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Blogroll Me!
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
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wishlist and mailing address
Saturday, February 12, 2005
And Really, Why Am I Surprised Anymore?
I'm having a bad You'll never guess what happened in the parking lot walking into the pet store to get cat food. The tooth on my right side bottom that developed a crack about two plus years ago broke. Yup. Pieces of crunchy tooth came away in my mouth. For the last several days everything has tasted like ass. Metallic taste in my mouth no matter what I do. Well, now I know why. About twenty years ago, I had a filling put in the tooth. I was like seven. It was my first one (of two now) and I had just moved to Florida. No problems, right? Until like two and change years ago when I noticed a crack in the tooth. I've basically babied that side, eating minimally and not hard things on that side because hell if I had the cash to fix it. And especially with no insurance. Well, today, the option to not fix it is no longer an option. A small piece is missing in the front of the tooth. You look at it and see 3 1/2 sides of tooth, filling and a hole. Nice. Anyone have a fucking clue how I'm supposed to afford to get this fixed? I need this like I need a hole in the head. (Which, Love pointed out is pretty much exactly what I have.) It's going to be hundreds of dollars to have it built back up and possibly capped. Joy of fucking joy. If it wasn't already abundantly clear, I don't have hundreds of dollars. I don't even have tens of dollars. Welcome to the wonderful, perpetual world of total fucking suck that is my goddamned life.
Jewelry Updates
As promised, I've updated PhoenixFire Designs. There's new bracelets, a new memory wire necklace and an entirely new catagory - earrings!  Beautiful Swarovski Crystal Earrings  Snowflake Obsidian Bracelet  Red Goldstone Bracelet (now in stock!) I also completely redid the horn section. Now it's broken up into simple devil or imp horns, twisty horn styles, and curly, satyr and bolder styles. I've also added more images and more available.  Sparkly red devil horns  Twisty blue faux stone horns  HUGE satyr/ram horns So, anyway, lots of work. Please take a look. (Buying is even better. *chuckles*) Thoughts - and commissions - always welcome.
Friday, February 11, 2005
Nothing to Say
Not much to talk about. Haven't worked on the pc yet 'cause I need Love's help and well, we just haven't done it. Bah. Made a few more jewelry items, mainly to replace ones that have sold or variations on ones that have sold. (Materials are often limited and I can't always make more of a piece. Though sometimes I try to make a similar style if it's a popular item.) I'll work on updating the site soon. We picked up a used copy of Hunter: The Reckoning on Gabecube after beating the super fun X-Men Legends...but I think it's ass. I don't like it at all. :( Um...my iPod interview was on the local Fox news Wednesday night (and apparently Thursday morning again). Everyone was excited, I was nervous but the general opinion was I did really good. Heh. I was in it quite a bit. So yeah, funny seeing yourself on tv. Still not feeling well. Totally run down and I don't know why. Achey and just unwell. Stinks. Don't know why or what to do about it either. And...that's about it. Honestly, there hasn't been much worth writing about the last few days. Just kinda ho-hum. And bummed out. Did I mention bummed out? (Or does that just go without saying?) Oh well. Yup, that's about it. Out.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Step One
Ok, the cable's back on. The depths of their bullshit astounds me. We went through this big problem with them like a week ago where the guy turned it off even though I paid, then it took three days for them to decide to come back out and turn it on. So. We paid the amount they told us to pay. Yesterday, they came out and turned it off again. They said we didn't pay enough last week. And because we didn't pay enough - despite, of course, that it was the amount they told us to pay - they wanted us to pay not only the difference they said we didn't pay last time but, penalties and an entire additional month as well. Because we paid the amount they told us to but which they now say wasn't enough. *sigh* The kicker? The bill that informed us there was this leftover amount showed up YESTERDAY EVENING. (We're last on the mail run so our mail comes about 6pm) Yeah, AFTER they came out and turned it off and basically scolded us for not somehow knowing this amount, the bill shows up. Oh, and the bill itself? Didn't say word one about it being past due, or notices about the outstanding nature of