28 year old
Pagan female who lives in Florida with her guy and two cats,
loves Disney, reads fanatically, tinkers in photography and
believes growing up is overrated.
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do
with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
Tooth
Drive:
I need to
raise over $850 for critically needed dental
work. I'll be listing my hand made
jewelry, bracelets,
earrings, necklaces and horns
for sale to try to raise the desperately needed funds.
Every order helps. I can accept paypal payments at
webmaster@giveneyestosee.com
or check/money orders at:
M. Turner
PO Box 1484, Elfers, FL 34684
Thank you for your help and support.
I've also set
up a
tooth fund for anyone
wanted to donate without purchase.
Need a
good webhost?
Try
DreamHost. Use
my linkI'll get a
referal credit which goes straight into the Tooth Fund
as well.
M Recommends - FlashChat Just a quick entry. I've had such a positive experience with this I had to share. FlashChat is a truly amazing chat program you can easily install on your website (requires php and mysql but most hosts should have no problems with the requirements.) It's a whopping $5. And it's more then worth every penny. You can even integrate it into your message board or CMS. For example, Embracing Mystery forum uses phpBB (another great bit of software that's free) and I was able to easily integrate the FlashChat to display things like "who's in chat?" right on the main page of the forum. It also links to the user logins for the forum, so people who are logged in to the forum, are automatically logged in to the chat as well.
With different colors, options, sounds, themes, styles and even the ability to get into more detailed customization if you know php, this chat is an amazing bit of software. I've been looking for a chat program to install on my domain for awhile but most options run literally hundreds of dollars in usage fees a year. I've searched and tried out about a dozen remotely hosted chats as well and they all were extremely limited in scope and options.
If you have a website and you were looking for an all-around amazing chat client, I highly recommend you take a look at FlashChat. I don't get anything for referring you; I just want to pass along a great find. The same guy has a bunch of other scripts like galleries and even a forum. You might want to check it out. I don't know anything about the other scripts, but if they're anywhere as good as the FlashChat, they're bound to be damned good.
(Registered members of the EM forum are more then welcome to join us at any time in chat here. If you're not registered, by all means, come on by. It's free.)
Friday It's Friday. It's also my last day at the temp job. The one lady is coming back on Tuesday so my eight-day-turned-five week stint is over at noon. And this morning of all mornings it was damned hard to get out of bed. But I couldn't very well miss my last day.
I'm having the odd sleep problem again. The weird dreams that aren't normal. They're not nightmares but they're also not right somehow. They look and feel and just play differently and I feel like when I'm in them, I'm stuck in this web or something. I feel like someone's pushing my head under water. I wake up and it's still clinging to me; like it's trying to drag me back into it. 2:30am I woke up from one of these dreams. It was really normal in content and there wasn't anything scary about it but I felt like I'd been struggling for hours to get out of it. And when I woke up, I had that same sensation of shakiness; jittery feeling just under the surface of my skin. If I didn't know better, I'd swear I'd have taken too much claritin or something; that same mediciney/caffine buzzy feeling you get. I didn't have any caffine yesterday and I didn't take any clairiton, asprin or anything.
I don't even have words to explain why it feels so weird and disturbing to me. It just feels unnatural. It feels invasive. It feels sticky and clingy and a bunch of other adjectives that mean the same thing. And that jittery feeling I get is almost painful in it's strength. I mean I don't literally tremble, but it feels like I do right under the surface of my skin and in my bones. I don't know how to explain it. I just know it stinks and nights like last night leave me utterly unrested.
I was able to get back to sleep later on in the night and sleep normally And the difference is all the more noticable when I do. Falling alseep normally feels like sinking into a warm, soft pillow or something. But those dreams don't feel anything like that. They feel so foreign and wrong. I could understand if I were just having nightmares but there's nothing "bad" about them.
Anyway...when I go home today I'm going to lay down for a little bit. Maybe rest and hope I get some more comfortable sleep in. I also hope that moving forward, if I get back on my more normal sleep schedule, this problem will go away. If not, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so tired all the time and yet I'm almost afraid of going to sleep. I just don't want to feel that way ever again.
So an hour and a half to go and I'm done for now. I'll be back in November to cover for a vacation around Thanksgiving, but sadly, this is the end of the desperately needed extra income for the time being. :(
Blingo Winner! Remember the other day I was telling you guys about Blingo? Well, I just won! One of my blingo friends won a movie ticket and so I got it as well! Yeah!
THIS is my invitation. Click the link, register an account and then just use it like you would google. It's uses google for it's search engine so it's just the same as going to google.com - except you can randomly win!
If you sign up, then you can invite your friends. And if your friend wins, you do as well! Whoo hoo!
So sign up and use it throughout the day and you might help us both win!
Funny, It Still Feels Like Monday It's technically Wednesday of course, but it feels like my Monday. Because the real Monday I spent still recovering from food poisioning over the weekend. And yesterday, I couldn't get in here to my temp job because I didn't have a ride. (My friend Rand gets me because he has to pass my apartment to get to here anyway but yesterday he had to drive out to a client site and thus, I couldn't get here.)
Which makes this my first day in this week. It sucks because it's one thing to miss one morning (a whopping $35) but once it's two days, hey, that's $70. And that's a lot of cash to me. I guess the one lady who's husband had surgery way back the first week of August is coming back on Tuesday, so this should be my last week, so it's $70 I won't have a chance to get back.
