29 year old Pagan
female who lives in Florida with her guy and two cats, loves Disney,
reads fanatically, tinkers in photography and believes growing up is
overrated
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I lost my beloved cat,
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"an autumn wind" ver. 14
originally created 9/28/06 - 9/29/06
and
designed for
1024x768
CSS capable browser
Like
There are people on the net that
have nothing better to do with their time then be nasty to other
people online. They post rude comments, spend hours a day talking
about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a day
talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for
their opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone
to fit into their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw
a temper tantrum.
To these people I say
grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the
web is a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am,
or what I do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my
hair, or whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else.
It's really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and
nasty site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine.
That means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like
it if I'm bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go
somewhere else. Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too
fucking bad, don't read them. Somewhere along the line, someone
forgot this simple fact: Live and let live Don't like me,
cool, fine, whatever, I don't care. This journal is NOT for
you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or fame or anything
stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and express
myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't, it
doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about
it.
*gets off soapbox*
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Saturday, October 07, 2006
Sad and Hurting In a bad mood but I lack the energy to write down the whys. It's all little shit anyway, but it adds up.
My depression is looming too. It's not here exactly; it's waiting in the spaces between the moments; it's in the pause from one thing to another. But it's building. Like some tidal wave surging towards the point where it smashes down and smothers everything in it's path. I feel it and I try to push it aside, but it's growing. I find myself having these crushing fragments of absolute sadness. Where my body aches and trembles under the weight of it. It flashes over me, never fully taking hold but still leaving me on an emotional roller coaster. In those moments I hurt so bad. I want to sob. Then it receeds enough so I can get through that minute; that hour; that day - but only just.
I'm just so very, very sad. And hopeless. I can't foresee anything changing. It's just all the sameness; the constant beating down of life and there's nothing I can do to improve my situation. I'm powerless and hurting all the time and I just can't face knowing it's been this way for years and will continue to be this way forever. Despite what anyone says. Despite the platitudes we all know are bullshit. It is and it's not going to magically change.
So I am in this place of sorrow. Feeling the depression slink through the spaces inbetween, knowing it will find its way to the forefront and suck me down yet again.
Sleepless I was supposed to hang out with my mom today. We were going to try to shop the price on alterations on my bridesmaid dress. David's Bridal wants about $70 to take up the hem and to take up the halter strap. Problem is they also want payment when you drop it off. There's no way in the entire world I can do that. Love won't get paid until the 13th. Until then, we're on fumes. Literally. The wedding is on the 27th. Everyone wants at least two weeks turn-around time to get the job done or the fee goes up - way up - for a "rush" job. We're just running out of time. No one can give us a quote over the phone - they all want to see it to tell us how much it is. So we need to drive around, find a good price and then find someone willing to wait for payment until I pick it up. None of this is an easy prospect.
Well, none of it happened either today. I utterly could not sleep last night. I laid there and my mind was just spinning on overdrive. Every teeny, tiny little detail of everything kept playing through my mind. Not like an overview, but all the absurd, small parts of it. Like, I was thinking at one point how someone's been tossing their cigarette butts in the 3rd floor hallway. But not just that. All jumbled together at the same time, I thought about what it looks like, how I talked to the management office about asking them to put a letter out about the problem, Love coming home yesterday and the letter was on the door, what the letter said and looked like...etc. etc. etc. Every little part of it. And every single subject, idea or situation that came to mind played out the same way. It was a glut of just overload.
I laid there for over an hour unable to shut down my head in the slightest. I slept maybe 2 1/2 hours or so, then Love got up to take a shower at 6am and I couldn't get back to sleep until sometime after 8am. Then I was in the middle of some frustrating dream - they've all been frustrating or upsetting in minor but still agravating ways lately - when a noise from the neighbor woke me up around 9:15am. I laid there again until around 10am when I called my mom and told her we'd have to postpone since I hadn't slept. Tried to sleep some more and maybe managed another 2 hours of broken sleep.
I'm just exhausted. I don't know why it went all so wrong last night.
Anyway, now the plan is to try to find a place to alter the dress on Monday. Sunday is the bridal shower but I can't afford to bring a gift. Feel like a heel. I still need to try to get a gift for the wedding itself. There's just no way I can do both.
Lost premiers tonight so after that, I'm going to try to get to bed early. I desperately need some sleep. I'm so stressed as it is, the lack of sleep is brutal. It's also been a really bad week in terms of pain and fatigue, so I just can't take this ontop of it all - physically or mentally. I'm running on empty and I'm going to crash sooner than later.
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Disney DVDs for Sale I have an extra used-but-like-new copy of Toy Story 2 on dvd. It's this exact release. This release version is now out of print and was discontinued in 2003.
# Format: Anamorphic, Animated, Closed-captioned, Color, Full Screen, NTSC # Language: English # Region: Region 1 (U.S. and Canada only. Read more about DVD formats.) # Aspect Ratio: 1.77:1 # Number of discs: 1 # DVD Features: * Available Audio Tracks: English (Dolby Digital 5.1) * Academy Award - Nominated Short: Luxo Jr. * Hilarious Outakes
The disk is flawless. I only watched it once. I have the full case and menu insert. They're flawless too.
Asking $8 + $2 shipping.
I also have the Limited Edition version of Lady and the Tramp on dvd. It too is used but like-new. The disk is flawless as is the case and I do have the menu insert for it as well. This version release was discontinued in January 2001.
# Language: English, French, Spanish # Region: Region 1 (U.S. and Canada only. Read more about DVD formats.) # Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1 # Number of discs: 1 Run Time: 75 minutes DVD Features: * Available Subtitles: English * Available Audio Tracks: English (Dolby Digital 5.1), French (Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo), Spanish (Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo)
Also asking $8 + $2 shipping.
I can do paypal or give my po box for a money order. Just wanted to see if anyone was interested. These disks are great and they're two of my all-time favorite movies.
Fat Tabby Because the amusment of a fat cat sleeping on her back never fails to amuse me and always makes good filler when I don't feel like writing a wordy entry, this afternoon I present another goofy Mika picture.
17lbs of tabby love right there. In her absolute favorite way of sleeping.