the account, nor anything about disconnection. In fact, it said nothing at all. Just the amount like a normal bill. So then, Love had to argue with them on the phone yesterday. Finally, after telling them where they could shove the extra penalties and such (in a nicer way then I could have managed), a supervisor said, ok, pay the leftover amount and call in to tell us it's been paid and we'll turn it right back on. (Thankfully, it was the low-level disconnect where they just stop the signal from the office as opposed to cutting the cord completely here outside the building.) Of course, it didn't turn out that way either. They said they'd have to put in an order, yada yada and it'd be up before the department closed for the evening. Yeah right. Now it's today. Finally, after Love calls - again, we're up to what? three calls in two days? - this morning they've gotten their heads out of their asses and turned it back on. Jeez. It's easier pulling teeth on a pissed off lion, I swear. My pc is still down. Without the net yesterday, I couldn't look for a BIOS update. Hopefully, I can try it tonight. So, if it doesn't work, I'll pretty much know for sure that I need a new motherboard. (Another joy right there...) Going back down to 98SE isn't an option because I had to come up in the first place to XP due to incompatable hardware. We don't have a spare pc - Love took his apart to build me mine which is why he has the really old crappy laptop as his only pc. Formatting isn't an option because I don't have anyway of backing up like 10gigs of stuff that I can't lose on it. And formatting wouldn't help if it turns out there's no compatable BIOS for ACPI. Because I'd still have an incompatable board...empty hardrive or not. So....you can still reach me at memoryanddream@gmail.com since it's easier to check that but I'm at least on my own bandwidth now. Not that the guy I stole it from all day yesterday noticed, it's stronger my own, faster and of course, I don't risk him turning off his router and disappearing unexpectedly. Hopefully, we can update the BIOS and put this crap behind us. If we can't, ugh....I don't want to even think about it. My stomach has been sheer hell this week. I don't think your stomach should feel like it's barely containing a combination of lava and broken glass. Ugh. Of course, Love is such a sweetheart. He brought home roses for me yesterday to cheer me up. They're so pretty. Alright, I think I've bitched and rambled enough for the moment. Just didn't get to update yesterday despite the fact I had a bunch I wanted to say. The stolen net was really unstable. More later.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Oh Fucking Great
Stealing wireless bandwidth at the moment. Cable's been turned off. Even though we just went through this last week with these fuckers. These people are now trying to get us to pay all this extra and in advanced after they failed to tell us how much we had to pay last time, penalizing us for paying the wrong amoung that THEY told us to pay. Fucker fucker fuckers.
My PC's Conflicted
Typing on a small laptop keyboard - I normally type on an erognamatic keyboard - so forgive the horrible typos So...more hours last night looking for solutions. Actually, looking for problems to fix in the first place. The error log now indicates all the crashes are at the fault of "acpi." Which, it turns out is a complicated problem. ACPI is a device management/device power management in XP. When it works, it's useful for being smart power management - like turning off or low power cycling down unused components to save on battery life for example - as well as handling WinXP's smart plug-and-play where it recognizes, finds and installs everything for you (and generally without the having to reboot after everything is found cycle in win 9x versions). Problem is...not every motherboard's BIOS is compatiable. We've been reading up on it and trying things all night last night. Trying to disable the ACPI to let the BIOS assign IRQ's and such rather then the OS, but...it doesn't work for me. My pc won't even boot if we disable the ACPI. So strike that. Next step is to try to update my BIOS. Which I couldn't do last night since I don't have a floppy drive. Love will bring one home from work today to borrow for a night to try that. But, the problem is that even with the newest or updated drivers, it may still not be compatable. Thing is, that no matter what you do, some BIOS simply don't support it. So, if the BIOS update tonight doesn't work, I'm going to have to replace my motherboard with one that does. There's no way of getting around it. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
System Going Down
