather not be anything then be what I've been reduced to. I couldn't be more serious if I were a heart attack. I need a car and it has to be soon.
Every Year!
Every year, after Christmas, I miss out on the Victoria's Secret Semi Annual Sale & Clearance! Grr. It's going on right now and do I have any cash to buy desperately needed items? No. Because, like every year, I'm broke right after Christmas. Not just broke but behind. I love their bras and panties. They actually fit the size they say they are and they last. I hate the cheap crap from Wal-Mart because it's just that: cheap crap. I hate when the underwire rips out of the bottom of the bra and it gets all twisted and useless. Or when the edge of the panties rip so you have a big hole on the seat of your pants - literally. Bah. The majority of the year I can't come close to affording their stuff. It's just expensive. But this time of year you can get things for decent prices. And the few Victoria Secret items I've picked up over the years are always the most comfortable and the longest lasting. They just hold up. Of course, they can't hold up forever and for like three years now I've been needing to restock my drawers. So, dammit. Here's the sale again and there's no chance in hell of taking advantage of it...
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Witches Weekly - Yule/Winter Solstice
(A little late in my book for these questions since we're long past it, but *shrugs* either way, they just posted them, so I'll answer them.) Do you have any Winter Solstice traditions? I always light a candle and leave it burning through the night. This year, I also held vigil and stayed up through the dawn. How do you feel about the more secular form of the holiday, with presents and Santa Claus? I love the modern xmas trimmings - tree, ornaments, stockings, santa, etc. - and enjoy them fully as part of my season. What is one thing that is etched into your memory about this recent holiday season? Probably watching the sky as it warmed up; as it came back to life that morning. It was dark for so long and so when the dawn started to ride in, it was a beautiful sight. Witches Weekly
Monday, January 03, 2005
Happy Birthday Dawna!
A big birthday wish for happiness, good health and high spirits to my dear friend, Dawna. May it be wonderful and may you be blessed in all things.  *hugs*
Sunday, January 02, 2005
New Year's Eve - Disney Style
So, what do you do when you're broke but really, really sick of not doing anything on New Year's Eve? When you've never managed to do anything, well, ever for NYE? And when everything is lame and overpriced - like spending $100 a person for a smokey club for two hours? Why, you go to Disney World of course! The large-ticket item (a Disney Monorail) I was going to get for my Love for xmas with money I saved up from from penguin sales and jewelry sales and such fell through. Mainly because they were sold out of them. (Bastards.) What better unbelievably frivolous way to spend that money then just spend it going to Magic Kingdom for the day. (Food? Nah. It's over-rated.) It's actually not a bad value all things considered. You get an entire day, rides, four parades and two firework shows for the regular admission price. Beats overpaying for some lame club. The only catch? A hundred thousand other people or so think it's a good idea too. Which means you have to get there early. The park reaches capacity within a few hours of opening. Didn't make it in? Sorry, gates are closed. Woke up in the morning. Sick as all hell. Couldn't sleep the night before. So I spent about four hours laying awake in bed. No idea why. Stomach decided it hated me when I got up. So did my nose. It was running and I was sneezing non-stop. I felt like absolute crap. But I did not want to miss out on going to Disney, so I pulled myself together as best as possible and we headed over to our friend Rand's house. On the road about 8:30am, I tried to lay down in the back of Rand's Jeep to rest which only served to make me more nauseous. But we made amazing time and got there by 10am. Crawled in with all the other cars and parked way back at the end of the lot. Caught a tram and rode to the Transportation and Ticket center. Got in line and waited to get our tickets. After that, we still had to get to the Magic Kingdom. See, it's parking lot, then TTC, then either monorail or ferry boat over to MK. You're still a mile and a half away from MK when you're at the ticket center. You still have to get to the other side of Bay Lake. Thankfully, due to the massive volume for the day, they had buses running as well. We lucked out and caught one of those easily. Big charter busses. Next came the slow shuffle to the main gates. You have to go through a bag check before you even hit the turnstyles. So, in the trend for the day, we just had to wait to get through it. Finally, about 11:15am, we were actually into the park itself. Ah, there's nothing like those first moments when it washes over you that you're in Disney. No matter how many times I go, that feeling - a tingly, buzzy excitement - is always there. Then again, it could have been the overwhelming press of people. Nah, it's Disney magic. I'm sure of it. Mostly.  