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There are people on the net that have nothing better to do with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
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Thursday, May 04, 2006
Thursday At Work
So I barely made it in this morning. Jeez. My stomach is improved from how it's been but I woke up very urpy. Felt like I was going to be sick and I didn't know why. I did get off to a bit of a late start though. I just couldn't get moving. You know after you've been really sick how exhausted and fatigued you get? How you feel even more worn out then you did despite being on the track to getting better? Yeah, that was me this morning. (Still actually.) I'm just really slow, tired and overall achey. Didn't take a shower before bed last night so I had to this morning which of course I don't have enough time for ever. Add in being slow and plodding and well...you see why I was running late. All things considered, it wasn't too bad. I managed to get in about 40 minutes late. Which sounds like a lot I guess but it's better then (a) coming in at 1pm or (b) not making it out of bed at all. Heh. Now I've just been sitting here, zoning out, trying not to fall asleep at my desk. Is it wrong that I had to refer back to my entry from Monday to remember what my hours were for the day? I was trying to fill out my timesheet and I could not remember for anything. This week really has screwed with my already fragile sense of time. I swear, Monday feels like three or four weeks ago. It seems so vauge and far in the past. Nothing like being sick to really distort things though, hu? *yawn* Man I am so beat. Tomorrow I'm not here either because I have a pre-arranged appointment at the health department. Nothing interesting, just getting the rest of the refill on my Pill. It's quite a drive though and you always end up sitting there for hours and hours and hours. Even when you only have to pick up something. It sucks but what are you going to do? It's the one and only medical service I can get from the county/state, and I need it, so I deal. Getting a year's worth of prescription is around $500 alone not including the doctor visits and such so while I dread having to spend hours in a waiting room, it's still better then the alternative. Poor Love has to work this weekend. His company is finalizing their move. Which really sucks. Currently, his office is about 10 miles one-way from our apartment. It's moving to well over an hour drive in commuter traffic away. Which is really a serious issue. Our car barely runs. And when I say barely, I mean it has no brakes, no steering, the cv joint is shot to hell, and is held together by sheer spite at this point. It'll never in a million years be able to handle the new commute. I mean, not even close. Especially in stop-go traffic where it overheats. We've been trying to get a loan approval for a car for about six months no - zero luck. Nada. I mean, what does a person have to do to get a loan for a necessity like a car?? *sighs* So I'm dreading this weekend not only because poor Love's going to be miserable and exhausted from working seven days this week, but it means the move is done and he's going to wind up on the side of the road in a matter of days. (sans cell phone I might add because we don't have one.) It's our only vehicle and we're going to be majorly fucked when it breaks down. (And with the new commute, it's a matter of when and not if.) Anyway...bah. Then my birthday's coming up - getting close, jeez - and I'd like to go away and do something but I can't imagine we'll have the cash or resources to do it. Especially since in order to drive further then the supermarket we need to borrow or rent a car. Guess I just kinda have the blahs. I'm worn out from being sick, I'm kinda frustrated with everything in general and I kinda just want to lay down and sleep for awhile and not have to deal with, or think about anything really. Jeez. Downer entry. Sorry. There's been a lot of them lately.
~ sweet smelling daffodils :: miss m ::
at 5/04/2006 01:16:00 PM ~
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Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Lost
Holy crap! I have a ton of info/spoilers on the phone number, the commerical, the website, the password and the hidden messages so far on my livejournal HERE. If you don't want to know, don't click! Edit Ok, forget it! This is what you want if you want every single bit of it: http://experience-lost.blogspot.com/ Don't visit if you don't want to know.