Love turned on the pc when he came home and it's been up for about ten minutes. Thought I'd toss in a quick post while I can. He's going to take a look at it and see if we can't figure out what the hell is the matter. At this point, I'm afraid it might be either a really shitty virus that's corrupted my OS (and I can't check because I can't get through a virus scan with ANY of four seperate anti-virus software suites I've tried) or...worse, my motherboard is going bad. If it's the motherboard, well, I'm just screwed because I don't have anywhere near the cash to get a new one. If it's that, then I simply don't have a pc. Which, needless to say but I'll say anyway, would blow massive chuncks. No email, no photos, no updates to my jewelry site, no moderating my forums - nothing. Which is total ass. And which is one of the only things I have to keep me entertained during the week here at the apt by myself. I have photos to upload and items to update on my PhoenixFire Designs site but I can't do it. Hell, I haven't even been able to update my iPod for fear it'll crash in mid-update and corrupt everything on it, forcing a reset. So frustrated! It just started happening. Out of nowhere. Before I installed SP2 for XP. Random crashing. Error logs give a memory error. Tried switching out the ram, different sticks, different slots, didn't help. Can't get through a virus scan with McAfee, AVG, Kaspersky - nothing. No spyware, that I was able to run fully with Microsoft's and Spybot. Both came clean. Checked for the Blaster worm since it causes crashing, system came through clean. Upgraded all the security patches, installed SP2 - didn't matter. Just at this point, I've done so many things to track it down...and nothing is helping. It's just getting worse. A fraction of a second of blue screen and then *poof* reboot. In mid typing, in mid-click, or even when it's just standing still. Love does this for a living. He manages five hundred user pc's at his work. And has for six years now. But this damned thing is just beyond all attempts to fix. I should have known when I woke up with a headache that I should have just stayed in bed. Above and beyond it all I just feel run down and run over. Tired, achey and like you feel either before you get sick, or after a long illness. That weak feeling. I need that like I need a hole in the head. At least a hole in the head would mean I wouldn't have to deal with all these damned frustrations! So...if it's the motherboard, well, see you who knows when. Next year maybe? Never? I don't know, not anytime soon that's for sure. If you need to reach me, email my gmail account - memoryanddream@gmail.com - since at least that I can remote check easier then my domain account. Now would be a REALLY good time if anyone wanted to buy some jewelry, horns, or penguins from me. I could use the cash if I ever hope to get the pc working again... (And if you do want something, email me at the gmail account - memoryanddream@gmail.com - to let me know to check the paypal account or to arrange for mailed payment.) It just never ends does it...
PC Really Hosed Now
I was minding my own business when the pc crashed. Nothing new there. *sighs* What was new is that when it rebooted, it crashed during reboot and rebooted again. Got to the XP login screen and logged in and it immediately crashed again. I just turned it off. Clearly it doesn't want to be on at all for some reason. Dammit. So, for the moment, I'm out of practical contact. I'm typing this using Love's laptop that really isn't much of a laptop. It's only a P266 and barely handles web browsing. Oh well. Just wanted to give everyone a head's up that for the moment, I'm basically away. I can't really get my email or anything. Bah. Guess I needed to draft a letter to the PC Gods afterall.
Ho Hum
Really just haven't had anything to say. I've been feeling very down; very supressed almost. Achey a little. Just not quite to standards, you know? Nothing much to say. Nothing much going on. Just a sense of blah sameness. And at the same time, it feels like there's this looming...something. Like the way you feel the building of a storm. The charge in the air; the pressure changing - almost smothering you with it's intensity. There's a flutter of butterfly wings on the edges of my sight and a sensation of fluttery expectation. Of course, what exactly is causing this feeling is utterly unknown to me. It feels almost like I could miss it too if I weren't looking for it. The way you can sleep through a terrible storm that would otherwise capture all of your attention. Anyway, so nothing to say. Just something coming and I don't know what it could be.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
An Open Letter
Dear Universe:
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