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There are people on the net that have nothing better to do with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
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Friday, July 07, 2006
Fuck - Update
Just got home. Several hours, frantic driving and a $5 tip later, AAA showed up and discovered the alternator wire was the problem. The battery is fine (thank the gods) as is the brand-new (1 week old) alternator (thank the gods again.) We were able to drive it home and the battery has recharged back to normal. We live to drive another day. (At least one or two anyway.) Now don't mind me while I go shower and try to work out the mass of emotional whirlwind this day has caused. I've already cried, gotten shakey, been sick to my stomach and now I think I'm going to crash. Stress and I don't get along very well. Physically it's hell on an already fragile system. Hope everyone's Friday is going better then mine.
~ from the beach near
:: miss m ::
at 7/07/2006 03:49:00 PM ~
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FUCK
Love's stuck on the side of the road right now. I'm heading down there with my friend Rand's car as soon as he gets here - 40 fucking minutes away. I just don't even have fucking words for any of this anymore.
~ from the beach near
:: miss m ::
at 7/07/2006 12:58:00 PM ~
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Notice of LJ Post
Just a head's up. There's a rant on overpriced jewelry sellers over on my livejournal that I'm not going to bother reposting here. It has images in it and I don't want to deal with them on my journal page here. It's open for public viewing though, so feel free to read if interested.
~ from the beach near
:: miss m ::
at 7/07/2006 12:51:00 AM ~
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Thursday, July 06, 2006
(Not So) Inner Geek
I know this confirms my geekdom, but I saw it the other day in walmart. I'd actually enjoy the Star Trek Fan Collective - Q. Yes, I know. It's Star Trek. Got a problem with that?  I really loved the Q character and John De Lancie was just too perfect in the role. I always enjoyed his appearances and I really wouldn't mind having them all together like that. I've seen the different series too much to buy all the seasonal boxed sets (not to mention the price!) but this would be fun. I added it to my wishlist just for the hell of it.Let the Oh-my-gods-M-is-a-geek! commentary begin. 
~ from the beach near
:: miss m ::
at 7/06/2006 03:27:00 PM ~
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Wednesday, July 05, 2006
When It's A Bad Day (A Look at the Daily Challenges of Chronic Illness)
I deal with chronic health concerns. Meaning, there are variations in the intensity, pain, fatigue and ability of what I can accomplish each day. This prevents me from holding down a "normal" job and it also means I never know what any one day will bring. Some days are good, some days are not. Some days are agony. Because I am unable to work, I don't have insurance. I haven't been to a doctor in probably five years or so (exluding two trips to get antibiotics that were a formality before I could get the prescription.) The state of Florida doesn't offer anything in the way of health care excluding woman's annual unless it's for a child. If you happen to be a woman without kids, you're out of luck. From everything I've researched, were I able to see a doctor and afford testing and research, it'd most likely be given a stamp of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and/or Fibromyalgia. Both of these are legitimate, physical conditions. They're not "in your head" and they're not psychological in origin. The underlying causes of each are not entirely understood and there's no simple test to confirm a diagnosis. I deal with varrying levels of fatigue on a daily basis. A good day, I can run errands, and get stuff done. I may feel a little weak or need to sit while I'm out, but it's manageable. A bad day is hard to put into words. I ache. My entire body hurts. My joints are sore. My muscles tremble. I'm shaky. I feel faint, dizzy and/or disoriented. I feel short of breath. Many times I can't keep focus on anything or I feel "fuzzy" in my thinking. Often times, I have a hard time getting out sentences. It becomes difficult for me to hold a conversation because there's lag and delay in processing what was said and how to reply back properly. Some bad days come with digestive issues and stomach pain, though those happen frequently without the fatigue. (Irritable Bowel Syndrome {IBS}) Some bad days come with a migraine though again, I also get migraines on their own. A bad day sees me struggling to hold my eyes open; fighting to stay awake no matter how much sleep I got the night before. Sometimes I doze off without meaning to or realizing, only knowing I did when I wake up and see the time that's past. Sometimes I have to give in and lay down for a nap because it's so bad I can't function. My