~ sweet smelling daffodils :: miss m ::
at 5/03/2006 11:21:00 PM ~
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The Longest 36 Hours
It's amazing how a day and a half can feel like a lifetime. Normally, something in the vacinity of 36 hours blows by without you really noticing. But when you're dealing with being horrifically sick - the kind of sick that means stomach flu or food posioning - those 36 hours are infinity. Monday night my stomach got bad. I thought it was just a flare-up; my stomach just falling into an exceptionally bad spell. It happens. But all that night I was in agony. I took off Tuesday thinking I'd recoup and feel better. But Tuesday just brought more of the same. I couldn't eat, I couldn't keep anything down, I felt physically exhausted and my stomach was hell. Last night, it didn't get any better. I couldn't even sleep for how bad it hurt. I took pepto and tums and imodium and nothing helped. The plan was to get in for the afternoon today but this morning I've still been stuck, sick, my hours spent in and out of the bathroom. So here is it Wednesday afternoon and I missed yesterday and I'm missing today. The pain in my stomach is ever present and though it is just barely less then it's been, it's still bad enough to find me doubled over on the couch, dreading the next onslaught. Gods I hope this stops soon. This pain is just unbearable and so unyeilding. I don't know what happened, I just know I want it to end.
~ sweet smelling daffodils :: miss m ::
at 5/03/2006 02:11:00 PM ~
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Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Photo Updates
Just a few things to update via photos. Last Friday my Romance Bedding set arrived. My mom got it for me as a birthday present and I ordered it from an ebay seller since it was really cheap there. It arrived just perfect and exactly as described but...it's really different from what I was expecting. It's not bad, it's just not what I thought it was going to be. The colors online are entirely different from in person. And I can't blame the seller since the picture on the packaging is the same as what I've seen online. She didn't misrepresent it or anything, it's just wholly different from the official pictures from the company.   The catalog image and the one on the packaging is on the left. The real colors are on the right. I was expecting a little more golden color but it's actually this really reddish/orange sort of color.  Mika starting attacking the beading on it immediately. I do like it. I just wish I would have had a better idea of the color. It's just much darker then I was anticipating. Still though, it's extremely rich looking. (Should be, it has hand-embroidery, beading and materials like velvet and organza and retailed originally for around $300.) It just looks more...like Moroccan then what I was expecting. I also did another quilling project. This was my third attempt. It's much more complicated then the first two which were single flowers. I'm discovering however, that it's nearly impossible to photograph it well or properly. I did this one on a patterned paper and I think I'll use it on a card or something. I want to work on a project on a picture frame mat next for my mom for Mother's Day.  It's really fun though. This one took me about, oh...maybe an hour, hour and a half to do. It's not hard really, just small detail work. Each part of each flower and each leaf is a seperate piece. So on this one for example, it's 37 seperately made pieces not including the vines. Then they're all laid out - the hardest part actually! - and assembled to make one, cohesive image. I started a new page with my quilling work so far including close-ups of this third project. You can find it here. Anyway, that's it for now. Just wanted to get some photos uploaded. Don't feel like writing another depressing entry about my continuing migraine issues so I won't. Out for now.
~ sweet smelling daffodils :: miss m ::
at 5/02/2006 07:16:00 PM ~
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Monday, May 01, 2006
Another Monday
It is Monday again though I freely admit, I have seemingly lost the tenious thread to the days that I had achieved. I don't know what day it seems but I can't say it feels like Monday per se. The last eight or nine days have gone in swirl of similarity from the near continual migraines I've been dealing with. Let me back up and attempt to clarify. For I already feel my words getting needlessly complex. It is, unfortunately, an effect of being of a pained mind and distracted with diaphanous thoughts for so long. One can track my state by merely refercing my written thoughts; how they are presented and in which tone and voice they are given. Odd that. It is as much my voice as the more casual one I normally pen, and yet, it is wholly different, sounding almost another person entirely. Though when I am in this frame of mind, it feels as natural to turn a phrase the way I do; it does not appear to be much changed from the norm. In any event, it's been a hard week which carried on through the weekend. Friday saw me again with a migraine. One so intense that a mere 3 hours after coming to work, I had to go home in agony, fearing for my ability to drive myself the handful of miles. My migraines have been joined by visual distortions and bad disruptions lately. The "migraine with aura" sometimes called, "classic migraine." Normally, while light and changes in light will cause blurs and afterimages in my vision, it is not with such intensity and not with