Part of me is happy to be done. I'm so tired and the schedule is stupidly hard on my body. The other part of me realizes this is a hell of an easy gig and I'm unlikely to find something so convienent or so well paying. Everything else would be retail ($6 and change and hour) and would require that I have a car (something we clearly know I don't.) The extra money this month has helped a lot. We needed it to help with last month's car repairs. And we have one other thing we still have to fix - the very important tie rod which connects the steering wheel to the controls. It's getting ready to go and when it does, it means you lose complete control of the car. It's going to be another couple hundred bucks but now I'm not sure we're going to have the money any time soon since I won't be getting checks anymore.
Slept like crap again last night so I'm tired this morning. I kept having these weird, disturbing dreams. Not that the dreams themselves were nightmares or anything, but they felt weird and they jumbled and they didn't come across the way my normal dreams do. Normally, it's very vivid colors and this was like over-exposed and all harsh light and grainy texture. I don't even really remember what they were about but they were odd and I want to say unnatural for me. I also kept waking up with that feeling like you're medicated; like you took something and it's made you all jittery sorta; like all buzzy under your skin? It grates on you and it almost hurts. But I didn't take anything nor was I caffinated or anything. It just was there and uncomfortable and man, made for a long and restless night.
A Tale of Two Stories What a crappy weekend. It was supposed to be good but didn't work out that way. The story started with a horrible movie - The Brother's Grimm - and finished with a horrible sickness.
Saturday night we went to see Brother's Grimm. It looked amazingly cool in the previews; all dark fairy tale and magic. It was, instead, a formless pile of stinky excrement with horrible camera work and stupid, animal cruely trying to pass off as crude humor.
First off, the premise and the idea was extremely interesting. It really was. And the blending of all sorts of old Grimm tales had such potential. But, it's execution was horrific. The cameras were on crack; constantly blurring, shaking (in a pathetic attempt to display motion which only translates into puke cam and the inabilty to see what's going on), bad cutting, bad lightning and horrific muddiness of it all just made it actually painful to watch.
Secondly, it had needless animal cruelty in it under the guise of crude and sick humor. For example. There is a scene where they are torturing the brothers because the French general doesn't believe the superstitious claims. At one point a small, fluffy kitten walks by. The general's toadie is startled by the kitten and kicks it into the air - directly into the awaiting spinning blades above. If that weren't enough, it splatters into pieces and one chunk (literally) hits the general in the face. At which point he THEN proceeds to pick it off his face and eats it.
What the fuck is the point of that? Absolutely nothing. I was so disgusted by this I was literally ready to leave the theater. I didn't want to watch a moment more of it. Unfortunately, I was with Love and my friend Rand and I did not have the option of leaving. I did get up and went to the ladies room for ten minutes, fuming over this absurdly stupid teenaged boy vulgarity.
Yes, it was fake. Yes, it's a movie. There's so many sick fucks out there that get caught up on those two concepts that they fail to see it's still wrong to put something like that in a movie for nothing more then a chuckle. It's not funny. And I'm digusted that people continually use cats in movies as the "funny" way to torture an animal. It is revolting that it's not only tolerated, but accepted as a humor. Had it been a small child walking by who got sliced up, people would be up in arms. Hell, if it were a dog people wouldn't think it's funny. But somehow, it's ok for people to use cats as sicks jokes in cruel scenes of abuse and sick torture.
The biggest issue for me is that the scene had literally no merit. It did nothing to advance the plot, and was not part of the darker, more bloddy origins of the Grimm's stories. Other scenes which were actually part of the fairy tales themselves which contained some gore or violence may not have been pleasant but they at least served a purpose. You already knew the general was a ruthless asshole. That had been established. You already knew the French were capable of torture. That had been shown. You already knew they didn't care about anything but their own agenda. Seen it. So to include this scene (among a handful of others including lightning two horse's asses on fire) was nothing more then animal cruely for the sake of animal cruelty. It wasn't comical, it was just disgusting.
By the end of the movie, I was developing a horrible stabbing pain in my head - like waves of migraine pain that hit me so hard I'd almost fall out of my seat and then fade out only to repeat. (Think ice pick through your temple.) By the time I got home, I was also extremely sick to my stomach and started to puke, but just not quite all the way. I ate some saltines and drank some ginger ale and sat there in serious pain.
I finally dragged myself to bed and tossed and turned. My stomach was in absolute agony. I was in so much pain, I couldn't sleep but I couldn't stay conscious either. Around 3:30am, I woke up to try to use the restroom. I'd already taken pepto, rolaids and some imodium (in stages over a few hours) in an attempt to make even some the horrific pain cease. Nothing was helping. Instead, I violently threw up. The popcorn I ate at the theater was, I think, rancid. I was so sick that by the time I was done, by entire body was shaking so hard I couldn't walk straight. I broke out in a fever and chills and passed out about 15 minutes later.
Sunday, I felt a little better though by no means back to normal. We ran some errands and as the day went on, I began to feel more and more ill to my stomach again. More rolaids, more pepto and it just wasn't getting better. I ended up being in and out of the bathroom all night (thankfully not throwing up again) and failed to get any sleep. I'm still having pain in my stomach even now and I can only guess that my stomach is taking longer bounce back from the food poisioning then I was hoping. So I missed work today because I was up being sick all night again last night. It's still very badly unsettled and I just feel so...ill. I just hope it passes soon. Two days of it has been more then enough.
Anyway, that's the two stories this weekend. I urge you NOT to go see Brother's Grimm. It's a poorly executed movie with needless animal cruelty. I also recommend you avoid the popcorn if you do go see a movie in general. I didn't know that the fake butter stuff could spoil. I didn't think there was anything naturally based within it. I hope everyone in Katrina's path is safe and comes through this intact. And I hope everyone else had a better weekend then I did.
One of my blingo friends won a movie ticket and so I got it as well! Yeah!