normal day starts with me waking up, turning on my computer and slowly easing into my day. I need this time to get myself going. It's impossible for me to jump right into getting ready in the morning. I can't wake up suddenly or too quickly, else I'll get nauseous, ill and badly dizzy. If it's a bad day, I can tell pretty quickly. My arm, wrist and fingers hurt and I can't get comfortable at my keyboard no matter how I sit or how I prop my arm. I already use very ergonomic input devices out of neccessity, but somedays, that's not enough. Right now, both my elbows are burning and my fingers feel extremely stiff and sore. My neck has been especially bad the last week or so, causing radiating pain in my shoulder, back and arm. (My neck is a side issue, a result from damage done to me at birth, causing my neck to form improperly which went unnoticed until I was around 13.) I fidgit, I tilt my neck side-to-side, I stretch and I open and close my hands to try to work through the stiff, achy pain. On bad days, it hurts to move and it exhausts me, but if I don't move at least a little, I feel like I seize up. Which hurts more. Bad days feel like two weeks into the worst flu of your life. When everything is just hard. It's all so much of a struggle. You ache. You're bone-weary with fatigue. Your body is against you and everything is off with the world and your place within it. Today I woke up and realized it wasn't going to be a good day. I struggled to shower and get ready because I needed to borrow my friend's car so that I can drive 45 minutes down to Love's work and get him this afternoon. He had borrowed a company car when ours was down and now he needs a ride home since he had to turn the car in. Bad days make me want to cry with frustration. Because when you're in the shower and you're so tired you're in pain, knowing you HAVE to function on a timeframe and you HAVE to get a certain number of things done, it's agony. You physically (and therefore emotionally) can't do it but you don't have a choice. I know I look fine. I know I look normal. I know it's hard to understand being 29 and having such problems. I understand that it's not something which makes sense; that it can seem minor or ordinary, or worse, perhaps just melodramatic and exaggeratory. But it's a sad fact of life for millions of people in the world. I don't even have the worst of it, either. I know people who are worse. (My mother for example, with her RA and Lupus. She struggles far more then I do. Which is heartbreaking, since I know how hard it is for me - I can't imagine how hard it must be for her.) And though there aren't words exactly to express what it's like, perhaps this will help someone understand just a little bit more. When I'm slow to respond to something; when it takes me awhile to get something done; when I don't jump to fix a problem or intervene in an issue - this is why. There's only so much I can do, only so much I have to give and I never know what day I can force myself to do it and what day I can't. Today is a bad day. But I wanted to get it out anyway in the hopes of helping someone understand. I'm going to lay down for awhile now before I have to leave to pick up Love. As always, the thought scares me. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I don't have it in me, but I don't have a choice. So, I'll hope a combination of luck and fate will get me there like it normally does. Sometimes it's all you can do.
~ from the beach near
:: miss m ::
at 7/05/2006 02:17:00 PM ~
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Monday, July 03, 2006
It's A Bird, It's a Plane, It's an Entry!
Here it is almost Tuesday and I haven't eve gotten around to recapping my weekend. Jeez. It's too easy for several days to go by without realizing it and just not update. Friday of course I was busy getting the car's alternator repaired.  Saturday we were going to go see Superman Returns but I wanted desperately to get my hair cut. It's been months and months and months since it's been cut and I'd been seriously depressed at how bad it was and how sick I was of it just looking like absolute crap. One thing after another kept me from getting it done and, dammit, I just couldn't take it anymore. Hit the mall thinking I'd get it done quickly and then we'd head to the movies, but the "15 minute" wait turned into about 45 minutes then the cut itself. Jeez. Needless to say, it took the whole afternoon basically, but it's so much healthier, even and manageable now. He took a few inches off and I'm so happy it's actually looking like hair now and not some small rodent's den. After that, we ended up picking up foodstuff for my famous lasagne which I was planning on making for Sunday. (Since, by that point, dinner wouldn't be ready until closer to 8pm.) We watched Ultraviolet on dvd. Boy, that was a stinker! We sat through it all, but it just was all special effects and no plot. Really just bad. It's a quasi-vampire movie (which I didn't know from the