such consistancy. It's left me badly distracted and wholly disconnected from following any train of thought for any amount of time. I went home Friday and passed out into dreamless sleep. When I woke, the beast of my migraine was slightly reduced, though in no way gone. My comforter set - the gift from my mother for my birthday - had arrived. I have photos to share later and I shall get into the details then. Friday night, as the few hours since my nap lengthened, so too did the intensitiy of my migraine. Bear in mind this is after having dealt with it coming back, like an endless wave crashing on a shore the whole week long. It has not been so bad in months. Perhaps a year even. I went to bed Friday in agony yet again. Saturday I awoke with the migraine having receeded, so we ran our errands while we could. As the afternoon creeped on, closer and closer to the surface did it return yet again. Bear in mind, that when I feel one coming on, two excedrin will help nip it in the bud. Combined with a night's sleep, it will break and I'll be free of it entirely. Not so this migraine. Friday the excedrin did nothing. Saturday nothing either. We went to get some dinner and I took a single bite and was repulsed. The very thought of eating the otherwise delicious burger was physically revolting to me. I sat there, trying painfully hard not to be ill by the very smell of it. We went home, watched the Lightning be eliminated from the Stanley Cup Playoffs and I again went to bed with severe pain. Sunday...these days all blur together for me. Ah, Sunday, we had a small exchange to make from Saturday's errands and the migraine came on even earlier. It also lasted longer, not releasing me even unto sleep last night. I have done everything I know to help aleviate the symptoms; everything I know to help break the attack, but nothing is working. Love's alarm went off this morning and I knew I was not yet ready to face waking up, so I called and let message I'd be for the afternoon instead. It's really a minor difference. Instead of coming in at 10am, then leaving for lunch from 1:30-2:30pm, I merely come in around 1pm (when my friend Rand is returning from his own lunch and can swing by on the way back and pick me up) and stay through until 5:30pm. It is merely two hours less then starting the morning shift. I lapsed back asleep and slept hard for several more hours. When I got up this morning, it felt better then it had for well over a week. Only, again, as it's been day after day after day, as the day lengthens, so does the migraine. Already I feel the horrific pain and stiffness in my neck and my vision is filled with after-images and oddities. I find my mind drifting and feeling myself daze. A symptom for me of my attacks is always a sense of disconnect. A blurring of my thoughts and the inability to focus enough even for a minor convesation or completion of thought I do not know what is wrong. Short of starting an omega-3 suppliment a week ago, nothing has changed. (And everything I have read says omega-3's if anything, should lessen migrained due to their anti-inflamatory properties!) Last week's attack(s) I would chalk up to an exceptionally bad period-triggered hormonal flux, but it has not been this bad in months. Nor has it lasted past the cycle and into the next week. It was not uncommon previously for me to deal with 3 or 4 days at the start of the cycle to endure the migraine, but then I started taking feverfew which narrowed it down to a day or two of less intense, lower-grade attack(s). Never in recent history has it lasted past the week and into the next, let alone for so many days and without fully breaking. I honestly feel as though I am losing part of my mind at this point. In a very real sense of damage being done. I am aware of the disconnect and the fuzziness to my thoughts but though some small part of me worries, I find it is too much to think about - along with most everything else. I feel like I am drifting in and out of true lucidity. A moment here, a moment there but they are isolated and not connected nor continous. This more then anything is my biggest concern. The pain sucks to be sure, and I have cried several nights over a desire for it to cease, but this being spacey is just so unnatural. All I want is to go home and sleep. Right now I glance at the clock or the items I need to enter and it is more then I can do. The phone rings and I barely remember what I am to do or say. Someone asks for a name and I know their extension and yet I find myself referring to the list, which then I can barely read. It all looks the same to me and my eyes don't wish to find definition between the names. I am tired. So very tired. And I just want to rest and wake up myself again. (And I've been trying to get blogger to publish this for
~ sweet smelling daffodils :: miss m ::
at 5/01/2006 03:19:00 PM ~
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Sunday, April 30, 2006
Sunday Night?
Jeez. I've been meaning to write an entry since Friday. Clearly that hasn't worked out. Migraines non-stop again and I don't know why or what to do about it. I'll try to update with a catch-up entry tomorrow. I'm supposed to be back in at the temp job but jeez....my head isn't giving me an inch of slack. (And suddenly, excedrin isn't doing a single thing. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. It'slike taking sugar pills.) Anyway...I'll try to sort through an update then.
~ sweet smelling daffodils :: miss m ::
at 4/30/2006 11:36:00 PM ~
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