Walking down Main Street towards Cinderella's Castle. That was just the start of it. In all, we were there for about fourteen hours. In that time, we managed to hit Buzz Lightyear, Haunted Mansion, Carousel of Progress, Timekeeper, Philharmagic, Pirates of the Caribbean, the PeopleMover ("Tomorrowland Transit Authority" these days) and the Mickey's 'Twas the Night Before Christmas Show. That's it. We would have added my favorite, Big Thunder Mountain, to the list, but when we showed up with our FastPasses, the ride had broken down. We did stop to eat and snack throughout the day - and I got a Dole Whip! Oh joy of joys! - but the place was so packed that everything had two hour or more wait times. Mainly, we just took it easy and took in the atmosphere. And snacked. Did I mention the snacking? Heh.  It's just a smidge crowded in Frontierland. We picked up our free noise makers and NYE hats around 5:3pm. Everyone was wearing them and honking the noisemakers all evening long. We also got to see both fireworks shows. Wishes was on at 8:30pm and of course we had midnight fireworks and the Fantasy in the Sky show.  Make a wish and do as dreamers do.... For midnight, they did a countdown from ten with fireworks going off every second and then a massive 360-degree launching around the entire park. You were literally encircled with fireworks.  A screen-captured shot of video I took with my digital camera. They had cameras set up on big boom cranes and large flood lights. Turns out they were cutting live to the Magic Kingdom during the Rockin' New Year's Eve show. (You know, the Dick Clark one?) Which stinks because I completely forgot to set the DVR to catch it. I'd have loved to see it when we got home on tv. Oh well. It was damned cool to actually be standing there, watching them turn on the flood lights, seeing the camera pan over the crowd and say, "We're actually somewhere that they're cutting to live. We're at a place millions of people are watching and envying." How freakin' cool is that? It was a long day though. Looooong day. A long, crowded, by-the-end-you-were-damned-sick-of-people kind of crowded. Sick of being stepped on, sick of being rammed into with strollers, sick of people being rude and pushing in front of you...just sick of crowds. I did enjoy myself and I'm glad we went, but I don't know that I'd want to do Disney at maximum capacity again any time soon.  Love and I in front of the "Partners" statue which is right in front of Cinderella's Castle After the midnight fireworks, we were beat. And called it a night. The park was actually open for another hour but we weren't sure we were even going to make it until midnight. But we did. Whoo hoo! Lucked out on the way back as well. No one knew they were doing the busses - heck, we weren't sure they were going to do it again at night because there were no signs - but we walked over that way anyway. Sure enough, right onto a bus and right back to the ticket center. Right onto a tram and right back to the car. And away we went. Home by about 3am when all was said and done. Quick shower and then the loveliness that is your bed after a long, tiring day. So check out the New Year's Eve 2004 Gallery for more shots of everything. I took 256 megs of photos and video. My entire card was full down to the last shot. Hee hee. The video unfortunatly is far too large in file size for me to share - some clips coming in at like 30+ megs - and I still lack Quciktime Pro to edit it in anyway, but I did take screen captures of my fireworks video to share. If I can ever get it edited down, I'll share the video I took too. Hope everyone had a great, safe and fun New Year and that 2005 is a wonderful year for us all! Me? I think I'm going to go back to recouping on the couch until 2006. Hee hee.
Insert Entry Here
I know! I know! I've been slacking. But, I have an excuse. Two words: Magic Kingdom. New Year's Eve, me, my Love and friend Rand...and, oh yeah, 100,000 of Mickey's close friends. Whew! 256 megs of photos and videos to go through, massive recap entry, so it's coming. I'm still recouping from it all. (Can you say, "sensory overload?" I knew that you could!) But...Happy 2005 to All!...and more to come including tons of photos.
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