previews) but that really didn't save it. Blah. Unless you're bored at 3am and it comes on HBO, really, don't bother. Late Saturday night, I went ahead and made the lasagne so it'd be ready for us to eat Sunday after the movie. Came out delicious as usual! Sunday we finally made it out to our wonderful Theater of Hidden Gold to see Superman Returns. I call it such because while it's $10 a ticket, it's a 21+ only theater with big, oversized leather seats that recline, oversized padded armrests and free popcorn. Best of all, we arrived there 30 minutes before showtime and were the second group in the theater. If I hit the AMC down the road, I'd have to line up one to two hours in advance to get a decent seat AND deal with crappy, noisy kids. By showtime, the theater was 30% full and no one talked or was loud and as always, it was a GREAT theater experience.  So anyway, I liked the movie. It wasn't, you know, Saving Private Ryan or something, but then, jeez....I wasn't expecting it to be. It's a comic book superhero movie. I think some people need to keep things in perspective. It moved along nicely, had great special effects, the sound kicked fucking ass (it was intense, feel-the-booms-and-thumps kind of sound that really helped be part of the experience) and overall, it was very Superman. It felt in the same vein to me as the classic movie and I felt Brandon Routh did a good job in the role. Clark wasn't around much, but the movie isn't called "Clark Kent Returns" afterall, so that wasn't a big issue. Kevin Spacey played a good Luthor as well. I was entertained throughout it all and I never felt it got too camp or too serious. It strode both, giving you moments to chuckle. It knew when it was being a silly for the sake of being silly and wasn't trying to hide that. I mean, the bullet crushing as it hit his eye was clearly a purposfully over-the-top moment, but Superman gives a funny arched eyebrown look and you laugh with it, knowing it was meant to be campy. The problems I kept reading in negative reviews, I'm going to be honest, seemed just nit-picky for the sake of being nit-picky. Finding little things and focusing so much on them when they were nothing. And the whole Superman-as-Jesus thing..? Again, it felt like people were really pushing to force a comparasion. Where there a few moments that could be taken that way? Sure, I suppose. But - and maybe it's just because I'm not Christian and I don't see Jesus in everything (nor honestly, does Jesus come to mind pretty much ever) - I thought a lot of it was pushing it. For example, at the end, Superman says something to the effect of "The father becomes the son and the son becomes the father." Yeah...Ok. But, from my Paganistic perspective, that just sounds like the whole Circle of Life thing. You know, the whole turning of the Wheel? Why people think that makes it xtian specifically, I don't know. (Besides perhaps the fact that xtians seem to forget they're not the only religon in the world.  )Anyway, I thought it was good on the big screen and if your theater has a good dts sound system, it's even better. Have some popcorn and just go with it. No serious thinking needed, but that's what it's supposed to be. Fun, summer, high action flick. Monday Poor Love had to work. No four day weekend for him. So I went to Costco with my friend Rand instead to get some food for a BBQ Tuesday. We picked up some ribs and corn on the cob and some super yummy pie, etc. We had some more lasagne for dinner and planned on renting a movie, but there wasn't anything we wanted to see in stock. Tuesday - the 4th We'll just hang locally. Neither Love nor I really like the 4th. I'm going to be honest, it's just not my thing. It just means dealing for hours and hours and hours on end with drunken idiots shooting off fireworks, being loud and obnoxious and generally irritaing everyone nonstop. And going to see a professional show? Ugh. It means going out in the blistering heat of the day (this IS Florida in July afterall!) and sitting around, holding a spot, doing nothing for hours crowded in with thousands of people doing the same waiting for dark. It usually also rains in the afternoon and you end up getting soaked. Or you leave and turns out they launch anyway.  And if you do stay until the fireworks, it's a nothing special show followed by thousands of people leaving, pushing and shoving to get to their cars, making a mess and dealing with traffic jams trying to get home. Bleck. No thanks.So, we'll be lazy. Stroll over to our friend's house (a whopping handful of miles away) and have some food then head back home and veg. I rather lounge around and not do much then deal with heat, drunks and crowds personally. Anyway, that's the recap for now. In less brevity then I planned, but there you go.  Hope everyone had a nice weekend and for those of you in the States, a safe 4th of July.
~ from the beach near
:: miss m ::
at 7/03/2006 11:42:00 PM ~
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